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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

What is your honest view about only children??

637 replies

Charley1988 · 12/10/2019 20:13

My view is that being an only child can POTENTIALLY be a great experience and that all the well known stereotypes of only children are a complete MYTH. The only POTENTIAL downside in my opinion is that an only child may SOMETIMES be more prone to a more rigid upbringing than someone with siblings - but please note I've put the most important words in this sentence in block capitals....

OP posts:
TheOnlyLivingBoyInNewCross · 12/10/2019 23:10

Can you imagine a thread which asked what we honestly think of children with loads of siblings? Confused

As the parent of an only, the way that others think they have the right to judge my DS without knowing anything about him except for the fact that he doesn't have siblings fucks me right off.

I've known a LOT of children over the course of my adulthood. And here's the thing. Kids with siblings can be spoilt. Kids with siblings can be weird. Kids with siblings can be lonely. Kids with siblings feel under pressure from their parents. Kids with siblings are unable to share. Kids with siblings have pushy parents. Kids with siblings end up caring for elderly parents all by themselves because their siblings are useless. Sometimes I see kids with siblings and think, "It's a real shame you have siblings".

TheOnlyLivingBoyInNewCross · 12/10/2019 23:14

But there is something so special with having lots of people to break bread with at the end of every day, the sing a longs and the budget camping holidays, that I know this is what's right for me

Whereas it's so tragic just having my small family to eat with (I presume that's what you mean by break bread, not some kind of church service), is that right? And our singalongs are just shit with just the three voices? Give me a break.

bookworm14 · 12/10/2019 23:15

TheOnlyLivingBoyInNewCross YES to all that.

Namedroppper · 12/10/2019 23:18

But what we do know, TOLBINC, is that your DS has a huge amount of time with just his parents, not with other children, unless you live in a commune. I think that's a loss. Whether it's your choice or not. Strange that parents of only children can't acknowledge that.

Needthesunshine · 12/10/2019 23:21

MyDcAreMarvel Please keep your sympathy for more deserving causes. Read back your comment and if you don’t see that it’s rude then it’s your DC that deserve sympathy.

Shalom23 · 12/10/2019 23:24

Most siblings I know would never ever know each other as adults if they weren't related. My own siblings have caused me a lot of pain and joy. I don't have children but when I was considering it I thought one was ideal.

Alittleodd · 12/10/2019 23:29

@TheOnlyLivingBoyInNewCross it is! Tragic I tell you! Simply awful! Verging on cruelty!

@Namedroppper do children not have friends round your way? Or other non sibling family members (although no cousins here as we're two onlies - the HORROR)? Or nursery? Or childminders? Or neighbours? Or schools?

MyDcAreMarvel · 12/10/2019 23:29

@Needthesunshine don’t worry I have plenty of sympathy to spare.
The op asked for honest opinions, and that’s mine.
Being rude would be unsolicited comments on people’s family size.
I will assume you didn’t bother to read the op properly.

Branster · 12/10/2019 23:29

I think It’s absolutely fine.
And I also think people shouldn’t have children as a safeguard for their own old age. Just to throw another potentially judgmental comment in the mix here ....

Sammy867 · 12/10/2019 23:30

I don’t really know where the extra time comes into it without other children. For the majority of children with working parents

Wake in the morning
Breakfast club or breakfast at home but maximum 45 minutes (dd is not a morning person)
School for the day
Maybe after school club or wrap around care depending on the day
Home for dinner
Bed around 7:30?

So that would be around 4 hours a day maximum they would not be with another child. And that would Only be if they’re not playing out after school or doing other activities such as dance, sports etc.

Weekends in my family include visiting relatives whether you’re an only child or a sibling so cousins are together regardless. I think it’s rare we would spend a full weekend in the house as it’s the only time we’re not working and can do things.
Obviously if a parent is a sahp it would be different as they wouldn’t require the extra time in wrap around care etc but most kids spend all day with other kids

I would admit she spends more time with adults than a child with siblings but it means for 4 hours a day she gets attention that is focused solely on her and not on the other 29 kids in the class or 15 Kids in the after school club and then Also has to share our attention at home

Dongdingdong · 12/10/2019 23:31

All the only children I've ever met have been a bit weird and very entitled regardless of family background/income etc.

Have you ever considered that it is actually you that's the weird one?

Exactly. There’s one common denominator here...

JanesKettle · 12/10/2019 23:34

Swings and roundabouts.

There's good and bad about every kind of family configuration. Onlies have some advantages; kids with siblings have others.

I will say, however, I am glad I have a sibling as an adult. Sibing relationships don't always last/work out, but when they do, it's really good to have another person to talk to about family issues/help carry the load of aging parents etc. I personally would find it oppressive to be an only. That doesn't mean others would!

