Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

A bit upset (Facebook related)

128 replies

Evanted76 · 10/10/2019 09:14

I've done a quick name change as I'm actually a bit embarrassed at this myself.
My sister and I are very close. Grown up from a close knit family. Loads in common, both got grown up kids similar ages and have dogs and have similar hobbies and things in common. Whilst we both now live quite close to each other, there was a period of time where both of us lived in different countries. We both eventually returned to the UK.
For me, mainly because of living abroad, I use Facebook to keep in touch with friends and family. I mainly lurk and will post the occasional cute photo of the dogs, post the occasional photo of the boys on their milestone birthdays, our anniversary etc. I never post random crap, memes or share random crap. When I do post stuff, I generally get a good response from people, probably because I don't post much.
My sister is the nosiest person on the planet. She's a typical people watcher. She spends hours on her phone looking and what everyone is up to, browsing through photos and generally is a Facebook stalker!

However, over the past few months, I've noticed that the seems to have completely ghosted me on Facebook and I've no idea why. I had a milestone wedding anniversary in July and I posted a photo. I got hundreds of comments saying congratulations etc from various friends and family but nothing from her. The same a few weeks later when I posted a really cute photo of my puppy (who she loves)
I've recently had a milestone birthday and the birthday wishes flooded in. I know this sounds so childish but I was a bit hurt when I saw that she had completely ignored congratulating me on Facebook in front of mutual friends and family and instead sent me a text. I know she is still very active on Facebook as I saw she had commented on one of our mutual friends post that was about something and nothing. (she's a beautician and it was about December appointments)
It's got to the point where someone (another mutual friend) has noticed and has asked if everything is okay between us. It sounds so ridiculous but it seems she doesn't like being associated with me publicly. Well I'm saying publicly, in front of our Facebook friends and family.
She's coming over today with my birthday present. Is it worth bringing this up? If so, how?

OP posts:
MistyKoala · 10/10/2019 13:23

AIBU? It depends what you are asking exactly. Are you being unreasonable to be concerned about whether your sisters lack of Facebook comments means there is some issue between you? Not, NBU. You are entitled to your feelings.

However, are you being unreasonable to expect your sister to comment on all your posts? Probably. If people don’t mean to offend you and aren’t doing anything deliberately hurtful then I really don’t think how they respond on Facebook is any of your business.

Itsarainyday555 · 10/10/2019 13:23

The OP's post is utterly ridiculous, as are all the comments supporting her bizarre, childish and attention seeking views. Get a grip.

noroominthefridge · 10/10/2019 13:25

Gosh - is 12 a milestone birthday these days then?

katkit · 10/10/2019 13:40

Maybe she does have a bit of a strop on, but isn't this normal for siblings? Perhaps she's having a bit of a rough time, and doesn't feel like indulging your good times. You have very possibly done nothing wrong. I have a lovely sister who I can sometimes feel a bit grumpy towards- it's not her, it's me. It's a bit of jealousy, or me feeling sorry for myself. I can get a bit stingy with the like button, for this reason.

how are things when you interact in person? I'd try to let it slide, if they are OK.

NoSquirrels · 10/10/2019 13:46

It’s almost certainly the algorithm.

She’s on FB a lot. You only post every now and then. FB has decided you’re not one of her closest friends.

I mean, mention it if you’re upset, but it is almost certainly not deliberate snubbing on her part!

ChicCroissant · 10/10/2019 13:46

Hundreds of comments - are you one of those people who has thousands of 'friends', OP?

The test here is if you feel daft mentioning it face to face when she comes round today, with your present then that's probably because it is a daft thing to complain about! 'Could you please like my posts so my friends can see?' It doesn't sound good!

NoSquirrels · 10/10/2019 13:48

others are different and would only like or comment if they feel like it rather than just to show support. It annoys me when I see close friend/family ingratiating themselves to mutual distant acquaintances on FB but can't be bothered to simply click like a rare pic on mine.

And this is why FB is horrible.

justmyview · 10/10/2019 13:54

The closer I am to someone, the less likely I am to say HBD on Facebook and the more likely I am to say it privately, via a call or text

Me too

LemonPrism · 10/10/2019 13:58

Personally I think fixating on the performance of interaction and the affirmation of likes is unhealthy.

She has a business on FB so she likely has many many friends on there.

You may not have shown up on the algorithm. I don't post HBD messages on even my boyfriends or sisters walls. I find the whole show of it embarrassing.

She texted and is coming to see you, that's worth much more.

NoDontLookAtMeImShy · 10/10/2019 13:59

As long as she said happy birthday in real life, does it really matter whether she did on Facebook?
If she hadn't even text or called to say happy birthday then yes, something is wrong.

If it's just Facebook then she probably just couldn't be arsed if she already text or called that day (or intended to later and did so)

MinTheMinx · 10/10/2019 14:00

Ah bloody Facebook. It's not like she forgot to say happy birthday is it?

