A bit upset (Facebook related)

[Evanted76]

I've done a quick name change as I'm actually a bit embarrassed at this myself.
My sister and I are very close. Grown up from a close knit family. Loads in common, both got grown up kids similar ages and have dogs and have similar hobbies and things in common. Whilst we both now live quite close to each other, there was a period of time where both of us lived in different countries. We both eventually returned to the UK.
For me, mainly because of living abroad, I use Facebook to keep in touch with friends and family. I mainly lurk and will post the occasional cute photo of the dogs, post the occasional photo of the boys on their milestone birthdays, our anniversary etc. I never post random crap, memes or share random crap. When I do post stuff, I generally get a good response from people, probably because I don't post much.
My sister is the nosiest person on the planet. She's a typical people watcher. She spends hours on her phone looking and what everyone is up to, browsing through photos and generally is a Facebook stalker!

However, over the past few months, I've noticed that the seems to have completely ghosted me on Facebook and I've no idea why. I had a milestone wedding anniversary in July and I posted a photo. I got hundreds of comments saying congratulations etc from various friends and family but nothing from her. The same a few weeks later when I posted a really cute photo of my puppy (who she loves)
I've recently had a milestone birthday and the birthday wishes flooded in. I know this sounds so childish but I was a bit hurt when I saw that she had completely ignored congratulating me on Facebook in front of mutual friends and family and instead sent me a text. I know she is still very active on Facebook as I saw she had commented on one of our mutual friends post that was about something and nothing. (she's a beautician and it was about December appointments)
It's got to the point where someone (another mutual friend) has noticed and has asked if everything is okay between us. It sounds so ridiculous but it seems she doesn't like being associated with me publicly. Well I'm saying publicly, in front of our Facebook friends and family.
She's coming over today with my birthday present. Is it worth bringing this up? If so, how?

It just maybe she has taken a step back or is busier with other stuff. I really wouldn't make a big deal of it, there is too much at stake. I would also maybe pull back a bit yourself from being so invested in who is doing what to who on fb - its not real life although as you say useful for keeping up with those far away

Yeah, but even with algorithms, she'd probably still get a message saying it was your birthday. Wouldn't she?

Funnily enough, OP, I have almost the exact same scenario going on with my sister. I'm not really upset about it, I just find it amusing/bemusing.

I suspect it is because I once didn't "like" one of her posts, so she's getting her own back. Lol.

Why on earth would she be jealous? Honestly, I’m seeing this on here so much at the moment, and it doesn’t even mean what people who use it think it means. You mean envious. Anyway, why would a grown woman be envious because other people wished her sister happy birthday. I can’t imagine what train of thought would lead someone to think that of someone they don’t even know. It’s such a vacuous comment.

OP, you seem to be trying to convince yourself and everyone else that Facebook is unimportant to you, whilst otherwise proving that it’s very important to you. How are you getting hundreds of comments for anniversaries and birthdays if you barely use it? How do you know your sister hasn’t commented unless you are reading through every one of those hundreds of posts? It just seems like you are at odds with yourself over your Facebook use. Maybe it’s time to just dump it.

I kind of get what you mean. I would still send HBD message on FB even if I've sent a private text because it's a kind of public show of support/likes for the recipient. I also make sure I like or comment on pics or posts on proper friends or family feed that nobody else has (unless I completely disagreed with it on a topic like politics or some worthy rant or virtue signalling post). But if a close friend or family member posts a pic of their dog or kid or something funny that happened for example, I don't judge it on whether I like the dog or the pic or find it funny - I would like/comment just to show support because it was important to them.

But I know others are different and would only like or comment if they feel like it rather than just to show support. It annoys me when I see close friend/family ingratiating themselves to mutual distant acquaintances on FB but can't be bothered to simply click like a rare pic on mine.

Thank you Swancake you have summed up my feelings perfectly.

But you're not going to bother to thank all the other people who took the time to respond to your post OP, just because they don't agree with you?

Watta "My sister in law lost her best friend over an identical argument/situation"

A best friend? That's just awful, how did that happen?

Swan why is a public show important?

The OP says she and her sister are "very close". If the important interaction with her sister is through fb, they are not close.

I phone my sister. I text her. Especially on her birthday...come on. Facebook is not real life. Needing fb to prod you with a reminder to say happy birthday? That sucks. Needing the knowledge that everyone else saw that your sister was prodded and then wished you a happy day? Oh my God, what is wrong with people?

