To think he's lying? *trigger warning*

[helpagirloutplease]

Long time poster that has namechanged.

I don't know where else to ask. I have a 4 year old to a man I haven't seen for years. He had a mental health breakdown during pregnancy and did some terrible things (held me at knifepoint, tried to drive me into a wall, strangled me, tried to hang himself infront of me ect) and beat me up.

He was a working professional, and was arrested for assault and charged, then sent to prison. He breached the restraining order numerous times resulting in him going back to prison a few times and had my name tattooed on his chest even after all this.

I attended social services meetings and a meeting with psychiatrists at the time so I know that he was diagnosed with multiple personality disorder and bpd. I haven't been in contact with him since the first time the police took him away (they took him several times after from outside of my house when he breached restraining orders but I didn't open the door). There is a no contact order in place for my daughter which I think is largely because he had no interest in engaging with nhs mental health teams.

I received these messages at midnight last night. I think he's lying, why would he do this to me?

Look, maybe he’s telling the truth, maybe he’s lying. In any case, the only way you will get any sort of answer will be if you commit to getting your child genetically tested.

Block him. Don’t dignify him with a response. But consider whether you would want to know for your child’s sake

Please don't believe that the restraining order is over unless police confirm that, he may just be saying that in the hope that you won't check and will respond to him about his message.

I’m pretty sure his hospital would have contacted your daughters GP. That’s assuming he’s told them details. I can’t see them leaving it to him to tell you. I’d call bullshit on it..but whatever you do, don’t reply to him. Go to your GP and explain what’s happened.
If he turns out to be lying, get him arrested for harassment..it’s causing alarm and distress.
What a horrible situation...I’m so sorry. He sounds like he needs proper mental health intervention.

Did anyone in his family have Huntingtons? Because therein will probably lie your answer. It’s mostly an inherited disease, so who did he inherit it from?

Absolutely do not engage with this man. It’s exactly what he’s trying to get you to do. You must ignore him.

Log the contact with police and change your number.

Sorry, I cross-posted with you about testing. It is such a horrible piece of information to drop on you, true or not.

Do you know his parents? If you have met them and one of them is/was suffering from Huntingdon's, you would know. If you met both his parents, both were over 40 and both were symptom-free, it's likely he's lying.

What 'official' support do you have in place (are you still involved with any agencies?)

You need to take the message to them and get advice.

Get SSinvolved. As DD can’t be tested you’ll need someone to view his medical history to verify his claims. As others have said, if this was sincere he wouldn’t have messaged at midnight and would have surely included useful medical Information.

Most importantly do not respond to him at all. Any action should be taken via a third party eg SS.

If he does have Huntington’s you would not be hearing from him, but from SS. He’s a sociopath. You already know this. Contact the police. This behaviour is cruel. His “story” can very easily be verified by checking his medical history. If it’s true or false they can let you know. If he’s being malicious, they can reinstate the bloody restraining order or charge him with something else. Fucker. Meanwhile, don’t stress.

There’s simply no way to tell if he’s lying. He could have the disease but not have started to show symptoms - the symptoms start to emerge in different people at different times. Some people know they have the condition but don’t have any visible symptoms yet so a previous poster who said he’s definitely lying is mistaken - unfortunately it is possible. I guess it could explain why he had a sudden breakdown during your pregnancy - I can imagine the guilt of potentially passing on something like that would be very difficult to deal with. It’s impossible for us to know if he’s lying. Do you have any contact with a parent or family member of his? Even if he does have it, it doesn’t mean that your daughter does, so try not to panic.

@DontFundHate ok sorry how do I do that? It's a disease you can't test for until she turns 18 (from a quick look) and it's a fatal condition so I've got 14 years of not knowing her future. I just feel fucked.

I’d also recommend you contact police or social services, check up on the restraining order, and report this latest development. If he is lying then he’s truly a psychopath. I have no idea if anyone would be allowed to check his medical records without his permission though? I don’t know how that works. But it’s worth a try.

I agree that there is no way to tell he is lying. If he is telling the truth, it is not just a case of getting your dd tested. There are many implications of going through genetic testing and I believe in the case of huntington, it would only give an indication of whether she might develop it. It is a horrible disease, so living with the knowledge that she might develop it is a hard situation to be in. There are also serious implication in regards to insurance, mortgage too I believe.

