To ask why non-parents are here?

[hopityhopity]

I see posters saying they don't have any children, or want any. So if you aren't a parent, pregnant or TTC, why are you here on mumsnet?🤔

I don’t have any DC but enjoy reading to and contributing to the posts on here. I don’t feel that because I’m not a parent, my views and suggestions on things aren’t just as relevant as any one else’s. Admittedly, I don’t tend to visit the TTC or parenting boards as those aren’t relevant to me, but many other topics are.

The ones i find hardest to understand are the rude aggressive members who are clearly pushing a child free agenda - someone asking for advice on the conception/infertility board recently had someone reply about how they didn't need kids to have a fulfilled life - WTF! Not helpful to the OP at all.

That's awful, I wouldn't dream of doing that. It does happen on the childfree posts too- I've had people tell me I don't know what real love is because I have no children etc etc. Not helpful either.

We should all just love each other for who we are.

'I'm not sure it is a disingenuous thing to wonder what brought people with no interest in children to a site called Mumsnet'

How do you know those who aren't mums have no interest in children? Maybe they're trying to conceive, perhaps they have had fertility problems, miscarriages, stillborns, lost children? Maybe they try to care for a niece or nephew living in desperate circumstances as if they were a parent? Maybe they have step children? Maybe they're going through the process of adopting or fostering? You don't have to have given birth to be a parent.

How do you know those who aren't mums have no interest in children? Maybe they're trying to conceive, perhaps they have had fertility problems, miscarriages, stillborns, lost children? Maybe they try to care for a niece or nephew living in desperate circumstances as if they were a parent? Maybe they have step children? Maybe they're going through the process of adopting or fostering? You don't have to have given birth to be a parent.

Of course but there are plenty of posters on MN who state they are happily child free/ never wanted children etc. OP is probably referring more to people like that and I admit I’ve wondered the same thing.

had someone reply about how they didn't need kids to have a fulfilled life - WTF! Not helpful to the OP at all.

I think it can be helpful to have the perspective given that you can still have a very fulfilling and happy life if you don't have DC, I think those posters are offering support. Not everyone TTC has a positive outcome, so it's vital to remember you can still be happy, its too easy to get stuck in the bubble, too tunnel-visioned to see any hope.

Better than saying 'baby dust hunni xxxx'

IfIHadAPenny those posters almost always have children.

Because it’s one of the biggest and most active talk forums in the UK.

(I have kids but I don’t use the parenting topics, so I might as well be one of the childless/childfree posters).

I didn't come here for baby stuff, but discussions in general.

I don't have children. I am happily child free - now. However I have fertility issues, and I've been through that journey. Had several miscarriages.

So I can still bring things to those discussions.

@IfIHadAPenny
Being realistic is fine but certain child free advocates on MN look down on those who are parents or want to be and they are down right rude and aggressive in their views

Parking threads and NDN drama 🍿

Seriously though, I've been on here since my last teens and needed advice I couldn't ask my own mum.

The ones i find hardest to understand are the rude aggressive members who are clearly pushing a child free agenda - someone asking for advice on the conception/infertility board recently had someone reply about how they didn't need kids to have a fulfilled life - WTF! Not helpful to the OP at all

Actually during the 4 years I spent ttc this was almost my mantra. If you haven't ever suffered infertility, you have no idea how hurtful it can be to be told over and over again 'you don't know what love is until you have children' or 'I always find childless couples a bit odd' or 'I think it's sad when people don't have children, they are going to be lonely in their old age'. Giving an alternative view that you can have a full and fulfilling life without children is not pushing a child free agenda ffs.

certain child free advocates on MN look down on those who are parents or want to be and they are down right rude and aggressive in their views

I've been on MN a while, but I've only seen childfree posters reacting assertively (not rudely) when other posters say 'you don't know what true happiness is, you don't know love until you've had a DC' etc.

Those posters come across as short-sighted and patronising, and are actually more hurtful than those posters reassuring infertile couples that there is life after TTC.

@Igotthemheavyboobs
I have/am suffering infertility having had 5 mc and 2 ruptured ectopics and now permanently infertile

But I draw the line at being told my posters that wanting to be a parent is unambitious and unintelligent

@IfIHadAPenny
There is being assertive and then there is the patronising view of some childfree members who also think they are better than the those of us who are/do want to be parents hence posts I've seen labelling parents/want to be parents to be unintelligent and unambitious......

certain child free advocates on MN look down on those who are parents or want to be and they are down right rude and aggressive in their views

I've never come across this. Apart from, as a PP says, in response to a parent rudely going on and on about "you've never known true love.... blah blah blah"

Soup

Agree entirely

Agreed, @SoupDragon. I’ve generally seen childfree people on Mn (and I was happily one of them until just before turning 40) talking eloquently about other people’s patronising, othering and frankly rude attitudes towards them, and calling out similar posts on Mn — often exasperated, understandably, but not exhibiting anywhere close to the level of rudeness they are regularly subjected to.

Agree with all the pps above, I've not seen anyone aggressively pushing a child free agenda on mn...most child free posters are merely responding to the patronising shit some people come out with re not being somehow a whole person unless you have children. And there are a LOT of those!
I'd say if anyone does feel those child free posters are looking down at parents then it's most likely just projection based on the misconception that all childless people live some hedonistic sex drugs and rock n roll lifestyle

A few months ago there was a thread called (something like) why did you decide to have children. Then a second thread popped up, why did you decide NOT to have children. I never wanted children, so didn't even look at the first thread, I only saw the title in Active, but I did read the second. There were dozens of people WITH children who came on to say they found people who decided to stay child-free odd, unnatural, didn't know what love was, why were we on MN and all sorts of other patronising comments, much like some of the PPs on this thread.

In answer, again, to the unimaginative people asking why someone who isn't a parent is on MN, why should I have to justify myself to you?

I may be childfree but my cousins and siblings aren't and I find it useful to understand how their lives will change as they have kids and their kids age.

As for childfree FWR posters, which I suspect you are posting about here based on the timing: there are issues like DV that affect all women because we can bear children, even if we choose not to. There are issues that affected me whilst a child, like CSA, that will still affect children now. I stand with mothers in supporting safeguarding for their children. A childfree lesbian can support a mother whose child is coming out. Listening to the experiences of mothers helps me understand how better to stand with them because a feminism that devalues mothers isn't feminism.

Womble

I recall that thread it was unbelievable

I’m a nanny, I found it doing a search for recipes once. Now enjoy reading AIBU during nap time as it’s more entertaining then the Jeremy Kyle show at times

There is being assertive and then there is the patronising view of some childfree members who also think they are better than the those of us who are/do want to be parents hence posts I've seen labelling parents/want to be parents to be unintelligent and unambitious......

So some posters are arseholes. An arsehole is an arsehole, whether they have kids or not.

I posted on here before children were a possibility because whenever I searched a topoc in google, mumsnet was usually one of the first results and had the best advice/comversation.

The name doesn’t reflect the site very well.
I use it for entertainment much more than parenting topics.

Being a parent on paper isn’t a qualification
I think a lot of advice given here is hypothetical and not tried and tested.