OP's sister is coming to her house with a gift. THAT is what should happen in real life.

Dear god this is like the school playground. You and those who are checking who is/isn’t liking your posts among hundreds of others really need to grow up/get out more.

For what it’s worth, people who gush about their lives/anniversaries/children/nights out with the besties are generally doing it to cover up what’s really going on in their lives.

They have to be seen to be in lurve/ have a gang of best friends because their marriage is on the rocks and they want people to think they have friends because they got invited out once.

My eXH once tagged me somewhere with the caption “with the love of my life.” We’d gone there to talk about our marriage and the state it was in and whether or not we should get divorced.

Newsflash, facebook isn’t the real world.

Oh! I never say happy birthday on Facebook to close friends in case the friend thinks I only remembered because of Facebook (often this is actually the case). I never imagined in a billion years someone would think it was because I didn't want to publicly be linked with them! In fact I'm slightly embarrassed if people think I'm only following them on Facebook and don't bother to interact in real life (again, often the case).

Interesting how people think differently!

Oooh I'm very very into fb but I never ever send bday wishes on fb always via text if I know them well enough. Will comment on a status if it's a child I know and parent is wishing them happy bday

I'm amazed your mutual friend has been combing through responses to your Facebook messages to check who has and hasn't responses. Sounds like she needs to get a life.

responded, not responses second time round.

This is utterly ridiculous.

Most people can't be arsed to like a facebook post anymore, I hardly like any. I also text or call close friends and family rather than leaving a happy birthday message over facebook. I think a lot of people are realising not to post all their business online and are much more conscious of their digital footprint.

Facebook is not real. It amazes me how seriously grown adults take it.

YABU to care about fakebook. Sorry.

I really don't get the idea that sending a facebook happy birthday is preferable to sending a text message. To me, sending a message to someone and wishing them happy birthday is more personal, and shows i'm thinking of them, as opposed to being reminded by facebook and writing a "happy birthday" post on their wall.

Obviously others feel differently, and that's fine, but I wouldn't read anything into the lack of fb message in this regard OP. As shown by many posters here, myself included, a lot of people think texting is better, and your sister may be of that view also.

You are close to your sister in real life, she is coming over with your present soon, there really doesn't seem to be an issue to be upset about here. And like many of us have said, if you don't post on fb very often, it is very very likely she isn't seeing your posts to respond to anyway, unless she has specifically selected to have you as one of her "see first" people

A personal text is much better than an impersonal happy birthday on Facebook.

Seriously a friend noticed that your sister didn't comment on your post?? That smacks of someone spending way too much time Facebook stalking.

If I was you, I wouldn't mention this to your sister - it makes you sound very needy. Especially as she didn't forget your birthday, text you on the day and is coming round with a gift. You are essentially telling her that's not good enough, you need the public gushing of birthday wishes. Think this perhaps says more about you than it does about her

Can you "mute" someone on Facebook like you can on Twitter? Maybe she's done it accidentally?

she had completely ignored congratulating me on Facebook in front of mutual friends and family and instead sent me a text.

Why do you care what others think of your relationship with your DSis?
Why the need to play out your life for an audience? I just don't get it, it's so fake.

I hate to say it, but it’s probably something deeper especially between sisters.
She could be jealous of the number of likes you get, she could feel like you are boasting - the anniversary for example, what’s her situation? Maybe she doesn’t think your dogs are as cute as you do!
I no longer follow my Dsis because her Fb was incredibly fake. I’d speak to her in real life and she’d say things like ‘I hate my job the people I work with suck’ and then I’d see a post ‘can’t wait to get back to work tomorrow and catch up with my pals’. I had to stop following before I throttled her.
No doubt she’s wondering why I’m distant online but she hasn’t asked.
Maybe you didn’t like one of her posts and it’s her version of pay back?
If everything else in the relationship is fine I’d ignore it.

I really don’t get this statement that someone not doing what others want is doing it because they’re jealous. WTF is that about?

I’d say it’s far more likely that instead of being jealous, the OP’s sister feels that the OP is getting enough vacuous insincere attention on facebook and doesn’t want to be a part of it.

Honestly being upset that the sister sent a text and came round with an actual present instead of wishing happy birthday on social media and liking posts in front of mutual friends says to me that the OP is vacuous and fake. Sorry but it’s pathetic.

My best friends sisterdoesnt comment on her posts prob ever-theres nothing wrong they speak in real life like normal families

Id love to know how old swan and the op are out of curiosity