AIBU to not go back to baby class

[Stuckinanutshell]

Not that this is worthy of the news but Daily Mail, The Mirror Etc are hideous rags and suck.

DD is 8 months and was born 7 weeks early following preeclampsia.

We went to 0-6 month baby sensory class. At the time it made me a bit anxious as all the babies DD age were rolling or pushing up. DD was the only one who wasn’t. The teacher always made a point to say things like ‘DD is so good she just lays there’ and would randomly say without me even commenting that ‘she’ll catch up!’ All of which I felt singled us out as ‘behind’.

I wanted to redo the 0-6 month class as I like to get out and DD enjoys it but the teacher said I should move to 6+. I felt confident about this as DD now rolls and felt I would be less awkward. In fact I was excited to turn up and have the teacher see what DD can now do and not be the ones behind anymore.

Turn up and the same group is there. Only this time their babies of the same age - some younger - are crawling all over the place. Some are even pulling themselves up and cruising. DD can’t sit unaided and is nowhere near crawling. The teacher says ‘as all our babies are crawling and starting to walk now...’ Mine isn’t. I just felt so alienated and felt so sad.

A new mother is there with a boy much MUCH bigger than DD. The boy is crawling. The mother whispers during the class ‘how old is your DD?’ And I say 8 months and she says ‘OH WOW! Lucas is 7 months. She’s soooooo teeny. Lucas is huge though in comparison’.

After the class they all stay behind for free play. I leave.

I came home and told my mother that I felt all the comments were loaded with hidden meaning and she said I was being stupid.

Am I wrong to interpret like this?

• oh wow she’s so teeny!

Translation: she’s too small

• you wait until she’s crawling! Mines been crawling since 6 months and it’s a nightmare!

Translation: stealth brag - I want to let you know mine has been crawling ages and is advanced

• how old is your DD?

Translation: I want to know how old she is so I can work out if my DC is more advanced or not

• oh yay she’s starting to sit now. I remember when my DC started to sit. So exciting!

Translation: my DC of the same age has been doing that for ages.

I’ve decided not to go back to the class again. My mother says I’m being unreasonable.

Am I?

My DD was 3 weeks early but at 8 months I don’t think it makes much difference. My DD has rolled a few times but doesn’t really bother at all, she doesn’t crawl, she just sits. I do feel anxious about it at times but also know from other mums that there are lots of babies that don’t bother much with rolling or take a long time to crawl and walk.

My DD is genuinely huge and at the top of the growth chart, and I often ask people at baby group how old theirs are as I struggle to gauge it due to her seeming so big in comparison to other babies! I find it a nightmare that she’s so huge as she’s heavy AND doesn’t crawl anywhere so I have to carry her all the time! I’m jealous of people with more average sized babies as I find it hard to cope with her weight. I expect you’d perceive me to be humblebragging, but their size is just luck of the draw/genetics and possibly the fact she was formula fed as I couldn’t breastfeed. It’s certainly not anything I’ve done to make her big!

I think everyone is really self conscious/anxious about something. I used to want to walk out of the room and cry when all the other mums got out a boob and I had my formula. I felt like such a failure. People would ask if I ‘chose’ to formula feed, as if it’s a ‘choice’ most women want to make! But I know it’s my sensitivity and no one is trying to make me feel bad on purpose.

I totally get where you’re coming from, but they’ll all even out in the end, so although people might be a bit unthinking with their comments most don’t mean much by it. Maybe try asking others about theirs and you might find that many with older babies haven’t started doing things that early. Or try a different group if there is one, the range of people can really vary by day I find!

I think because you’re anxious about your LOs development stage you’re staking these comments personally and being over sensitive. I think the comments have just been made in the spirit of trying to make conversation. My LO seems to have developed later than all babies his age and I feel extremely sensitive when people comment and that he’s behind even though I know truly he’s not so I understand how you feel. It’s hard. That said maybe look for another baby group where there is a bigger mix of ages or one that’s less structured ? That way you’ll mix with a wider spread of ages and less likely to compare to others of very similar ages

It’s awful isn’t it, I have every sympathy with you - mine was 37 weeks but born small and had reflux issues that only settled with medication and early weaning.

I’m back at work now but she is still - although normal in size - miles behind her baby friends of the same age in terms of movement. She didn’t have much tummy time due to reflux discomfort so hasn’t even attempted crawling. It’s awful when all the other babies have been moving etc for months and the mums are just sitting there having a nice chat while they play, and you’re trying to entertain a frustrated and annoyed little person.

I used to think like you, and get annoyed. It took a lot of conscious ‘stop being paranoid’ thoughts to move on from it. Once they all level our you’ll feel better, but in the meantime hang in there (me too) and just be grateful for out of the house time!

YANBU, baby classes are a hotbed of competitive bollocks.

Also, from the babies I've known, the ones that are less physical tend to be more...cerebral? Some mums like to boast about their big beefy boys babies. Seriously, it's not a competition but it's really hard to listen to that nonsense. Do what makes you happy.

I totally remember having all that anxiety over DS being late to sit (and he was born at full-term - I completely understand why it's much more intense for you). He's only 15 months now and it already seems absolutely bonkers looking back, but I remember actually shedding tears over it. It's such an intense stage of life and little things seem so big (not helped if you're horrifically sleep deprived!). Hopefully all these comments will make you feel like you have less to worry about, but be kind to yourself about it too - you're not being 'unreasonable' as such, you're feeling understandably sensitive about something that is hugely emotional.

Baby classes etc are all like this and it sucks. I went with my eldest who was a bit of a livewire,.. everyone else's kids sat and did lovely circle time and singing along. He built a fort and started defending it loudly.

It sounds really sad but we moved house and I posted on the local Facebook site that I was new to the area with young kids and knew nobody. A group of five of us ended up meeting up. Three I'm still in contact with and one has become a lifelong friend!

There's more than one way to make new friends and this group doesn't seem to be for you x