Would I be too old to have a child?

[redappleandaquamarinebow1987]

I am currently 32 and getting married next year. If all goes to plan we would have a child when I am 34. DP is 4 years older then me so that would make him 38.

Here is the problem. We would like more then one child. He is very close to his siblings and I spend my childhood wishing I had them. Two would be ideal if it was one of each but have considered having a third to balance it out (or at least try). The problem is that I could be in my 40 to early 40s to have a child and DP will be mid to late. Will this be too late? I do somewhat kick myself leaving it so late.

Your GP won't be able to tell you about your fertility. You need to go to a specialist and have a series of tests. Also, if you already have your partner, you're better freezing embryos as eggs are very hard to thaw successfully. The process is similar but embryos are more likely to result in a live birth. If you have frozen embryos banked it's all a lot easier.

@Chillisauceboss I meant my reason for wanting marrige first being silly. I just want to legally protect myself etc. Nothing wrong with having kids first

@AiryFairyMum thank you for that tip ☺️

I don't understand your concern? So all goes to plan and you can get pregnant you have a child at 34, have another (assuming you can) 18 months later and then if you have lost your mind have a third at 37/38... Your husand's age is fine, my dad was 42 when my sister was born (mum was 39) they seemed old to be having children that age back in the 90s but now it's pretty much the norm now.

I had my first child at 32, my second 18 months later and all being well I'll have my third 3 years after the second at just turning 37 (I've not started trying yet!). I've not has much of a headstart on you really. I'd have had my third by now but I've delayed for career reasons. My personal cut off is 37, but that's for me, I think up to 40 is fine, but who am I to judge?!

I would have preferred a 4 years gap however I started late as busy establishing a career first then getting on the property ladder so things didn't quite work the way I wanted. I had my son when at 33 ( pregnant at 32 ), fell pregnant when he was one year old but sadly miscarried. Fell pregnant again and had my daugher when I was 35.

There's a two year gap between them and although they get on and are crazy about each other, their needs are different so in that respect probably a shorter gap would have worked better? I don't know. All I know is that I wanted a slightly longer gap as I wanted time with my son before the second one came.

I am now at the point that I am thoroughly enjoying life with both of them and want this to last another year before thinking of a third child. I am 37 now and will be looking to TTC when I am 38. Good luck.

Thank you so much for all the posetive stories. It really made me see we can do this thank you. Will also try be less fixated on the age gap

I had children at 35 and 37 - tried again at 40 and nothing happened . You can not plan everything . I have an 18 month age gap , both boys - they are very close ( best friends although they don’t realise that) - but can also fight like cat and dog . In retrospect if I’d had another child they might have felt a little left out

Mums of all ages 19-40s outside Nursery at pick up/drop off.

I found it excrutiatingly hard work in my 20's (had DS's aged 24 and 28) but that's because Ex was an absolute STBX who made everything so much harder. If you have decent support I think 30's/40's is a lovely age to raise young children.

I'm starting a new career/degree in my 30's now I've raised mine to FT school age and I can't wait to start something new for me. I think this is probably far more unusual nowadays but pfff I can't wait! .

We had ours at 35 & 39, then 39 & 43.

We were fortunate enough to conceive quickly when we started trying and had a miscarriage in between the two.

There is no way of knowing how long, if at all, it will take. But if things are successful when you try, then no I don’t think that’s too old.

You're overthinking it. You may have one and then decide you're never doing that again. Or you might be the next octomum. You just don't know.

I have a 15 month age gap between my two youngest sons and it has worked perfectly, you are close enough to having gone through the sleepless night stage to have not fully become accustomed to a life with less interruption and each phase just lasts a wee bit longer and then it's done. It's as rotten as rotten can be when you and they are all sick however as they regress to newborn status when ill even as toddlers and juggling two when you are on deaths door is hell.

I love how my two year old cares for his one year old brother and I am so so so glad I didnt leave a larger age gap for me personally. 34 is definately not too old to start a family. We went from 1 child to three in a blink

Stop worrying! I gave birth to my first at 35, second at 36 and third at 38!

I don't think your age is a problem but try to let go of a rigid 4 year planning. It is absolutely normal for it to take up to a year of trying to get pregnant. So your schedule might just not happen.

@Glacecherrychops that is actually very interesting I remember reading something like that in an article my mum send me lol

@betternamepending I do realise that and realise the ideal is only if everything goes according to plan without a hitch

OP, in the nicest possible way, you are insane to be worrying about this!

I had mine at 35 and 37 and nearly everyone I know did something similar. When I read your thread title I assumed you were at least 45 or something (and even then it's not impossible). Good luck.

@DuckonaBike that is good to hear. I was just slightly worried I had left it too late being too relaxed about it till now etc.

OP when you get to late 30s you realise 40 is not so old! I had my first at 37 and second at 39. Both easily conceived with a very early mc between. Oh and this is with one tube

Why don't you start trying now? If you're intending on getting married anyway, why wait?

Don't overthink, as outlined above... but do get your egg reserves tested. Your GP shouldn't be 'insisting' anything - she doesn't have a clue whether you have low reserves or not!

You might have twins like me! 🤣

Definitely don't overthink it. I have a 4 year gap with my sister and it was nice. I had in my head that a 3 year gap would be nice but because I was so old when we had our first (39) we tried for a second with a 2 year gap, despite me being a bit wary of having 2 so close together (more from the PoV of my energy levels than anything!). As it turns out, we had two m/cs inbetween and ended up having a 3 year age gap after all! And it is nice, but 2 years would have been fine too. In the end you don't get much choice over gaps, genders or anything else. Try, hope for the best, and see what happens!

Pretty average age these days I would say

Also if it’s very important to you to get married, you could have a quick wedding now and start trying straight away, and then still have your big wedding as planned

@PepePig I do want to be worried first. Just for legal protection. I know anything bad happening such as DP just up and leaving or something happening to him is slim to none but just like I get the seat belt on the instant my bum touches the car seat I want this safety net. I know I am being over cautious and my mum laughs at how cautious I am but I need it lol