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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

A bit upset (Facebook related)

128 replies

Evanted76 · 10/10/2019 09:14

I've done a quick name change as I'm actually a bit embarrassed at this myself.
My sister and I are very close. Grown up from a close knit family. Loads in common, both got grown up kids similar ages and have dogs and have similar hobbies and things in common. Whilst we both now live quite close to each other, there was a period of time where both of us lived in different countries. We both eventually returned to the UK.
For me, mainly because of living abroad, I use Facebook to keep in touch with friends and family. I mainly lurk and will post the occasional cute photo of the dogs, post the occasional photo of the boys on their milestone birthdays, our anniversary etc. I never post random crap, memes or share random crap. When I do post stuff, I generally get a good response from people, probably because I don't post much.
My sister is the nosiest person on the planet. She's a typical people watcher. She spends hours on her phone looking and what everyone is up to, browsing through photos and generally is a Facebook stalker!

However, over the past few months, I've noticed that the seems to have completely ghosted me on Facebook and I've no idea why. I had a milestone wedding anniversary in July and I posted a photo. I got hundreds of comments saying congratulations etc from various friends and family but nothing from her. The same a few weeks later when I posted a really cute photo of my puppy (who she loves)
I've recently had a milestone birthday and the birthday wishes flooded in. I know this sounds so childish but I was a bit hurt when I saw that she had completely ignored congratulating me on Facebook in front of mutual friends and family and instead sent me a text. I know she is still very active on Facebook as I saw she had commented on one of our mutual friends post that was about something and nothing. (she's a beautician and it was about December appointments)
It's got to the point where someone (another mutual friend) has noticed and has asked if everything is okay between us. It sounds so ridiculous but it seems she doesn't like being associated with me publicly. Well I'm saying publicly, in front of our Facebook friends and family.
She's coming over today with my birthday present. Is it worth bringing this up? If so, how?

OP posts:

CakeAndGin · 10/10/2019 09:51

I don’t post a lot on Facebook and neither does DH. He took some photos and added them to his Facebook and I wanted to show someone at work. He didn’t appear in my feed, even though my brother and my friend had both liked his post, so I had to search for him to find his photos! Facebook algorithms are weird.

Rachelover60 · 10/10/2019 09:51

Cloudyyy
But surely it’s nicer that she texted you directly?
..........
I agree Cloudyyy, it's much nicer and more personal.

Evanted, if you are really bothered, ask your sister but I really don't think there is any need.

for your birthday.

Bucatini · 10/10/2019 09:52

If your relationship seems fine apart from this then I wouldn't worry about it at all.

TheSerenDipitY · 10/10/2019 09:53

why dont you, you know, just for a change, like, ummmm call her on the phone, or go see her, like i dunno, shes ya sister so maybe , like, you know, you could, like ummm , actually talk, in person, like, you know????

snowy0wl · 10/10/2019 09:53

This is one of the many reasons why I left Facebook. :) I don't understand the need for public congratulatory messages and agree with the others that a text or email is much more personal. I realised how pointless things like Facebook birthday congratulations are when I hid my birthday and no longer received any Facebook birthday greetings. My "Facebook friends" had merely been responding to a Facebook reminder.

Bluntness100 · 10/10/2019 09:54

Bit of an odd post op, she wished you happy birthday, why do you need it to be public?

Bumfuzzled · 10/10/2019 09:56

She's coming over today with my birthday present

You must have done something to really really offend her if she is coming over in real life with a real present

Drum2018 · 10/10/2019 09:58

@snowy0wl that's what I did too, as it's all so fake when you get gushing messages from people who wouldn't know your birthday without Facebook reminders. I see plenty of reminders on mine but never send a message. Then the person inevitably posts the next day thanking everyone for their birthday wishes, cue another stream of gushing posts of belated birthday wishes from those who didn't send one on the day

BillHadersNewWife · 10/10/2019 09:59

If you really got "hundreds" of responses, it's probable that she's jealous.

Knittedfairies · 10/10/2019 10:02

I think that a text is a far more personal way to send birthday wishes than a post on Facebook.

