To think he's lying? *trigger warning*

[helpagirloutplease]

Long time poster that has namechanged.

I don't know where else to ask. I have a 4 year old to a man I haven't seen for years. He had a mental health breakdown during pregnancy and did some terrible things (held me at knifepoint, tried to drive me into a wall, strangled me, tried to hang himself infront of me ect) and beat me up.

He was a working professional, and was arrested for assault and charged, then sent to prison. He breached the restraining order numerous times resulting in him going back to prison a few times and had my name tattooed on his chest even after all this.

I attended social services meetings and a meeting with psychiatrists at the time so I know that he was diagnosed with multiple personality disorder and bpd. I haven't been in contact with him since the first time the police took him away (they took him several times after from outside of my house when he breached restraining orders but I didn't open the door). There is a no contact order in place for my daughter which I think is largely because he had no interest in engaging with nhs mental health teams.

I received these messages at midnight last night. I think he's lying, why would he do this to me?

It's very unlikely he has it when, as far as you know, neither of his parents do?

Your daughter can't get the test until she is 18 and the symptoms won't appear until she is between 30-50 years old if she does have it. This gives people with Huntington's a life span of 45-70 years old. The later the onset, the better obviously. It's fatal within 15-20 years of onset with most people showing first signs around their late 30's giving them a lifespan of mid 50's-early 60's but some do have much later onset.

I can't tell either way as I don't know the guy but I'm thinking he is talking rubbish. The best way you'll find out is, your daughter is 14 years away from getting the test and if he really does have it and has had it for a few years, he will be dead by the time she reaches 18.

How old is he by the way?

I’d contact the police and social services- don’t engage with him at all, it might not even be him? It could be someone else meddling.

If his auntie died of Huntingtons then, assuming she was a blood relative and not an auntie by marriage, then there is a family history of the disease.

People can be carriers but not actually develop the disease so other blood relatives in his family may not have it.

However, the late night message designed to scare you and the fact he should know children can't be tested, are very suspicious to me. If he had tested positive for HD I'm sure a medical professional or someone from a Huntingtons society would have been the most appropriate person to get in touch with you.

Is there anyone you know that knows him still that could confirm if this is true without direct contact with him? Otherwise I think I would discuss it with your doctor or social services. Do not make contact with him. I don't believe he has yours or your daughter's best interests at heart.

I agree with not contacting & informing police.

Plus, why would some health care professional not contact you about it, rather than him on the stroke of midnight as soon as a restraining order has ended?

I would contact the police and consider getting social service involved again to protect Ur daughter as they can get access to any of his medical issues through there law team at least this way some one else is managing him any contact goes through the right people and this way he can't minipulate and guilt trip you, he may very well have Huntington's he may not have Ur daughter checked incase but protect yourself and Ur daughter by any means necessary and consider changing Ur number, you know he has mental health issues and it may very well be managed but it doesn't mean he won't have bouts of loneliness and these can be dangerous.

I hope it all works out well for u but always remember people can onlyBdo what u allow them to and to focus on keeping u and Ur child safe and supported.

Good luck my lovely I'm sure Ur doing an amazing job, x

The message reads like he’s an excellent manipulator and I would say he is lying. He’s trying to regain contact with you through your daughter which he knows will be your weak spot. Definitely do not contact him or acknowledge his message in any way. I would block him on all forms of social media and/or shut your account down and open something more anonymous.

Please report this message and try to get the restraining order reinstated. He is dangerous and is trying to reel you back in. As for your daughter, try to put it to the back of your mind. I would be 99% sure he is lying and as his aunt died of it he has knowledge of the disease and that’s why he’s chosen this one. At 18 you can have her tested for your peace of mind.

This is so horrible OP. I'm so sorry. I feel like on my opinion it's him up late at night, thinking about everything, maybe things aren't going well with his wife, and so he's decided to do something to get some attention.

He's a nasty bastard and I think you should report it to the police.

Was the restraining order lifted recently? Is this what he's been waiting for so he can have another pop at you?