What would make me think that he was lying is that he doesn't offer to show you evidence that he has it, which considering the tone of his text, I would have expected him to say. In any case, I would write and say nothing else but 'if that is true, please forward evidence and letter confirming your diagnosis' and nothing else.

Also I really don’t think you need to blank out your exes name. It just says ‘Tom’, there’s a million Toms around, it’s not revealing at all, and really isn’t important !

So sorry I don't know what my phone is doing replying.
For context. At the time - he told the police and a court full of people that the reason for his behaviour was that his mum had sexually abused him as a child.

Weirdly enough all his mum had to say about it was "and". He's estranged from his family but contacting them is a complete no no.

Contact social services or any person you’ve had regular contact with in the police. Don’t try and engage with him to see if it is true. He wants to suck you in to conversation.

My very psycho ex (diagnosed personality disorder, sociopathic tendencies) messages my DH the other day, they used to be friends. Getting in touch to tell him that he has a brain tumour. Just a coincidence then that we got married 3 weeks ago? Don’t think so.

If he has it? It’s sad for him and worrying for you but you don’t have to involve him in any discussion or choices.

@SinkGirl I was thinking exactly this. He showed no signs at all. But I do know that his auntie died young of Huntington's. So I don't know what to think.

Even if he does have it now, that isn't what caused his behaviour then. It was too far gone.

To change the picture you have to report your post to Mumsnet and they will help you sort it. I think that I would go to the police and get them to verify his medical records and of he doesn't have it then you can get the restraining order reinstated. If he does have it then I think that you are in for a long wait and I am really sorry for that. You can test at under 18 but they prefer not to for diseases like Huntington's as not every body who has the condition wants to know in advance, so normally they would want your daughter to be old enough to make the choice..

He is messing with your head. If he had it he would know you have to be 18 for the test. He is implying you need to have her tested now. He would know you can't. He is trying to scare you.
He is a prize twat.
Report him to the police imo.

He sounds extremely manipulative and dangerous.

Do you really think he's messaged you out of concern rather than a desire to inflict pain?

I sure as hell don't.

How was he able to contact you?

At the end of the day, not that it makes anything easier for you, but if she does have it there’s nothing that would medically aid her until she has symptoms and as I’m sure you’ve seen that’s around 30-50.

Even if you were able to find out now, it would just mean you’d know whether you’d be waiting to see symptoms or not when she’s older.

Tell SS.

I think the biggest clue that he is being manipulative here is that he knew exactly when the restraining order had expired and contacted you immediately with a story designed to make you:

a) feel scared and worried about your daughter's future
b) feel sorry for him
c) want to contact him for more information (so he can maintain unwanted contact with you)
d) make an excuse for his previous behaviour and to minimise it

Personally I would avoid any contact with him whatsoever, get that restraining order back in place, block him on your phone and contact social services so they can investigate whether he is being truthful here. There are plenty of ways you can get the reassurance you need without having to have direct contact with a man who has terrorised you.

OP contact the police.

They can go and see him and check the medical letters etc that prove he has the disease.
If he doesn’t then it’s just another form of harassment and he can be charged

Do not take his word for this and do not engage with him directly.
He wants to distress you and suck you back in.
Chances are he had heard about the illness and realised it was a way to hurt you again.

If it’s true then you still don’t need contact with him - your daughter will be referred by your GP to the genetics services who can follow it up with full support.

Under no circumstances should you engage directly with him
Why does he have your mobile number? Block him on every form of contact and social media straight away.

@Frannibananni I have changed my number and blocked him years ago. The messages came through at midnight on fb messenger from an account that had no picture and the name was hd and then his surname. His initials aren't hd so I'm assuming he's using them as an acronym for Huntington's disease and that his wife doesn't know.

Tempted to contact new wife but don't want to engage in any way.

Oh and even if he does have it then the chances of your daughter having it passed on are 50 percent not 100 percent. Not great odds but I know a family where the sad had Huntington's and both daughters are in their 40s and neither is affected. It is not a given that she has it even of he does.

Don’t engage at all
The wife bit may well be lies too and even if it isn’t it isn’t your job to warm her

If you contact the police they can check it out or refer it to SS.
A visit from them might well warn off a new partner if he has one