GladAllOver · 10/10/2019 10:06

Just sit back and think how people managed before Facebook. They actually did!

KnifeAngel · 10/10/2019 10:09

I don't comment on families Facebook posts. I text them or see them in person.

AutumnRose1 · 10/10/2019 10:09

Have I understood this correctly?

Someone who is close with you IRL, relationship all good, and you are upset about lack of contact on Facebook?

friedeggsandbeans · 10/10/2019 10:10

This is ridiculous, FWIW an in laws relative died, the whole family, about 20 of us, text her our condolences, she removed us all from Facebook as we didn't "write on her wall". We all think she pathetic.

Hullygully · 10/10/2019 10:10

If you feel it's odd, it probably is.

Ask her

YouMaySayImADreamer · 10/10/2019 10:10

I agree with others. It is a social networking platform and I think a lot of people subconsciously make more effort with people that they want to socially engage with or who they are less likely to see in person or interact with outside of social media.

I have good friends and close family who I see regularly in person, whos children, pets, houses etc I see in person. We share news, photos etc in person, over text, whats app etc and this is when I congratulate on news, gush over their children, animals etc. If they then share something on social media I often skim over it and am probably more likely to "like" a cute photo or news of an old school friend who I haven't seen in years.

AutumnRose1 · 10/10/2019 10:11

"I hate Facebook. It’s been responsible for some of the worst times of my life"

Curious about this. Never used Facebook.

sorebumcheeks · 10/10/2019 10:13

The closer I am to someone, the more likely I am to send a private message/text. You got a text and you’re seeing her tomorrow!

ImportantWater · 10/10/2019 10:15

If it's a close friend or family member, like many others, I will already have said HB to them in person, on Messenger or WhatsApp, so I wouldn't do it on public FB. It never crossed my mind you were supposed to say HB publicly! With others it is completely random whether I say happy birthday to them on FB or not, depends what I am doing when I see it's their birthday. I certainly don't track who says HB to me.

TilandPop · 10/10/2019 10:16

I never say happy birthday to family on FB, always through text or in person.

GettingABitDesperateNow · 10/10/2019 10:19

Do you like everything of hers and comment on her birthday etc on Facebook?

I think this is probably just a difference in perceived social media and Facebook etiquette- it's so new that it's not really established yet. I find older people generally prefer to get phone calls texts and face to face stuff and younger people care more about instagram likes. If she texted you and is bringing you a birthday present round why do you care more about other people perception that there is something wrong, than the reality that she still messaged you and is making an effort? If her behaviour has changed, could she be fed up of you not making a fuss of her on Facebook? You could say 'do you want to see the photos of x or did you see them on facebook already' and see what she says

Personally I dont like anything on facebook or wish anyone a happy birthday because I know if I do then I'll have to do it for everyone I'm friends with or someone will get offended, and it just becomes another meaningless job

saraclara · 10/10/2019 10:21

It would never, ever occur to me to wish my immediate family Happy Birthday on Facebook! And to be honest, I find it weird when people do!

Correct me if I'm wrong, but it seems as though you wanted your sister to wish you a Happy birthday on FB so that your friends would see that and know your sister cares about you?
I hope I'm wrong, because that sounds nuts to me. I don't need to prove to anyone that my family loves me, and I'm pretty sure that none of my friends need to know, or care.

thecatsthecats · 10/10/2019 10:23

Hundreds of responses...

And how many of those hundreds are coming around in real life to see you with a present?

Unless you're the Queen, I suspect not many.

Social scientists have found that most people have actual functioning social circles of 150 or fewer, with a much smaller inner circle.

So frankly, grow up worrying about the social performance of your life events to people who don't give a rats about you really, and appreciate your real friends.

ChasingRainbows19 · 10/10/2019 10:25

If you don't post often the algorithms on Facebook may not bring you up on her news feed.... but to be honest it's only Facebook and social media, do you keep in close contact via phone/text/person

JonSlow · 10/10/2019 10:25

Christ, I wish my life was so easy that this is all I had to get worked up about.

Fucking hell.

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