Nasty messages from 'friends' after sharing a condition relating to Mental Health Day

[putheronys]

Yesterday I shared an image on FaceBook about ending the stigma towards mental health, the particular image 'poster' listed quite a few illnesses, depression, BPD, Bipolar.... and it also happened to mention fibromyalgia.

I have two fellow friends that suffer with this condition and both have messaged me this morning, one saying sharing that is beyond the pale, the other suggesting I deleted what I've shared since it makes people think the condition is all in the head.

The thing about the condition is it is somewhat in the head, as it's generally believed by specialist that it's how the brain interprets pain signals, again, a mental impairment really (sorry for my awful wording if that's how it seems).

Anxiety is a mental illness but also has physical side effects, such as breathlessness and fatigue, etc.

AIBU to have shared that post? I'm a bit baffled that they'd attack me with way. Am I really in the wrong here?

This is the trouble with sharing random images you find online, OP - it sounds to me like you wouldn't have typed out a post that included fibromyalgia as a MH condition and are now trying to justify why you felt it was appropriate to include it.

If you honestly believe that fibromyalgia should be listed under MH conditions then stick to your guns and defend your position to your friends, but accept that they have a different experience of it and different opinions.

However, if, on reflection, you can see now that you probably wouldn't have listed it on your post had you typed it out yourself or put more thought into it, then have the courage to admit this to your friends.

I think the lumping together of lots of disparate health conditions has led to a lot of misinformation and stigma over the years, and I admire your friends for calling this out.

“I'm with your friends on this though, mental health and a neurological brain issue are not the same.*

I agree. That’s like saying Cerebral Palsy is a mental health issue because it’s neurological.

@XXYY376 I know exactly how difficult it is to claim. I manage to do it on my own without any help. When I ask if you are a healthcare professional, I don’t mean “are you a benefits advisor”? I mean are you a medical doctor, registered nurse, paramedic or similar.

@gingersausage I am a registered HCP. I don't do benefit advisory. I don't do benefit assessments

NearlyGranny
On a related tack, if a bit tangential, can I ask what OP or any of us think we achieve by sharing something to show we support those suffering with mental health problems/cancer/baby loss/loneliness/whatever? Who is actually helped?

The poster gets a warm glow or a smug moment while dressed essentially borrowed clothing. I see that. Nice for them. My concern is that they then feel they have actually done something, meaning they may be less likely to donate or visit a sick friend or lonely neighbour because they feel they've already done their bit and ticked that box.

100% agree. My social feeds are full of virtue signalling posts. i suspect there is very little done beyond that. See also the ice bucket challenge. It became a silly game rather than a way to raise money for MND.

They're a mix of HCPs from PTs, OTs & psychs

Actually they are usually led by consultant anaesthetists

@RaymondStopThat which one is that? None of the ones I know are?

On a related tack, if a bit tangential, can I ask what OP or any of us think we achieve by sharing something to show we support those suffering with mental health problems/cancer/baby loss/loneliness/whatever? Who is actually helped?

I've lost more than one baby now, it's horrific. And do you know what? People sharing baby loss awareness posts does mean something to me. It shows people acknowledge it, it shows people may not have the words to say but they know and empathise with just how important remembering baby loss is.

On a related tack, if a bit tangential, can I ask what OP or any of us think we achieve by sharing something to show we support those suffering with mental health problems/cancer/baby loss/loneliness/whatever? Who is actually helped?

I read things like this and increasingly feel like withdrawing from the world entirely: friends, social media, the lot. With some people, if you don’t share things that show empathy or constantly ask people how they are, you don’t care. Then with others (or sometimes the same people) if you do, you’re doing it for yourself and not helping. People can’t win.

Being realistic, as a person with sound mental health or as a person with your own MH issues, you’re not going to be able to physically be there to support everyone you know who suffers from or has suffered from a mental or physical health issue or bereavement. It’s not possible. Sometimes all you do is empathise.

This thread is an absolute study on physical health privilege.

ALL mental health conditions are actually physical health conditions, because the brain is a part of the body.

I get why everyone would want this acknowledged for their own particular mental health problem, because of physical health privilege, but bloody hell it would be better if we didn't need to get the right side of that abitrary line in the sand to get our health taken seriously.

As above, fibromyalgia is often mistaken for a mental health issue but is a physiological condition. People with it are often accused of faking, oh it's all in your head, why not just go for a walk and you'll feel better. When in fact the symptoms are very real (I'm not saying symptoms caused by mental health issues are not real but the cause is different) and are caused by neurological pathways.

