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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be annoyed with SIL?

129 replies

Pineapple1 · 13/10/2019 15:26

So, I have a few days off next week, next chance I have to spend some alone time with the family will be Christmas after next week.

My other half has decided to agree to look after our nephew because SIL didn't think to organise childcare.(it's half-term).
No offer to pay for anything either. And my other half knew I was 100% against this happening and I saw it coming from a mile away.

So, now I cannot go away with my family, Im stuck looking after a child I shouldn't have too.

AIBU to be really annoyed?

OP posts:
Deemail · 13/10/2019 16:54

I'd be annoyed too and I'd ring sil and cancel.
As for your wife been a pushover, she's not afraid to say no to you so I'm not sure that's the case. She's clearly putting someone else's wishes before yours.

frazzledasarock · 13/10/2019 16:57

Phone your SIL, tell her you’re not doing it as you are all away.

Her problem not yours. Don’t make it your problem.

Howyiz · 13/10/2019 16:59

As others have said there are choices.
Ring your sil, tell her there is a misunderstanding, that you have booked a few days away so cannot have her child.
Take your child away for a couple of days.
Or do what you seem to want to do and play the martyr.
I don't blame you for being annoyed, I would be really cross if my partner completely disregarded what I wanted to do but I wouldn't just put up and shut up. If you want to change the dynamic you have to do something.

frazzledasarock · 13/10/2019 17:00

Or can you cancel your leave and reorganise it for another date?

Juells · 13/10/2019 17:25

Pineapple1
I love how many of you have just assumed my gender.

Yeah, because you set it up.

BackOnceAgainWithABurnerEmail · 13/10/2019 17:31

Yes your sil would have to take it unpaid or, at this notice more likely, pay for a holiday club. Not. Your. Problem.

Tbh I would be so annoyed I would go away with my child and leave oh to it. Why you you compensate for her lack of back bone?

HollowTalk · 13/10/2019 17:36

Why do people assume the OP would want to go away on their own, without their partner? I assumed he meant she was his family.

ThinkAboutItTomorrow · 13/10/2019 17:40

I know it's short notice but could you swap your holiday days to the week after? Or even early November.

Outside school holidays will be cheaper as well.

Of course if your a teacher that won't work but I'm guessing not the case because you only have 3 days.

And I'd lose a smidgeon of sympathy if you're a teacher and have quite a bit of holiday.

BackOnceAgainWithABurnerEmail · 13/10/2019 17:42

Yes, I’d swap if I could and go a week later. It’s still a problem though!

billy1966 · 13/10/2019 17:50

Ye are both pushovers OP.

Your SIL is a CF and she has the measure of ye.

I think your wife is very wrong to have said yes to something she's knows you don't want to do.

Maybe a discussion about respect within your relationship might be an idea.

Neither my husband not myself would dream of doing this to each other.... namely because neither of us would treat each other with such disrespect and neither of us would out up with it!

Drum2018 · 13/10/2019 17:59

I agree. You are both pushovers. Your wife agreed to provide free childcare without consulting you, knowing you'd be off work. You find out and instead of saying it's not going to work as you are bringing wife and baby away, you have now just sat back and done nothing. Why not tell your wife you really need the break away and you are booking it regardless - whether she wishes to stay and be her sisters doormat or she decides to go with you is her choice. But I'd still go somewhere.

Wonkybanana · 13/10/2019 18:25

Genuine question Pineapple. Does your wife often disregard your feelings and ideas, or arrange things without discussing them beforehand? These types of things anyway, that have a major impact on the whole family? If she does that becomes a different kettle of fish. As a one off, maybe thoughtless, but regularly and she's showing a lack of respect and telling you exactly where you come in her pecking order.

CharityConundrum · 13/10/2019 19:02

YABU to be annoyed with your SIL - your wife has ignored your requests not to agree to this and scuppered your plans. It should have been a discussion but she made a unilateral decision without allowing you to have any input which is inconsiderate and rude.

TopBitchoftheWitches · 13/10/2019 19:09

No one assumed your gender, they assumed your biological sex.

Jeschara · 13/10/2019 19:13

Your SIL is irresponsible, but agree you have a wife problem. your wife could have said NO.
She is also in my opinion disrespectful, you told her your plans and she disregarded them. I would ring SIL and say no. Your SIL is only taking advantage because your wife let's her.

Butchyrestingface · 13/10/2019 19:16

No one assumed your gender, they assumed your biological sex.

Speak for yourself. I was definitely assuming Novi-gender.

MatildaTheCat · 13/10/2019 19:21

Make a note to yourself to never book leave during the school holidays again until you are obliged to by your own child’s education.

Since you don’t seem open to any solutions offered here you can only get on with it. You seem adamant that looking after a 7year old precludes getting anything else done at all which is nonsense unless there is some huge dripfeed coming. Ok, you won’t get a quick shag in while your baby naps but you can do a bit of DIY while they watch TV or let them ‘help’.

Ifyousayso2019 · 13/10/2019 19:27

As you're accepting it, doesn't that also make you a pushover?

I second the suggestion that you cancel your annual leave and postpone it to next week or the week after. Or will that scupper time with your wife, does she work too?

If your 1 yr old is sick, would you really have gone away anyway?

Mistressofpemberly · 13/10/2019 19:28

As others have said. Your wife is the problem. Why don’t you ask her to explain to SIL and continue with your previous plans. Why be angry with your SIL.

gamerchick · 13/10/2019 19:28

Personally I'd be cancelling the few days off and going to work to make a point.

You're both pushovers. Enjoy your babysitting and stop complaining if you're not going to do anything about it. Cancel the childcare and stick up for your wife. Tell your sil that you're sorry but you've booked a break away as a surprise so you're not able to help, hope she gets sorted.

Then say no to taking the kid as well.

Dandelion1993 · 13/10/2019 19:38

Just cancel looking after nephew. Phone SIL yourself and explain you booked a surprise trip for you three and she'll have to find something else.

CalmdownJanet · 13/10/2019 19:38

Seriously there is no minding in a seven year old, cancel your leave and leave your wife off to mind the two kids, then rebook your leave for another week.

Also stop with the whole "my wife is a pushover and my sil is the big bad wolf taking advantage" your wife is entirely to blame here and it's her you should be mad at, and you have every right to be mad with her. I'd say "Happy babysitting, I'm off to work"

Justtryingtobehelpful · 13/10/2019 19:42

Sil can put the 7yo into a holiday club and do her own pickups and drop offs, which she's have to do even with school. Then, take your own family on holidays and have an honest conversation with your wife about dealing with becoming more assertive. I think your wife needs to set boundaries with her family.

LannisterLion1 · 13/10/2019 20:05

You have a DW issue here. She's a doormat to your SIL and you are a pushover not calling her on her doormat behaviour when it impacts your family.

Your SIL is a CF who won't ever change and will always dump childcare on who ever will bend over for her.

LannisterLion1 · 13/10/2019 20:06

If you want some time doing things with dc, maybe take your dc to soft play or some baby classes.