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AIBU?

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Original poster

Partner off on his jolly.....

127 replies

4ormore · 13/10/2019 21:25

So Saturday my partner left for his 4 week away this year fishing..
leaving myself alone with our 4 children.
Aibu to be annoyed, we run our own business so work/life is stressful for him.
I just feel pisses off really, the kids miss him, I miss him, I just don’t like it.

OP posts:
giggleshizz · 13/10/2019 22:30

To get a few things clear. You had one dc at 16, one at 18, then met him at 23 and had two more dc? It could be your age but you are naive if you think anything about his behaviour is normal. I wonder if he saw you as vulnerable when you met eg young mum with two DC as he certainly sounds controlling if he doesn't consult with you when planning holidays

I'm also confused about the fact you run a business together but you work from home and he works away from home.

The bottom line here though is LTB. He's treating you like a skivvy

Singlenotsingle · 13/10/2019 22:30

I don't know whether they "need" them but the certainly want them. You should do what he does, just announce one day that you're taking a week's break. But you won't really, will you, because you don't want a week away from the DC.

fallfallfall · 13/10/2019 22:32

a week is not long. not met a man who would pine for his family while away for 7 days.

NewNameGuy · 13/10/2019 22:35

I leave DW home with the kids for 5 or 6 weekends a year.
She does the same, bit less maybe.

Your DH sounds like a selfish prick and why doesn't be do anything at home either?

LEELULUMPKIN · 13/10/2019 22:35

fallfallfall are you the OP's DP?

SleepingStandingUp · 13/10/2019 22:36

why are you and the children so clingy? hes gone fishing for a week... i've honestly never met a man that gets overly invested in their children's lives or wives that they "miss" them when away for a few days.
sorry i find this neediness very immature even for the four year old.

@fallfallfall do you have kids with a partner as opposed to an ex? I find it beyond sad if so that your kids wouldn't miss their Dad if they were away for a week. Some days the 4 yo starts asking where Daddy is by 4 pm!! A week if a huge time from one of the people you love most in the world when you're 4!!!!

rainingallday · 13/10/2019 22:37

Awwwwww don't men just LOVE their hobbies that take them miles away from the wife and kids for days (or even weeks) on end? Always seem to manage to work a lot too.of hours! Hmm

Watch how those work hours and hobbies dry up when the kids leave home!

If I were you @4ormore I'd file for divorce and have shared custody, so the selfish git HAS to have HIS children at least 3 days a week. And YOU will get a break every week.

Keepitjuicyjuicy · 13/10/2019 22:37

You are being mugged off, take a stand. No man should need a 4 week break from his own life. You are married to a cheeky fooker!

Original poster
4ormore · 13/10/2019 22:37

@giggleshizz yes,
I wouldn’t say naive to think it’s normal,
Think maybe I trying to justify it to not accept that it’s shit, and to feel like he doesn’t give a shit about me.

I don’t think I’d class myself as vulnerable, more of a people pleaser.

So he’s a electrician,
I don’t book keeping, invoicing, employees, that side of things, he’s out on the job,

OP posts:
Original poster
4ormore · 13/10/2019 22:41

It’s the fact, like you say weeks away from his life, kids, me, a find it sad that he doesn’t want to be with us, that he leaves me to carry the family while he’s away,
I carry it well, but it’s bloody heavy

OP posts:
SleepingStandingUp · 13/10/2019 22:42

Op do the older kids see their Dad? If so I'd wait for them to be away then announce you're going away and leave him with the babies. If you do it when the big ones are home we all know who'll be watching the kids.

Ultimately he doesn't want to do family toem, he has one day off a week when you said he doesn't engage and he's using what must be most of his AL to avoid you. I think you need to ask if there is a future in this relationship

Oakmaiden · 13/10/2019 22:45

announce you're going away and leave him with the babies.

Thing is, she probably doesn't want to fuck off and leave him with the babies.

She would just rather he didn't want to do it either.

Tottie · 13/10/2019 22:47

So has he also had his monthly, "long weekend" this month? Do you also find your work stressful and need time away to unwind?

Lifeisabeach09 · 13/10/2019 22:50

OP, you need a serious chat with him. If he doesn't choose to engage with family life, leave him.
You sound deeply unhappy and you are still so young. Personally, I wouldn't waste any more of my life (and youth!) on this man and I'd kick him out.

GabsAlot · 13/10/2019 22:52

So he cant take time off work if you need a break but can if he does

No thats not normal op

Original poster
4ormore · 13/10/2019 22:57

I think I am sad.
Think I’m also feeling pretty week, hence trying to justify the situation.
I’m trying not to care, but it’s bothering me a lot.
Contact is minimal while he’s away also, like he genuinely isn’t bothered.

OP posts:
Original poster
4ormore · 13/10/2019 23:02

@Oakmaiden
Just that, I don’t want to get away from the kids, I just want him to enjoy our life together

OP posts:
Jaxhog · 13/10/2019 23:03

When are you taking YOUR 4 weeks away?

Taking 4 weeks away from your family seems rather strange to me. And very selfish if you don't also get this much time off.

Livpool · 13/10/2019 23:06

If you don't get to do the same then he is being very unfair.

And he does nothing?!

I rarely say LTB but unsure what you get from this relationship

fallfallfall · 13/10/2019 23:07

why are you feeling sad and weak? think about that? feeling not valued for your mothering skills? feeling that the work you do is unappreciated?
feeling like your investing more into the family unit than him?
explore those thoughts and feelings but its not him being away 7 days 4 times a year that's at the core of this.
do you get all your self worth from him and your child rearing?

Lemonlady22 · 13/10/2019 23:11

Soon as my youngest was 16, i started to go away twice a year without my OH....woop woop....he did boys weekends away, stag do's etc...im now making up for it!

MollysMummy2010 · 13/10/2019 23:13

My DH had 5 days away in September and is now away for 5 days for work. Yes, I find it hard but I also know that he would cover me if I wanted or needed to do the same.

Original poster
4ormore · 13/10/2019 23:15

@fallfallfall thinking about my relationship.
I thinks it’s odd the amount of time he spends away from us.
Obviously everyone has different expectations and you’d be fine with this,
But I’m not, and I’m asking opinions to see if f the issue lays with me, or am I right in thinking this is abnormal with the responsibility we have.
I am under appreciated by him, so of course that does not help the situation

OP posts:
LovePoppy · 13/10/2019 23:16

Why do you think you’re being unfair

MyOtherProfile · 13/10/2019 23:21

Write a list of the things you're not happy with and the things you can out up with. Once he is home go through it with him and tell him it's time for things to change. He's trying to convince you he works so hard and needs all this holiday but it's a load of rubbish.