Nasty messages from 'friends' after sharing a condition relating to Mental Health Day

[putheronys]

Yesterday I shared an image on FaceBook about ending the stigma towards mental health, the particular image 'poster' listed quite a few illnesses, depression, BPD, Bipolar.... and it also happened to mention fibromyalgia.

I have two fellow friends that suffer with this condition and both have messaged me this morning, one saying sharing that is beyond the pale, the other suggesting I deleted what I've shared since it makes people think the condition is all in the head.

The thing about the condition is it is somewhat in the head, as it's generally believed by specialist that it's how the brain interprets pain signals, again, a mental impairment really (sorry for my awful wording if that's how it seems).

Anxiety is a mental illness but also has physical side effects, such as breathlessness and fatigue, etc.

AIBU to have shared that post? I'm a bit baffled that they'd attack me with way. Am I really in the wrong here?

I think people need to step back from the issue of whether the OP was right or wrong and consider that a) she had the best of intentions b) she has this condition too and can give her view on it and c) sending abusive sweary messages every time you disagree with someone isn’t a civilised or adult way to behave.

A neurological condition is very distinct from a mental health issue. Apologise and take it down, or don't, but your friends aren't in the wrong.

sending abusive sweary messages every time you disagree with someone isn’t a civilised or adult way to behave

No it's not - but do they send sweary messages every time? or did this post just inadvertently hit a really raw spot for them.

I have fibro AND mental health issues. These are two completely separate things. The reason they are pissed with you is because for far too long, people with fibro were told that it was 'all in their head', as though we could just change our mood and hey presto, we feel better.

I think your friends are just really tired of their symptoms being labelled by many people as psychosomatic.
We could argue back and forth all day on here about whether fibromyalgia fits on a post like that or not, and what that says about people with any mental or physical health issue.
The facts are that your friends are just hurting, and you were posting with the best of intentions.
As such I think this can be sorted easily if both sides are prepared to be kind about it.

Whether it is mental or physical, the pain is very real for both.
There is physical pain which can be unbearable, and emotional pain where you feel so desperately sad that every ounce of you hurts.

Bit risky posting something you haven’t properly read first. Have you deleted it yet?

OP it does sound like they have seen and taken offense to something you have innocently shared. It would be wise to remove it and learn from your friends exactly why.

um, you posted about fibro because it was Mental Health Day? And linked the two?

I wouldn't be swearing at anyone but if I have understood this correctly, I can see why they are annoyed.

Coffeeandchocolate9

That doesn’t make it acceptable! You can’t just go round abusing people because they hold a different opinion to your own.

Your friends shouldn't have sent sweary messages but they aren't in the wrong in pointing this out.
You should read things more carefully before reposting. Facebook is awash with complete shit made up by someone or other who doesn't know what they are talking about.

YABU

Fibromyalgia isn't a mental health condition. Your mental gymnastics to try and make it so don't cut it. It's a neurological issue and you know it. So say sorry to your friends, tell them you hadn't read it properly and so got it wrong, and delete it.

Illnesses with a neurological component don't become mental health conditions simply because they involve the brain. Just as indigestion and a hernia involve the same organs, but are different things. Goodness me. Just take the post down and apologise.

Or, don’t apologise to your friends and expect them to apologise to you for their aggression. Point out that you’re happy to remove the poster for its factual inaccuracies, but you don’t expect to be spoken to like that by people you count as friends.

Without seeing your post and understanding the broader context I can't really comment, sorry.

I’ve got fibromyalgia. I’ve also got mental health issues. I’ve got mental health issues caused by my fibromyalgia. I’ve got mental health issues separate from my fibromyalgia. My fibromyalgia itself is not a mental health issue.

Luckily the people whose opinions I care about have taken the trouble to learn about fibromyalgia. Luckily my doctors are educated rather than prejudiced and narrow minded. I feel massive sympathy for and solidarity with my fellow sufferers.

The thing is there is a school of thought in the medical community that fibro is a mental health issue, although more doctors are coming round to it maybe not being, right now it's not 100 percent either way proven,

So I can see why they'd be upset that on mental health day you effectively labelled it a mental illness rather than a physical one.

I'd apologise, say you didn't realise it was on there, that wasn't your intent and remove it.

It's upsetting them , so why continue?

Aren’t they spectacularly missing the point by feeling stigmatised by the fact that part of their condition is MH related? I say this as the parent of a young person with FND who experiences actual seizures, tremors and pain, but her condition is psychological, and rooted in deep trauma.

Note that I said PART.

Two friends, suffering from the condition, have separately messaged you. Very Upset about a FB post.

I would have it removed in nano seconds.

For me lots of things being mixed up. As you've asked though...

• stop sharing posts that you haven't fully read. Easy to get into trouble. Read the post, find out about the poster and decide if you stand by it. If you do fair enough. It's your post. Your newsfeed. It's reflects you and no-one. If someone doesn't like it they stop following you;
• when someone is offended it isn't worth actually working out if they were 'reasonable' most of the time because you will disagree anyway;
• think about apologising. You didn't mean to offend - lots of people on social media don't care about offending - and you don't read it they way do. I'd be saying though that you aren't impressed with how they have brought to up. Ultimately though no you don't have to take anything down. They can stop following you if that's how they feel

1. I agree with them
2. Whether the wording of their messages was out of order depends on the exact message she context
3. Why on earth are sharing stuff without READING it first?!!!

It is not a Mental health issue.

Presumably you shared the post to try and support people with the conditions listed?

Two people who actually suffer from one of the illnesses listed have told you that actually they find your post hurtful and offensive.

Of course you should take it down. Quite clearly it isn't achieving what you intended it to. Why do you think you know better than people actually suffering from the condition and why do you think being right is more important than not causing your friends hurt?

YABU. Fibromyalgia is a neurological condition. I have a similar neurological condition in that my brain has essentially rewired itself in how it responds to pain. I had a disc impingement four years ago. The disc itself is now back in place, but I am left in pain 100% of the time ever since. I don't imagine the pain. My consultant accepts I am in physical pain and, among other treatments and pain management techniques, I am prescribed a range of painkillers. I have had periods of depression over the last four years caused by the fact I am in constant pain, I am unable to be as active as I used to be, and living with this pain is exhausting.

That still doesn't make my chronic pain a mental health condition or be 'all in my head'. I am open about my depression. I don't consider myself to be weak for suffering from intermittent depression or think of it as anything to be ashamed of. But it is separate from, and caused by, my physical condition.

If I were you OP I'd apologise, remove the image and understand that their language was forceful probably because they deal with the crap of many people they encounter thinking their condition is a form of hypochondria, and that they'd hoped for more compassion and understanding from a friend who is chronically ill themselves.