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Original poster

To believe him? Condom in wash bag

49 replies

wtar19 · 09/10/2019 13:56

My DP has recently been on two trips away. A friend’s wedding overseas a day after returning a one night work trip overseas. I know both trips were exactly what he said they were.
I thought we had a few condoms left but when we last went to use them, the box was empty. This morning when I was looking for something else, I found one in his wash bag.

I asked him why it was in there and did he pack it for his recent trips. He said he didn’t even take that washbag and has been using another one recently (he has several) and maybe it was left over from the last time we went away. He wasn’t defensive or angry but quite calm as if it was no big deal. I pushed him on it and he told me to think carefully about what I am implying / accusing him of as he would never do anything like that and it’s insulting that I am implying it.

Background – I suffer from aniexty and often think the worst in any situation i.e if someone doesn’t text me back – I worry they might have been in an accident and died. So my judgment might be a bit off.

We have been together a few years, we live together and I have never had any reason to believe or suspect anything like this. I feel as if we are happy / in love and both feel as if we have met ‘the one’. But I also feel a bit cynical about just believing this if it’s an obvious clue to something untoward.

Do I just forget it and assume it’s nothing and left over from a trip of ours? Or do I keep an eye out for clues / drive myself crazy looking for them?

OP posts:
Caplin · 09/10/2019 13:59

On the basis he didn't even take that washbag with him, I'd assume it was left over from a trip ages ago that he took with you, or a holiday or something.

Unless there is something else, I would let this slide.

NearlyGranny · 09/10/2019 14:02

Depends whether he's known and proven to be truthful, and where the washbag was...

Was there another washbag with a still-damp sponge or razor in it or was the freshly-used stuff in with the condom?

I'd be reserving judgement watchfully for now, to see if anything else makes your antennae quiver. Things like being glued to his phone and taking calls in another room, etc.

Not guilty but not innocent either, yet - not proven, Scottish style.

Lovetunnocks · 09/10/2019 14:03

I thought we had a few condoms left but when we last went to use them, the box was empty.

If you are confident that there were condoms left from the last time, then I would be suspicious. But then I'm the suspicious type.

NotMyRealName123 · 09/10/2019 14:03

I think @Caplin is right, before all the LTB Brigade arrive and insist he MUST be cheating.

Unless there are other flags and concerns and he didn't take that bag with him then you have no evidence of anything. Can you confirm which bag he took? Did it have any other items in it?

coconutpie · 09/10/2019 14:04

I think the fact that you said you think somebody has been in an accident or has died if they haven't text you back is the bigger issue here - are you on medication for your anxiety? Have you been to your GP about it?

raspberryk · 09/10/2019 14:06

If you use them anyway then just having one leftover in a wash bag that hasn't been used in the recent trips wouldn't be unusual in itself. It might be odd that you thought you had x amount left over and now there isn't but it might not.

outofmydepthhelp · 09/10/2019 14:07

There was a few bits in that bag but also a few bits in every wash bag (there's 5) freebies from flights.

Most of his stuff is back in the normal place now.

He's not glued to his phone at all and would happily let me use it. I'm not going to ask to look through it though, I think he'd be really hurt but let me do it.

I was pretty sure we had some left, as in I was surprised they were all gone but I can't be 100% sure now.

I'm quite cynical anyway.

Thanks everyone!

outofmydepthhelp · 09/10/2019 14:08

Name change fail. Gah.

I'm the OP.

Yes I have a therapist re the panic / aniexty) it just makes it hard for me to see what I should be worried about and what's the aniexty.

MyCatHatesEverybody · 09/10/2019 14:10

How sure are you that you had some condoms left - is it the fact there are none left now (i.e missing?) that's worrying you?

MyCatHatesEverybody · 09/10/2019 14:11

Sorry cross posted. Has he ever done anything at all to betray your trust?

SellmeyourMLMcrap · 09/10/2019 14:13

I'd trust him if there isn't a good reason not to.

One idea could be to check the expiry date of the condom. They tend to have a shelf life of 5 years so if it says June 2024 on the back you know they are relatively recently bought. If they say March 2022 then it could have been in there for 2 1/2 years.

You'll know when you last went away so if it was 2 years ago then you'll know an expiry date of 2021 or 2022 is likely to mean something else is up.

Mydogmylife · 09/10/2019 14:32

I think that really you are aware that it's your anxiety making you think this , rather than your husband cheating. Please do try not to look for issues because you seem to believe you don't deserve to be happy, you'll drive yourself half daft that way, although I do appreciate that's a lot easier said than done!
It's so sad to read on here the number of truly suspicious wives whose immediate reaction to anything even slightly out of the ordinary is that their husband is cheating , what a miserable way to live. I have a healthy dose of cynicism myself but that is not my default position on our relationship!
Chin up, and the absence of anything else I would definitely not be getting worried about this.

BadSun · 09/10/2019 14:35

Were they the same condoms as the ones you thought you had some left of? What was the use-by date on the condom in the washbag? Recent?

Anyway, to be honest his reaction sounds perfectly reasonable. Explanation sounds reasonable, he was calm and got a bit annoyed at you implying he was cheating on you. All sounds fair and believable enough to me really.

Longlongsummer · 09/10/2019 14:36

You need to calmly investigate. Look at the wash bag and contents, are they old? What is the date of the condom expiry? Has this wash bag been taken away on holiday?

There isn’t enough to say that this is an affair.

Justaboy · 09/10/2019 14:36

If .. he was playing away then he'd be bloody stupid big time to take the domestic johnnies and bring them back!

If i was to do that then i'd get them over there and then they, packet and all would stay there. Not that i'td bother me anyway as a single man then no one to hurt etc.

End of!..

Longlongsummer · 09/10/2019 14:42

My Ex kept the condoms to have affairs in the car!

But I do not think OP has a cheating DH.

DaveTheGhost · 09/10/2019 14:46

I’d believe him, but I would be confused about the condoms going missing

britnay · 09/10/2019 14:46

Compare the batch number of the condoms in the washbag to the batch number of the empty box.

GinDaddy · 09/10/2019 14:50

The detectives on this thread! Grin

JulieRat · 09/10/2019 14:54

Sometimes you get condoms out of the box and the rest fall out in a group or are joined together. Could that have happened and they’re still lying under the bed or something?

NoSauce · 09/10/2019 14:57

Would you put condoms in his wash bag if you were both going away? If so and you’re sure he definitely didn’t take the wash bag with him on these trips then I’d let it go.

user1493413286 · 09/10/2019 15:03

If he’s able to think that quickly and keep his cool then I don’t think he’d be stupid enough to take condoms from your joint box away with him so I’d say it’s not something to worry about especially if you didn’t already have suspicions.

LonginesPrime · 09/10/2019 15:05

I thought we had a few condoms left but when we last went to use them, the box was empty.

What was his reaction when you last went to use the condoms and found an empty box assuming you're using them with him?

Did he mention that there might be one in his washbag? Was he surprised there were none left? Did he have to go and buy some more?

WagtailRobin · 09/10/2019 15:14

His explanation is definitely plausible, it really could be as he has said. I have an anxiety disorder, so I can relate to how you react/overthink things but I would suggest in this instance you try to accept what your boyfriend has said and if there are any further reasons for you to doubt him, then address it.

Interestedwoman · 09/10/2019 15:21

@NoSauce is right if a wash bag is where you'd usually keep condoms on a trip together, but I would be suspicious about the possibly missing ones too.

Have you asked your therapist's advice on this particular issue?

I suppose if there's no other signs of dodgy stuff, you'll just have to give him the benefit of the doubt.

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