As for not 'liking' your posts, as others have said she just might not have seen them, especially if she has a lot of people she's following.

If you're close to her, can't you just talk to her about it in 'real life'??

RueCambon · 10/10/2019 14:06

I have seen these anniversary posts on fb, and my perspective, they are looking for congratulation on remaining one half of a couple, like the majority of people. This is not challenging, it is not a decathlon or a phd,or your art, it is the norm , it is comfy, or it is the path of least resistance.

So putting it up on fb, fair enough, remember a nice day! Why not, fb is full of people's salads and kittens, but if you were expecting attention for the years having gone past.... then i think being disappointed is a bit inevitable.

imclaustrophobicdarren · 10/10/2019 14:08

Fb has a lot to answer for, it sends people bonkers!

saraclara · 10/10/2019 14:13

This is so depressing. Do people really need validation for every single thing they choose to share on FB? Are people so insecure that if someone doesn't 'like' their latest holiday photo, then there's something wrong?

If I turned up to my sibling's with a gift, having sent them a personal text birthday greeting, and they then confronted me about not posting a greeting on FB, I'd not stick around for long. I'd be confused and then angry that my real life presence was so unimportant to them, since they can't 'show it off'.

Alicenwonderland · 10/10/2019 14:18

I'd say it could be that you are no longer on her follow list so she doesn't see your posts. This can happen accidentally, this did with me a few times. It could be that she has unfollowed you on purpose. I've done this with people who post excessively. She could be deliberately not commenting or liking things, not sure why though if you've not fallen out. You could ask with something along the lines of 'Hey, where was my happy FB birthday?" Keep it lighthearted and there could be a simple reason. It's upsetting you and bothering you so probably best to ask her. I know what people mean about FB, it has so many negatives!! I agree it's dying out now, lots of my friends hardly ever post anymore and will openly talk about how they are hardly ever on it.

Alicenwonderland · 10/10/2019 14:22

I think a few people are missing the point of the post. If it's someone who doesn't comment/post/wish happy birthday/like ect on Facebook then that's fine. It's the fact that her sister is doing this to everyone else but not her.

Redglitter · 10/10/2019 14:30

But she probably doesnt text all the people she wishes a Happy Birthday to on FB. That's probably her one contact with them. She hasnt ignored the OPs Birthday shes texted her instead

betternamepending · 10/10/2019 14:50

So she texted you happy birthday and you are now annoyed because she should have done it on facebook so others could see? Why is that important to you? Why is it more important that others see her paying attention to you than her actually paying attention? Are you very insecure?

AutumnRose1 · 10/10/2019 14:54

"You could ask with something along the lines of 'Hey, where was my happy FB birthday?""

I can't even....

Ludways · 10/10/2019 15:25

I don't even say HB yo my husband on FB, he's more special than that and I say it to his face.

NoCauseRebel · 10/10/2019 15:39

I think a few people are missing the point of the post. If it's someone who doesn't comment/post/wish happy birthday/like ect on Facebook then that's fine. It's the fact that her sister is doing this to everyone else but not her. nope, I get the point entirely and it’s still petty and ridiculous, as are the people telling the OP to ask her sister about it. Seriously.....

And thinking about it, I would find it weird and even inappropriate to send my sister or my DP a happy birthday message on fb and just be one in among all the people who wished them a happy birthday because the notifications said so.

The OP’s sister did wish her a happy birthday. But she did it in person. So the OP literally doesn’t have anything to be upset about.

I wonder if the OP would be upset if the sister had reserved her birthday wish for FB only and hadn’t bothered to put in a personal appearance. I suspect not since it’s all about the likes, innit? People want to be seen to be popular. Hmm Confused

As for the OP’s friend noticing. Words fail me.

PrincessScarlett · 10/10/2019 15:53

Swan, but having a public show of support is what is wrong with Facebook. It's not real and is stopping proper social interactions in real life. This is why so many people are leaving Facebook as it is not good for mental health.

OP, sorry but I do think you sound childish. Your sister or anyone shouldn't have to post on Facebook to be deemed a good person/friend/sister.

Your sister has texted you happy birthday and is coming round to see you with a present. What more do you want?

WotchaTalkinBoutWillis · 10/10/2019 16:16

You could have fallen off her most seen dodah so you are not popping up on her news feed if you don't post much

This.
I know I miss loads of posts from people due to FB algorithms - they tend to only show posts from people you regularly interact with, and as you say you barely post I bet you're not always showing up.

NoCauseRebel · 10/10/2019 17:05

It’s like those copy/paste posts isn’t it? “I know only my true friends will copy this.” In fact I’ve seen them with the preface of “today I’m gonna say bye bye to some of you.”

I actually unfriend people who post that kind of meaningless emotive shite.

WhenISnappedAndFarted · 10/10/2019 17:11

There's no point me piling in as well, the majority of the PP's are absolutely right - you're being ridiculous.