Report him. Just in case it all blows up again.
Stay safe.

1. Did you actually meet this auntie and do you know her “diagnosis” is true?
2. Did either of his parents show signs of the disease while you knew them? Are they both still alive?

I think it’s bollocks. But to set my mind at ease I would be talking to police/solicitors/social worker about blocking his contact again, and getting information from his medical files.

Don’t reply to him.

Interesting the message came in at midnight on a Saturday night, leaving the whole of Sunday where you can't get in touch with a GP or with SS and where you are guaranteed to stew...

If he knew that you knew about his Aunt, then to me, it doesn't discount that he's lying - he picked a disease that killed a woman young - your worst nightmare for your daughter. A disease that he knew something about because of his aunt. Anything else would have taken some effort, but this was an easy way for him to abuse you.

However you need to talk to some professionals here, see what it's possible to verify.

Get the order reinstated.

Speak with your GP.

Speak to your support team.

Lock down your social media.

Have a hug. He's a fuckwit.

I wouldn't believe a word. None of it!

Inform SS, authorities etc. I would be blocking that profile on FB, and I would not be contacting him, possible wife or ANY family members

If you are concerned, and who wouldn't be, I'd be discussing things with my GP

Surely you'd have been made aware or somebody would have been intouch if this were the case?

The arrogant narcissism of him informing you that the restraining order has ended was enough for me to see that this message is simply a way of getting into your head.
I'd put money on this message being another demonstration of him being a lying, abusive cunt.
He's in one swoop trying to justify his disgusting actions as out of his control and in another trying to fuck your head up in the nastiest, cruelest way. Bet he was patting himself on the back pressing 'send'. For god's sake don't reply but contact SS like wisely PP suggested.

I think you need to go and speak to your gp. Get some medical advice I'm not sure they still wait till 18 anymore but I may be completely wrong.

Do you still have a social worker I would also speak to them and ask them to liaise with you ex for more information. Don't do anything to communicate with him yourself.

Unfortunately if you know his aunt died of Huntingdons it is in his family so there is a chance he isn't lying. Huntingdons can start with depression/it can be a symptom as far as I know but that doesn't excuse anything he did! And this isn't the way to go about communicating with you so there is every chance this is just manipulation and control all over again!

I'm sorry your going through this

plus, why would some health care professional not contact you about it, rather than him on the stroke of midnight as soon as a restraining order has ended?
It is not for a healthcare worker to decide that family members should be told. What they would have told him was to inform the mother to decide together how to proceed. Of course, he is likely to have left out the information about restraining orders etc...

As for writing a message at midnight, it really doesn't mean anything either way. He could have been going through a high of his bipolar disorder and indeed felt inclined to do write this big lie, or it could be that he's been pondering writing it for days or weeks, and waited until he got some courage after a few drinks.

Whichever way you go about it OP, I wouldn't ignore it and assume that he is lying, however scary the prospect that he isn't must be.

Huntingdon is a dominant disease and affected parents have a 50% chance of passing it on to their kids. If he has it 99.9% sure one of his parents have or had it, any siblings again statistically 50% of them and 50% of any of their kids have it, same with any of his aunts and uncles. If there's a way you can check his family history through official channels I'd do it using his text as the reason.

The fact he had kid(s) knowing the risk (as it will be in his family if he has and he'll be aware of risks of passing it on as as I said its dominant) is extremely neglectful if true.

Also the first symptoms of Huntingdon are muscle spasms, weakness etc. so don't think that explains coming at you with a knife etc...

I think that it is almost certainly lies. He talks about his beautiful daughter, having never seen or met her. He's using emotive language to pull you in. Can SS check/access his medical files? Also save and log. I wouldn't subject your daughter to any tests. I would first find out whether what he is saying is true or not. Because if not, you need to get a new restraining order.