Fibromyalgia sufferers are often told it's all in the mind, which is why your friends feel unhappy about it; however it is a painful, debilitating condition and though it does have psychological beginnings and overtones, it is real nonetheless.

Many mental health conditions, anxiety and depression for example, have a big knock on effect on physical health. I know that from experience.

Try to gently explain what you meant to your friends and maybe explain even more on whatever website you posted. A lack of understanding from people is very hard for those who do have such conditions as fibromyalgia. You didn't mean any harm and did nothing wrong.

I think they were very rude to you, but it's clear that they aren't in a minority and it is an issue to call it a MH illness. I would just apologise and take it down, but I wouldn't speak to them again given how nasty they have been about it. I don't think you deserved that at all. Most people would be much more polite, even if they were angry.

Mental illness can manifest itself in hideous physical pain.
Fibromyalgia often goes hand in hand with mental illness.
Shame on your friends' foul-mouthed reactions. Don't be an ally to them again.

You sound very disparaging of patients. Talk of “dr shopping” isn’t exactly the attitude I would want or expect from my HCP.

I know someone who "dr shopped" for 7/8 years and eventually found an organic cause for her ME (that had been diagnosed as psychosomatic) and is now recovered now she's had the correct treatment that wasn't based on her having a MH problem. It strikes me funny that patients with FND are either accused of not doing enough to get better (when MH strategies are the wrong treatment so don't work) or doing too much when they look for other opinions/ help. I feel so sorry for patients who have a HCP like that on top of living with a debilitating condition.

@XXYY376 I said you were generalising as my DD's case bears no resemblance to what you describe. I also said she's had no quality of life between the ages 14-18. And your reaction was to shrug your shoulders. Not the empathic reaction of a caring HCP imo or one looking to improve practice or understanding.

I am a professional who supports individuals with FNDs.

I feel sorry for them. I have neurological issues due to damage from a medication. I was initially dismissed as having anxiety as blood tests didn't show anything up.
Quite how the anxiety also damaged tendons, cartilage and my ears I'm not entirely sure

I am fortunately now under care of a decent neurologist but people from my support group have been repeatedly fobbed off with the FND diagnosis which is why I know for a fact it's a nonsense diagnosis. There's always a reason for things going wrong, sometimes HCPs just can't find it, and the best doctors I've had have admitted this to me rather than trying to hang a mental health diagnosis on me.

I find it really sad that miscategorising fibro as a mental heal problem is seen as an insult.

I have diabetes and psoriasis - physical conditions. I am also prone to depression and live with almost permanent anxiety - MH conditions. I know which cause me more suffering.

ALL mental health conditions are actually physical health conditions, because the brain is a part of the body.

This is exactly why I'm struggling with what makes a mental health disorder a mental health one rather than a neuro problem.

I guess based on some info from this thread that if your brain causes physical symptoms then it is neurological disorder, but if the brain chases emotional symptoms it is psychological...??

Causes not chases

ALL mental health conditions are actually physical health conditions, because the brain is a part of the body.

I do actually agree with this. I've read some interesting recent studies about brain inflammation and links to depression, for instance.

The reason I personally am defensive about any sort of mental health label despite believing this is that's very often not the thinking of HCPs, it's just a way of telling you it's all in your head.

I find it really sad that miscategorising fibro as a mental heal problem is seen as an insult.

It's not so much that it's an insult as that it's a fast track to dismissal and piss poor health care.

There was a recent article in the Economist's 1843 magazine about the causes and treatment of chronic pain:

www.1843magazine.com/features/will-there-ever-be-a-cure-for-chronic-pain

I found this particularly striking:

"Many of his patients have experienced significant emotional trauma (people who have had damaging childhood experiences are twice as likely to develop chronic pain)."

@BonnesVacances I have sent you a message.

I find it really sad that miscategorising fibro as a mental heal problem is seen as an insult.

I can only speak for myself, but it's not insulting to misdiagnose fibro as a MH problem, but it is dangerous as it leads to the wrong treatment plan. This is why the distinction is so important.

But I agree it should make no difference in terms of attitudes and how seriously the illness is taken.

Puzzled It’s because of the treatment pathways expected for mental health conditions are not suitable for physical conditions (usually) and so it’s seen as another “go for a walk, exercise, meditate”.

Which is infuriating when you can’t pull yourself up because of blinding pain and fatigue.

Diabetes and Psoriasis have dedicated treatments to manage the conditions, Fibro treatments vary between what the professional treating you really believes of the condition and if they think “it’s all in your head” then people are treated badly, don’t recover in any meaningful way and are left feeling hopeless.

Although I’m another to admit that I personally suffer more from anxiety and existential anguish related to having physical conditions.