To think he's lying? *trigger warning*

[helpagirloutplease]

Long time poster that has namechanged.

I don't know where else to ask. I have a 4 year old to a man I haven't seen for years. He had a mental health breakdown during pregnancy and did some terrible things (held me at knifepoint, tried to drive me into a wall, strangled me, tried to hang himself infront of me ect) and beat me up.

He was a working professional, and was arrested for assault and charged, then sent to prison. He breached the restraining order numerous times resulting in him going back to prison a few times and had my name tattooed on his chest even after all this.

I attended social services meetings and a meeting with psychiatrists at the time so I know that he was diagnosed with multiple personality disorder and bpd. I haven't been in contact with him since the first time the police took him away (they took him several times after from outside of my house when he breached restraining orders but I didn't open the door). There is a no contact order in place for my daughter which I think is largely because he had no interest in engaging with nhs mental health teams.

I received these messages at midnight last night. I think he's lying, why would he do this to me?

It's bollocks. A relative of mine had Huntingdons. The test is not urgent, and whether or not to get tested is a decision people should make as an adult, with counselling. There is no cure. And it doesn't cause the behaviour you describe.

Neuropysiatric symptoms are common in early huntingtons so it's not impossible that some of these behaviours could be contributed to early huntingtons.
A simple genetic test will tell you if your daughter has the gene which your gp can do.
Some people with the Huntington gene in there family choose not to find out which is your choice for now however before your daughter comes of an age where she can have her own children you need to warn her she may have the Huntington gene. Anyone with the Huntington gene has a 50% chance of passing it onto their children.

How long ago did his Auntie die?

Why wouldn't he get tested then, or tell you of the possibility at least re any pregnancy of yours iyswim?

And it doesn't cause the behaviour you describe
Yes it can. Not all people with the disease show the same symptoms. The link I've posted makes it clear that it can have serious psychiatric consequences.

I don't understand why so many posters are insistent he is lying when from what we know, there is no indication to say that his claim cannot in any way be true. The fact that he does have a family member with it is even more alerting.

Yes, he could be lying, but he also very much might not be. Asking him for evidence in a only line response is not really engaging. In the end, either he will and then OP will know and can seek advice, or he won't and then OP will know that he is lying.

Involving the police and SS at this point seems quite a waste of resources.

whether he does have Huntingtons or not, he still put you and your daughter at risk. Even if the non molestation order has run out is still no excuse to contact you. He could have got someone from the medical profession to have contacted you with this news. I'm not doubting his illness as such but I am absolutely doubting his intentions. Please show the police ASAP.

@helpagirloutplease you can test for Huntington’s before 18 for sure. My friends dad had Huntington’s and she had her daughter tested and then had IVF and the embryos screened for it. GP appointment early next week, urgent referral to genetics, simple blood test. Try not to worry because my instinct is that it’s bollocks and More his borderline personality

Please don’t engage at all. Just keep those messages print screened to show GP. Let social services know. But don’t engage.

@ HillRunner
Neurodegenerative diseases present differently in different people neuropsyciatric symptoms are common in these patients but not necessarily present in all patients.

This often leads to misdiagnosis of early onset genetic neurodegenerative disease such as huntingtons or familial alzheimer's disease. This can be avoided by knowing about genetic familial links that doctors can search for.

Of the police doesn’t get back in touch ring them again. This needs to be logged, he is trying to upset you and this as an amazing way to do it or having suffering you for a diagnose that may never materialise.

Don’t call the new wife. This will rightly show as if you are engaging with your perpetrators and remove at least part of your credibility if you are seeking a new restraining order.

The fact that he sent the message in the middle of the night doesn’t mean anything. He may have been awake and bored more likely.

His obsession with you is not over yet. Keep the police/courts on your side by not engaging with your abuser.

@diddl I'm not completely sure. I think between 2007-2010. I know she did because I have heard other family members discuss it with great sadness

I think he's probably told you this to mess with your head. The facebook page using 'HD... ' seems very melodramatic to me.
But I can fully understand that you're now desparate to know whether you can discount what he says.
Do you know for certain that the aunt had HD? If not, would it be possible to get the aunt's death certificate? It would give the cause of death on it.
Even if you don't have her name, a good amateur genealogist may be able to establish who she was from other family info.
Genealogy is one of my hobbies. I'm more used to tracing adoption cases, but I'd be willing to see if I could trace her details from other family info that you would need to share with me. Please feel free to pm me if you wish.

@swingofthings I don't think that logging it is a waste of resources. I haven't asked them to do anything. But he can be a very dangerous man.

He had a huge tattoo on his chest with my name on it within days of being released from prison for breaking the restraining order. He showed up at our house shouting and banging on the door.

If he's unstable and may do that again soon, all I'm doing is keeping her as safe as I can.

Interesting that it was just the aunt in the family. Is she a blood relative?

Given the history, I think it's overwhelmingly likely that this is just another story that he can use to harass the OP. At the time he blamed his behvaviour on claims of sexual abuse.... funny how it's never ever his fault?

If it's true, he'll be able to prove it. The police or SS can ask for that proof, and if there is none then the restraining order should be reinstated.