Queenunikitty · 12/10/2019 23:34

Some people don’t get the choice, they have one child and the obstetrician tells them that the complications during the birth mean that they are done and that is that. My lovely only is happy and so am I. That’s it, it’s nobody else’s business.

Namedroppper · 12/10/2019 23:36

I'm talking about time in the morning, before bed, at weekends, on holiday -- "unaccounted" time when there's no other activity going on. "Only" 4 hours a day being on your own? Hmm

My point is that siblings are around long before or after guests or friends have left or not arrived. And like MyDCaremarvel I see the lack of siblings as a loss for the DC in question. Others may disagree. The OP asked for opinions.

I get that there are pro's and con's. But like

BlackCherry666 · 12/10/2019 23:36

I have one child, by choice. They seem very happy, we are extremely happy.

Honestly, some people act like it's some kind of social death to be an only child. Why is it such a contentious topic?

WobblyLondoner · 12/10/2019 23:37

Good god I hate posts like this. Some of us may not have much choice on this from and just be bloody delighted we have one child. You may not have intended to be goady but every time I see one of these I just cringe.

There is far more that shapes a child than whether they are one of one, three or eight. You must know this??

AlexaAmbidextra · 12/10/2019 23:38

My honest opinion? I feel a bit sorry for them. It must be very lonely & boring a lot of the time.

This is so utterly stupid. Do you think that because someone is an only child they have no interaction with the rest of the world? You are obviously hard of thinking to assume this.

Lilytheblue · 12/10/2019 23:47

But there is something so special with having lots of people to break bread with at the end of every day

That’s all very well and good if you get on with your family Confused

a larger family= more people to fall out with.

I’m an only child (and LOVE it) but my DM is one of 6. She and her siblings all absolutely utterly despise one another! And that was before all the nasty inheritance issues when their parents died!

It’s all very well and good thinking a larger family means more love and support but that’s not the case for a lot of people.

I felt more loved and supported in a 3 person household than anyone I know did in a household of 4/5/6/7/8 people. That’s not to say people with siblings all hate their families of course but it depends very much on individual circumstances.

AlexaAmbidextra · 12/10/2019 23:51

having lots of people to break bread with at the end of every day, the sing a longs and the budget camping holidays

Christ. That sounds like my idea of hell.

LifeImplosionImminent · 12/10/2019 23:59

I hated being an only child and longed for siblings, then my mum married a man with two sons close in my age and my prayers were answered! My childhood was so much more fun.

Dinosauratemydaffodils · 13/10/2019 00:12

I am one and I hated it. However that was 100 percent down to circumstance/parenting. My df was in the military, I spent my childhood being dragged around mainland Europe which was amazing in many ways but my dm couldn't cope being away from her family support network. Df drank heavily (as did everyone he worked with), they had screaming rows, dm used to leave whatever country we were in and me on a regular basis but I had no one to confide in, no one to reassure me during the screaming violent fights. I was treated as an adult way before I was one and have always been privy to the worst elements of my parent's marriage.

tigger001 · 13/10/2019 00:15

My DS will be an only child.
I didn't want any, then I only wanted 1.

To be honest I waiver, I personally only want him, I'm happy with just him and don't want another one, I waiver when I see how much he loves being around other children and wonder if he will be missing out on having that close bond with a sibling.

I am then reminded he could grow up to dislike his sibling greatly (as my dad did with his 2 siblings) and I can't have another just for company for my son when I don't blooming want another.

He could be a happy and fulfilled only or a sad and depressed sibling or the reverse if either, I think it's how you parent and the life you give them

I know my son will have a great childhood as an only, as we as parents will make sure of it, will he wish he had a sibling.... maybe but I'm sure he will be fine and we will do our damn best to ensure he has a great time.

Whatthefunk · 13/10/2019 00:22

My Ds is an only child, and he has the life of feckin Riley.... He's a great kid, but well aware of the power he holds, within the family. No downside here😀

Flaskfan · 13/10/2019 00:26

I have 2, but they don't get on. Dc2 is happy cos she has a friend who lives close by. Dc1 spends too much time in virtual world.

Only children i know tend to have better social lives cos their parents organise more. I don't. I spend my time saying things like:"you've got a sibling, what more do you want?" Apparently a sibling of the wrong gender is not sufficient.

WeeBitSleepy · 13/10/2019 00:26

We only have one and six years after being told (medically) he was going to be my only one, I’m still as happy with him being an only- mainly because I do not give a flying fig what anyone else thinks of his only status. Whether being an only child is an advantage/disadvantage, pathway to happiness, intelligence blah, blah, blah- discuss it all you like, but quite frankly, why would the opinion of anyone outside their own family unit count?

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