Would I be too old to have a child?

[redappleandaquamarinebow1987]

I am currently 32 and getting married next year. If all goes to plan we would have a child when I am 34. DP is 4 years older then me so that would make him 38.

Here is the problem. We would like more then one child. He is very close to his siblings and I spend my childhood wishing I had them. Two would be ideal if it was one of each but have considered having a third to balance it out (or at least try). The problem is that I could be in my 40 to early 40s to have a child and DP will be mid to late. Will this be too late? I do somewhat kick myself leaving it so late.

www.thealphaparent.com/what-no-one-tells-you-about-child/4/

I find this website comparing the pros and cons of different age gaps really interesting!

I have had children at 38 and 40, no issues whatsoever even though I only have one tube and one ovary left.
Please, please try to not focus on any gap being better or worse than any other. My sister and I - 4 years - loathed each other and fought like cat and dog. A closer gap can be very rewarding as similar activities can be enjoyed by both children, as to can a larger gap as each child gets more individual attention.
Try not to micro-plan too much, life will turn out as it turns out. Enjoy your marriage and count your blessings, good luck.

That's fair that you want stability. I'm personally just a believer that you can't plan life. Things sometimes don't work out how you expect them, or want them, to. Honesty, none of my life events have happened how I planned at 18 (I'm 25 now).

I'd be afraid of waiting too long for everything to be perfect, then hitting a stumbling block. I wouldn't be anxious if I just wanted one child, but 2/3 I'd be worried about losing valuable fertile years. Sometimes when you over-plan, and things don't go to plan, the downfall can be so much worse.

However, that's just my own opinion. If you want security and are ok with taking the risk of needing/can afford IVF, etc, then it's the right call for you.

Well redapple, I have an only child who has a wonderful life, lots of friends, travels with his job, good career. I suppose he might feel a bit responsible for me in some ways but I'm an independent person and don't need looking after - when I do I'll hire someone :-). I didn't intend to have only one child but other things intervened and to be frank, it doesn't bother me now. He always had a lot of fun, friends and freedom. Life (sometimes) has a way of working out for the best.

You will almost certainly have two children, you're still fairly young. You can't guarantee having one of each sex though - you know that. Siblings of the same sex are fine, plenty of friends of mine have two boys or two girls, I think it's rather nice. If they'd gone on to have a third, it might have been another one of the same sex. When you've had two you may find they are quite enough to cope with.

I do wish you every success but don't try to plan so carefully, it doesn't always work out. Relax, enjoy your marriage and let nature take its course. Please do let us know how you get on! I feel quite excited on your behalf for some reason (silly old woman I am).

for now, you can't have it when you're pregnant .

@Rachelover60 thank you so much for the kind words. 😊 my mum like you is fairly independent but I still feel responsible for her as I see her caring for my grandmother. Funnily enough though she has (brother is one year older, and younger sister is 3 years younger) she gets along with neither. She got along better with her older sister (4 years older) and my aunt and uncle get better along with each other but were very hostile to older aunt. She is still the only one to fly back and forth for 8-12 hours to care for my grandmother.

@Rachelover60 thank you so much for your kind words

I am having my first at 38 :s

Thank you all so much for the kind replies

@Vilanelle oh congradulations

If having a child/ children is something you both really want then do you need to wait until after you're married next year? Why not start trying now to give you more time if you're worried about fertility? It's true that your fertility drops sharply around 35 but it won't happen over night, you may have more time than you think...

@100cupsoftea the wedding is in less then a year so I should still have time till after the wedding. Can't believe I have less then 9 months now lol

I had one at 37 and have been unable to have another. Has your GP done fertility checks? If not you can get a private assessment done which may help your thinking. Hopefully if you are happy to have small gaps all will be well :)

There's an almost four year age gap between my younger brother and I. We KILLED each other growing up. Used to batter each other. Great friends as adults.

OP, you are majorly overthinking this. If you hope to have more than one child I would suggest trying for your second once you feel things have settled after the first. You could conceive easily or you might have difficulty. Life rarely works to such an exact plan

@HappyHedgehog247 fully plan on getting tested

Ill be 33 when I have my 1st - ive never thought on it that much?!

I have 3, born when I was 35, 38 and 42 @redappleandaquamarinebow1987

I had one at 32 and one at 35, and 35 was definitely harder... Harder to conceive, harder to bounce back, more tired. I remember thinking then I'd left it too late for a third.... in the end we stopped at 2, with no regrets.

The problem is that until you try you have no idea of your fertility, I started with a grand plan of having a September baby, that didn't work , My two "September" attempts arrived in Feb and April.

I had my first at 34 (almost 35) second at 36. It's different for everyone but I didn't have any problems. I won't have anymore as my second was tough/finances etc but I I don't feel too old to have another. Curious about the bad zodiac signs...

@Marlena1 Bad: ox, horse (both will like the animal toil hard in life. They are too ernest in nature). Then Monkey and snake (sneaky and can't be trusted)

Good: Rabbit (will always bring in money. My grandmother is a rabbit and the family love to say after her adoption the money in the family tripled... though I suspect that was more my great-grandfathers business sense). I am a rabbit myself and have always been lucky at raffles and financially. The pig is also good. They will always have good fortune. The sheep is also always fortunate in life by having it easy. My mum is however not a fan of the sheep as she finds a lot of them entitled and get their easy life by using others. I can see her point but don't mind them as much as she does as most of the sheep I know are so charming I don't mind indulging them lol mind you this is just from a grand sample of 3 people born in that year lol. I find them easy to love and pet lol

The rest are more neutral.

Thanks a mill! So interesting. Everyone I know falls into neutral

I had one aged 37 after trying for about a year I've now been trying for about 1.5 years for a 2nd still no luck
U get the cards you are dealt
I also know people who decided to get pregnant and did on the first attempt
I wouldn't say u were to old that really depends how u and ur partner feel physically

@Marlena1 tbh I don't think there is such a thing as a bad sign. Obama was born in the year of the Ox I think and he did pretty well for himself. Being hardworking and dedicated I don't see as bad. Plus all have flaws and it's up to the parent to try correct any character weakness the child has

I don't think you'll get 4 years and I think it's stupid to try that. 2.5 years was great with my sister and I

35, I'm assuming you're waiting til marriage to try, then 38, then 42? It's possible but tempting fate. Just try for whatever you can

There's never a right time to have kids there's always an excuse
If u want them just go for it

Hi! Same ages here. Married at 32. Baby 34. Now 35. Waiting a bit due to complicated pregnancy before trying for number two. You are not too old.

As PP have said. Don't overthink it. Enjoy the now! Seriously.