@aweedropofsancerre it was his dads sister.

Hi OP,

We've removed the pictures for you now.

You can now re-upload without the identifying info or if you'd like us to attach them to the OP, just send the edited pics to us at [email protected].

If the aunt was his dad's sister then did/does his dad have it? Because if not then he has not inherited the gene. HD is autosomal dominant and so there are no unaffected carriers, dominant diseases do not skip a generation.

Honestly it sounds like you've done the right thing contacting police and SS. He sounds unstable and re-establishing contact for any reason seems highly inadvisable.

Good luck OP, I sincerely hope this is all manipulative bollocks

I would suspect he is lying to cause you extreme stress. But don't engage with him about it all. Can you contact the social workers who
helped you before? You should also contact the police - it is not a waste of resources at all.

It is a threatening text - telling you that the order has finished.

If Huntingdon's did explain his previous mental health problems and he had now recovered from that - no right-minded person would inform you of something like this in a text.

Involving the police and SS at this point seems quite a waste of resources.

OP - please pay no attention to this. Based on previous behaviour this most certainly is not a waste of resources!!!

Block, do not engage and certainly do not respond to the message as this extremely irresponsible poster was suggesting!

"It is a threatening text - telling you that the order has finished."

Yes, I think that that is the whole point.

Then trying to get you to communicate with him.

Would that make it harder to get a new restraining order?

@swingofthings - or he knows the symptoms because of his auntie and decided it would be an excellent way to upset OP. OP could make herself very unsafe by responding directly to him in any way. It's up to the police to investigate why he did this. No police officer who has had involvement with domestic violence would ever want the victim to feel that they should be the one to talk to the perpetrator.

I agree with many of the previous posters (@meuh @k1233). To put your mind at ease:

1. Was it an auntie by blood or by marriage?

1. If by blood, the parent whose sister she was would either have shown signs of the disease by now, or not. With Huntington's, an overwhelming number of people who have the mutation will show the disease, so the silent carrier status is not really a concern. Meaning: if neither of his parents had Huntington's disease, he is genetically in the clear.

1. If the parent whose sister the auntie was does not have Huntington's, neither has your Ex, and your daughter is in the clear.

People can be carriers but not actually develop the disease so other blood relatives in his family may not have it.

This is wrong. Huntington’s disease is autosomal dominant so you cannot be a carrier. You either have the gene and the disease or you don’t have either. You can’t be a carrier.

If the aunt was his dad's sister then did/does his dad have it? Because if not then he has not inherited the gene. HD is autosomal dominant and so there are no unaffected carriers, dominant diseases do not skip a generation.
This is correct. If his dad has Huntington’s disease he has a 50% chance of having it, but if his dad doesn’t have it, then he doesn’t have it either as it’s not possible for him have it.

For what it’s worth, I think he’s lying to you as if you know his aunt had it, I think you’d also know if his father had it.

OP, I do agree that logging it is the safe to do. Getting them involved at this stage is a bit pointless.

I think many posters here are voicing views having very little understanding of the disease. It's easy to write that it's an obvious lie and him just going back to his manipulative ways.

The focus should be on 'what if he isn't lying?'

@Harriett123
"This often leads to misdiagnosis of early onset genetic neurodegenerative disease such as huntingtons or familial alzheimer's disease. This can be avoided by knowing about genetic familial links that doctors can search for."

Absolutely ^^ this, with bells on. I have a genetic neurological disease, which I inherited from my biological grandfather, as it turns out. Because my grandmother wouldn't admit that "the family friend" was, in fact, my mother's biological father, when I began displaying symptoms of the disease at the age of 10... I was labelled as "clumsy" and "accident-prone", "forgetful" and "absent-minded". Had my mother known who her biological father was, she would have made the connection - but she didn't. I remained untreated, until it was too late for any real difference/reversal to be made. Such is life. My 14 year old son is showing similar clumsiness, and whilst yes; it could be simple teenager falling over their own feet... I worry that I've inadvertantly passed it on (I was diagnosed when he was 9 and his sister 17 - she's never shown any symptoms). I had genetic counselling, was part of a big trial being run through one of the top London hospitals - and mentioned my concerns regarding my son.

And was informed that they don't test a child, unless they're showing absolute symptoms, until they are 18 years old and ask for it themselves (which just seems wrong to me somehow, although I do understand their reasoning).

So like the OP, I have to worry about my child having inherited the markers for what I have, knowing that it led to the death of "the family friend" who turns out to have been my biological grandfather. Two of his other children and one other grandchild have the same condition. My mother must have been a carrier, but because of my grandmother's duplicity... no one knew until it was too late and my brothers and I were already here!

OP, there is a 50% chance that he's not lying. But there is also a 50% chance that he is. You need to talk to your GP, make sure your ex can't hurt you, and certainly don't expose your daughter to him (although I'm sure you already know this). Either way, you need informed support. But if there is any possibility of your ex having this disease, as another poster says: you will have to warn your daughter when she's old enough to have children of her own (if, indeed, she wants to have children). Just in case. Especially if you know, for a fact, that there was an aunt who definitely had Huntington's Disease. Might it actually have been something similar, but not?