I wouldn’t engage at all. Messaging at night, probably drinking and showing you he is still there. Interesting that he simply said Huntington’s was the cause of his behaviour. Funny that as when I have dealt with people with HD they didn’t attack there partners with knifes. Usually you have small signs which is usually related to balance. Seems prison hasn’t helped him show any remorse

*that meant to say the fact he had kids knowing the risks and didn't tell you the risks is extremely neglectful if true

"He showed no signs at all. But I do know that his auntie died young of Huntington's. So I don't know what to think."

You think... there is a 1 in 2 chance that he's telling the truth. If you categorically know that he had an aunt who "died young of Huntington's" - you consider the very real possibility of needing to talk to your GP (definitely not your ex!) about what this could mean for your daughter. You talk about this as though you've decided that your daughter will inherit the disease - without taking into consideration that there's a 50% chance that, even if your ex is telling the truth, your daughter might not carry the genetic coding that leads to the development of the disease. She could be completely free of it.

If he's telling the truth. And, in all honesty, I don't think he is. The frequent use of your daughter's name, the lack of empathy for her, the aside of "oh, and I got married" (no other mention of Mrs Ex at all, please note)... the way in which he talks of having "had" the disease...? Not to mention the fact that he opens with the information that your restraining order is finished, and over-eggs how happy he is that you've moved on... is that information that he'd know about?

And then we come to the simple fact that if he genuinely does have Huntington's... and if he genuinely does love your daughter, then he would have mentioned her to his doctors, who would have contacted your family's GP, or gone through SS to bring this to your attention. They would not have left it to him to break the news, because it's something that would probably result in genetic counselling for both you (to support) and your daughter (who'd need to be tested). They won't test any child until they're legally old enough to ask for it themselves, or if they're showing symptoms.

I know it's difficult, OP, but don't immediately place a ticking time-bomb in your brain concerning your daughter. Regardless of whether your instinct is that he's lying, this is something that you do need to mention to your GP just in case he's not (but I think he is, too). I think he's taunting you, trying to provoke some sort of a response, or to crush you - just to prove that he still can. Check the restraining order, mention to your GP, ignore him as much as you possibly can.

Awful if he’s lying. Awful news if he is not.

Would suggest to make an appointment with your GP to discuss it, it’s not urgent but worth talking to them about it. Also suggest contacting SS/police to inform them he’s been in contact. Even if only to log it.

Would strongly advise not to reply/respond/engage with him any further.

Hope you have plenty of support around you to help you at the moment.

Thanks for the replies. I didn't think anybody would at that time in the morning. I've reported to police and they have logged it and are calling me back. I've got to go and pick my daughter up from her sleepover at my mum and dads in a minute so I'll call the gp and ss on Monday when she's at school.

Unfortunately Huntington's is something I've more than a general knowledge of. Out of my mum's family (5 siblings) 4 have it, mum doesn't. With my uncles, it certainly did present with mental issues, a couple have been diagnosed with schizophrenia which is most likely misdiagnosis according to the Huntington's clinic.

Simple summary:

• you can only get it if one of your parents have it
• as noted in my mum's family, even though it's 50% chance of happening, it can present disproportionately in a family
• drs seem to be unwilling to test for it, you need counselling first
• it's unusual to present early ie 20s but can. More often presents from late 40s and is small things at first, moving up to tremors and then more constant body movements
• it's degenerative and incurable
• people progressively lose the ability to control their muscles, hence the involuntary movements. This also impacts swallowing. 50 sets of muscles are involved in swallowing. As people get worse, liquids need to be thickened to help prevent choking and food particle size decreases.
• occupational therapy has been beneficial for my aunt and uncles

If I were you, I wouldn't stress about it. If she has Huntington's you can't do anything. Early presentation is unusual. I'd get it noted on her medical file that her father has said he has it for future reference, but other than that would not be contacting your ex for any information.

Some of the information people have put here is incorrect, OP you need professional advice on this.

Don't ask him for proof because you're just engaging with him. He could very well be making all of this up, and knows you'd want answers.

Talk to your GP, and let them guide you, not him. And please go to SS and the Police and log the contact.

I'd say he's trying to get back into your life, and he knows that something healthwise is sure to provoke your engagement