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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be annoyed with SIL?

129 replies

Pineapple1 · 13/10/2019 15:26

So, I have a few days off next week, next chance I have to spend some alone time with the family will be Christmas after next week.

My other half has decided to agree to look after our nephew because SIL didn't think to organise childcare.(it's half-term).
No offer to pay for anything either. And my other half knew I was 100% against this happening and I saw it coming from a mile away.

So, now I cannot go away with my family, Im stuck looking after a child I shouldn't have too.

AIBU to be really annoyed?

OP posts:
73Sunglasslover · 13/10/2019 16:09

You can do what you want with the time that you're not looking after your own child. You don't have to look after your nephew and you can say no to any assumptions made in that regard. Your wide, however, can also make her own decisions and actually it never was your decision to 'take her away' - that needed to be a joint decision. So you're actually cross with her that she has agreed to look after her nephew rather than spending time alone with you and your child with some small bits of 1:1 time when your child sleeps. I wonder if you could ask SIL to have your child one weekend so you can get that 1:1 time whilst also helping out in a way which might set a helpful precedent as your child gets older.

KurriKurri · 13/10/2019 16:10

Why on earth did you cancel your plans to take DW and Dc away ? Did your DW know of these plans ? _ if so she was being a bit odd to not refuse the sister's request - that not a push over, that's being so intimidated you can't even say a genuine no can do - I have made plans.

If you didn;t tell your wife of the plans - then she made a genuine mistake and thought she was free.

Ring your sister in law, tell her 'sorry wires must have got crossed - we really can't have DN over half term, I've made plans to take DW and DC away, You'll have to make alternative arrangements. Byeee.'

if you don;t get the idea into SIL's head that other people have plans during holiday periods and can;t just drop everything for her, then she'll keep on making the assumption that DW and you are always at her beck and call.

Rachelover60 · 13/10/2019 16:10

It's done now, draw a line under and make the best of it. You might even enjoy it! You can have a couple of days out with your wife and both children. Just make sure your wife knows this is a one off and that you will not be prepared to have your plans disrupted in this way ever again.

BrunetteBuns · 13/10/2019 16:13

OP has said that his child is 1 so a shirt holiday should be fine especially if it’s a spa hotel where his wife can get a spa treatment whilst he spends time with his child caring for them. My OH has done the same for me.

It actually makes SIL’s request CFery as she knows that the wife has been caring for an ill child and then requests childcare for a week on top. OP - YANBU. Ring your SIL and say no, you’ve booked time away. Then book it!

walkintheparc · 13/10/2019 16:18

I love how many of you have just assumed my gender

This is Mumsnet not parentsnet you melt.

It's your wife's fault not your SILs, you can't blame someone for asking for a favour, but you can blame someone for saying yes meaning your family weekend away gets cancelled. Maybe she just didn't want to go that much?

GabriellaMontez · 13/10/2019 16:18

As is said v often on here regardless of sex. You have a dp problem.

xmasbamechange · 13/10/2019 16:19

I know what I would do... ring SIL and tell her that unfortunately you can’t look after nephew, you had booked a holiday for your wife and daughter as a surprise! DW doesn’t know, she thought you were THINKING of booking but doesn’t know you actually have!

EffYouSeeKaye · 13/10/2019 16:20

Call your sil and say you have made plans for a family holiday and she will have to make other arrangements.

Fundays12 · 13/10/2019 16:23

You should be annoyed at your wife not SIL. Your wife could have said no we have plans. If your SIL has to take unpaid leave so be it. However your wife has now agreed to look after the child so I would leave her too it. If I agree to look after a family members child I do it. If DH offers to I expect him to do it. As for the holiday it’s nog fair you can’t take your wife and child away but it’s your wife’s decision to agree to babysit that has caused this not your SIL.

Drogosnextwife · 13/10/2019 16:25

Unfortunately my wife is a complete push over, and even though I told her I didn't want to, she still said yes.

Well she hasn't let you tell her what is going to be happening. She can't be that much of a pushover.

SchadenfreudePersonified · 13/10/2019 16:33

Its actually 3 days, possibly a week.

Oh. Ok . . . . just one child though?

Billben · 13/10/2019 16:34

I love how many of you have just assumed my gender

It’s Mumsnet, not Dadsnet. I wonder if you freely admit it to your mates that you are a signed up member of a women’s forum 🤔

Rainonmyguitar · 13/10/2019 16:34

I think you need loosen up really. Would SIL do the same for you?

This thread is hilarious. There are hundreds of threads on here from woman who have posted about being dumped with other peoples childcare problems and the consensus is always, always that the person doing the dumping of kids on family or friends is a downright CF!

TellMeWhoTheVilliansAre · 13/10/2019 16:36

The child hasn’t been dumped. It hasn’t happened yet. The OPs wife offered. She had the option to say “sorry, were not around”. She didn’t.

Booboosweet · 13/10/2019 16:38

Honestly, in your shoes I would be very pissed off and say to my spouse that actually it's not possible now. I think the SIL is cheeky to ask.

Rainonmyguitar · 13/10/2019 16:39

My other half has decided to agree to look after our nephew because SIL didn't think to organise childcare.(it's half-term)

Where does OP say his wife offered? I'm assuming SIL asked OPs wife because she is a pushover and knows she doesn't have the backbone to say no.

TheresAFuckOverThere · 13/10/2019 16:39

@walkintheparc
I love how many of you have just assumed my gender

This is Mumsnet not parentsnet you melt.

hahahaha

Like it even matters if the OP is male or female, doesnt change anything apart from maybe , but our child is not very well and demands a lot of my wife's time but that could also go either way

breakfastpizza · 13/10/2019 16:40

YABU. You should be annoyed with your wife.

Sunshine93 · 13/10/2019 16:41

Yeah I would be really annoyed. I'd be annoyed with my partner too, though. I think you should tell your wife that you are annoyed about this and you are not just going to go along with it. You say your wife is a bit of a pushover with her sister but if you just agree to this you are being a pushover too.

Could you rearrange your week off for another week? Then you can go away. Your wife can surely cope with a 7 year old and a 1 year old and if she can't then she says no to her sister. It shouldn't fall to you

I'd be pissed off if I was providing childcare during my leave so that someone else didn't have to take leave.

fedup21 · 13/10/2019 16:42

I'd be pissed off if I was providing childcare during my leave so that someone else didn't have to take leave.

Me too!

altiara · 13/10/2019 16:46

Can’t you change your leave to the week after? Why go on away in half term when it’s more expensive? Also did your DP think you were serious about booking days away as that would’ve given her the excuse to say no. As most people would’ve already booked something by now, so maybe she thought you weren’t actually going to do it.

AutumnCrow · 13/10/2019 16:48

Mate, your sex (or assumed 'gender' as you call it) is neither here nor there. You've got a DP problem.

If your DP is a 'push over' then you need to be talking to your DP about why that is. About why she would bin off time away with you.

Smelborp · 13/10/2019 16:50

Your wife will clearly agree to this again, even though you’ve said no. So in that case, I’d say that if she wants to do the childcare, she’ll be on her own doing it. If you drop everything to help, what will change in the future?

LunasOrchid · 13/10/2019 16:50

Phone SIL yourself and tell her neither of you will be providing childcare as you have plans. Stuff what your wife or SIL thinks!

Vulpine · 13/10/2019 16:53

Your sil is a cf. Its a big favour to ask. Snd your wife is also a cf for accepting without consulting you.

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