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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be annoyed with SIL?

129 replies

Pineapple1 · 13/10/2019 15:26

So, I have a few days off next week, next chance I have to spend some alone time with the family will be Christmas after next week.

My other half has decided to agree to look after our nephew because SIL didn't think to organise childcare.(it's half-term).
No offer to pay for anything either. And my other half knew I was 100% against this happening and I saw it coming from a mile away.

So, now I cannot go away with my family, Im stuck looking after a child I shouldn't have too.

AIBU to be really annoyed?

OP posts:
Lindy2 · 13/10/2019 15:42

Not your problem. You haven't agreed to anything and you already have plans.

I don't see what the issue is.

YippeeKayakOtherBuckets · 13/10/2019 15:42

Had you booked to go away somewhere?

Can’t you just take your nephew along with you? Seven year olds are WAY more fun to take on holiday than one year olds anyway.

ThanosSavedMe · 13/10/2019 15:42

Can you not get in touch with your sip and explain that you be able to look after the children for x days but not the rest as you’re away.

leghairdontcare · 13/10/2019 15:44

I'm the husband in this story.

Shock oh gosh, we've all been tricked and now look so foolish! Same answer mate, you take your child away for the week and leave your wife to look after the 7 year old as she agreed.

BraveGoldie · 13/10/2019 15:44

To be fair, as this is Mumsnet, the huge majority of posters are female, so that seems a fair default assumption.....? I don't see anything particular in the content of the post that would align with misplaced gender stereotypes?

NailsNeedDoing · 13/10/2019 15:44

Male or female is irrelevant.

It's really not up to you to work out what to do to keep the 7 yo busy and be around for pick ups and drop offs unless you choose to do that. It's perfectly possible to look after a 7yo and a 1yo at the same time, so leave your partner to it. Although is assume you want some time with your own child, so there's nothing stopping you from having a couple of trips out on your own with the 1yo.

TellMeWhoTheVilliansAre · 13/10/2019 15:45

I read it that you were going away to visit your family (parents, siblings etc) who you wont get a chance to spend time with again until after Christmas.

fedup21 · 13/10/2019 15:45

If your wife offered to look after the nephew, why isn’t she?

WorraLiberty · 13/10/2019 15:45

Man, woman or dog, the answer is the same.

Take your child away as planned.

You didn't change the plans, your wife did.

Butchyrestingface · 13/10/2019 15:47

I love how many of you have just assumed my gender.

The majority of posters are female, easy assumption to make. And one that makes no difference to the response.

Is your wife unable to drive? Why is it that you've been nominated for the drop offs/pick ups?

MsPavlichenko · 13/10/2019 15:47

You don't have to be available.

Either go yourself, or go with your DC if it's possible. Your DP can look after her nephew. I don't know why you are annoyed at your SIL. She asked. Your DP can say no.

fedup21 · 13/10/2019 15:49

I love how many of you have just assumed my gender.

That is totally immaterial.

Are you going to come back and answer anyone’s questions?

TellMeWhoTheVilliansAre · 13/10/2019 15:49

If the child is on half term where are you picking them up from or dropping them off to?

BumbleBeee69 · 13/10/2019 15:49

You can still go OP, take your kid and enjoy your break. Grin

mbosnz · 13/10/2019 15:49

'Sorry SIL, you've been misled. I won't be available for childcare, I've already made plans. You'll have to make alternative arrangements.'

TellMeWhoTheVilliansAre · 13/10/2019 15:51

To answer your question, yes, you are being unreasonable to be annoyed at your SIL.

SchadenfreudePersonified · 13/10/2019 15:52

For crying out loud!

It's a child! It's ONE DAY!!!

Look on it as a learning curve.

Original poster
Pineapple1 · 13/10/2019 15:52

@fedup21

I'm annoyed at SIL, because she never thinks about this stuff.
She just assumes that someone in her family will drop everything to help her.

Unfortunately my wife is a complete push over, and even though I told her I didn't want to, she still said yes.

I'm annoyed because that means I can no longer take them away. Also it means the time my child would normally be napping is now spent keeping a 7 year old happy... Whereas before it was time alone with my wife, or time for me to sort out the 1000's of jobs that need doing to maintain the house. Not possible now.

Im not the type of person to leave her to get on with it, I'll help and share the responsibility just like with everything else. But surely I'm allowed to be a little annoyed / upset that:

  1. My feelings and thoughts were ignored.
  2. My only 3 days off for next 10 weeks are no longer my own to choose to do with as I please?

My wife's argument is that if she said no, her sister would have to take a weeks unpaid.... My reply.. I couldn't care less, her child, her responsibility.

OP posts:
BeesKnees4 · 13/10/2019 15:53

Are you expected to provide the childcare yourself or is it both of you?
Did your wife know you hoped to go away?

Original poster
Pineapple1 · 13/10/2019 15:54

@SchadenfreudePersonified
Its actually 3 days, possibly a week.

OP posts:
MissMarks · 13/10/2019 15:54

Could you not just take the nephew with you too??

TellMeWhoTheVilliansAre · 13/10/2019 15:55

Well your SIL uses the support of her family because her family offer it. You can’t blame her for that. If her family don’t want to do it, they tell her it’s not possible and she will organise something else.

Your wife is the issue, not her sister.

fedup21 · 13/10/2019 15:55

I don’t understand why you don’t just ring your SIL and say no?

PrincessRaven · 13/10/2019 15:55

take your 1 year old on holiday and leave your nephew with your other half

it doesnt matter if you are the man or the woman (unless of course she is bf)

CeeceeBloomingdale · 13/10/2019 15:55

I'd be annoyed at my wife rather than my SIL. She shouldn't have said yes if you have plans.