to not get into a pissing contest with this woman

[suspended]

I work in tech in a niche field (think Internet of Things)

I have just started a new job with a massive company. Very excited as more scope to work within this field and more opportunity etc.

I was introduced to my new project (exciting) and told that I would be co-delivering with this person (I'll call her X). I was also excited because there are hardly any women working in this field so it was really unusual to have two working on the same project.

She was less than excited. I haven't had a great welcome. Everything was brisk and authoritative. I was spoken to and given instructions akin to the instructions you would give an administrator. I was then told she would be unavailable for a week as she had a 'big presentation to do' .

A week later my manager asked me 'why aren't you at the expo with X?' . It turns out I should have been at a big industry expo in London demoing the tech and mixing with early adoptors. While I have only been with the company a short while I am an expert in my field so it can't have been that I was too new. And anyway my manager thought I should have been there.

So I checked the company website and expo 'TV feed' and there she was on the panel (that I should have been on) answering questions and liasing with potential clients with her Twitter username underneath on screen. (this is relevant) Her username was something along the lines of @Lady_nichefield .

Anyway I was a little annoyed but moved on. The week after I had lots more 'instructions' but when I tried to ask questions about the project I got no answers. So my tactic to mitigate this was to introduce myself to the wider team and familiarise myself with our project if she wasnt going to help.

I then got emails from her saying 'why are you taking the developers time, you can ask me' I explained that I had asked her and she hadn't answered. I also explained that I had asked the developer if he had time to run over the project with me.

I asked her about the expo and she said 'oh I didnt think you'd be interested'.

She then began inviting me to meetings (with clients or internal team) with either 5 minutes to spare or actually after the meeting had started. Given I'm not looking at my inbox constantly I wasn't seeing them in time which meant I missed a couple and attended one late. Very embarrassing.

I contacted her about this and sent screenshots of the invitations (what time they arrived) and she replied underlining the sentence 'I sent them before' .

So at this point I'm feeling quite unwelcome, a bit in the dark and like I'm running around trying to get to meetings I'm not aware of so I contact my manager to clarify our roles on the project. He tells me I have equal responsibility to deliver but "well she is @lady_nichefield on Twitter so maybe shes worried that shes not the only one anymore chuckles"

So I'm thinking that now this is all a big pissing contest and she thinks I'm encroaching on her 'territory' and that my new manager thinks its quite funny that this might be happening. Its not funny, I've only been there a short while and I feel that shes trying to make me look incompetent.

What can I do?

Yes this is true, but you can bet she would have thought twice about trying to sideline a new male colleague, giving him admin when he'd been hired on the basis of a qualification.

I agree with the idea of doing weekly calls, keep it breezy, do it via Webex and hand her the ball to run through the calendar of events?

Or create a joint calendar?

wise words from RB68

I’d take notes and collect all evidence I can of what she’s been playing at. Then with the highest level manager possible present confront her. Say you’re both the same level, yet she’s making it difficult for you. You are good at your job and with her hindering you, you don’t feel like you’ve been given much of a chance to reflect this. Tell her to grow up and act like an adult.

Bad management
Can you go over their head ?
I would also complain to hr about her and the management

Sounds awful!

Hope you got on ok today and ironed out a few of the ‘issues’!

Ideally, I would set up a meeting with X and your managers to clarify everything face to face and then document the meeting with minutes so she can't wriggle out of sharing meetings etc.

If you go down the 1-2-1 route, I would send a summarising email every Friday afternoon stating what she has told you is coming up next week. Then if something occurs that isn't on the list, you can tackle her about it.

But either way, I do think you need to use email to get a trail because I think you will need it going forward, unfortunately. I agree with PP that she's spent ages talking about how busy she is and didn't really want someone to share the load - she just likes moaning about being busy!

Have a meeting every monday morning, do notes with action points, send them to her and include diary and meetings and attendance.

She sounds horrible.

I agree to record all incidents but email them to yourself so they are a contemporaneous record.

Check the company's bullying policy - it must have one, if it's a big company. She is bullying you and she needs to be challenged. If the manager (yours and hers) is not taking it seriously then the bullying is institutionalised. It sounds like she is threatened by you, and insecure, but that's no excuse for this type of behaviour. I'd keep a log of what's been going on, with examples, then contact HR or whoever is in a position to do something about it.

replying "Oh that's strange" to your email about notifying you of a meeting when it was halfway through.. makes it clear this was deliberate.

I work in a very large company on projects agile, waterfall and combo (I’m not an IoT specialist though). I have had experience of working with a threatened but competitive woman and she won as she got the promotion we were both eligible for through undermining me. I have learnt my lesson since! My advice is to get as close as possible to her, befriend her, be super-nice while at the same time making sure you get on top of what’s going on in any way you can - is there a collab site for the project on Teams or similar where you can trawl through info and get up to speed? The weekly meet with her sounds essential to ‘prioritise who is doing what this week and decide who should be at which meeting’ etc. And persist. If she doesn’t play ball within a couple of weeks you have to take this to HR. At worst she is she bullying and at best I bet she is not ‘living the company values’ and needs someone to have a word with her.

She doesn’t like sharing her limelight. You need to make your mark and make sure she doesn’t keep trying to push you out. You said you are a expert in the tech field don’t let her get away with such a CF

I've encountered similar hostility when I've moved roles, when the tricks no longer work, they go off long term sick with stress

Try flattery 1st, if that doesn't work book a 1:1 with her.

State your case, give examples but make it clear you are not there to challenge her only support her but unfortunately your current working relationship is under strain due to her secretive behaviour. It may help to give her a run down of your resume in an effort to reassure her you are happy and competent to share the role.

If you get a negative response simply tell her that going forward she needs to treat you as an equal not as a lackey or you will have to take it further. Make it clear that late invites or no invites at all are unacceptable and reassure her you are there to help not to compete but you will not tolerate the continuation of the status quo as it benefits no one.

You need to treat her as an adult and use eye contact and positive body postures and be clear in your intention.

Do not dance around her or this will continue.

I clicked on this thread imagining all sorts!!
I was trying to work out the logistics of how a 'pissing contest' would work - measuring the amount of piss, the size and placement of various vessels, colour and volume..............

A suggestion is let her take credit for your work initially and there comes a time (not very long I hope) where your contribution will come to light. That way, you start getting the work without getting into visibility contest.

Also a bit surprised how this Agile project is being done. There must be stand ups, retrospective and planning sessions. You could say I'm blocked or have no tasks assigned to you. Is your scrum master not assigning any tasks or stories to you?

I agree with Bouledeneige, isn't this a touch of the devil wears prada syndrome. Iv'e come across this type of person before, the older you get the wiser you get, and more able to contend with these insecure people.
The more honest you are with your employer, the more your collegue "who is busy trying to stich you up and keep you out of the limelight", looks like a heal. You haven't been put their to be intimidated, bullied and left out of the loop. Stick with it.

catch up once a week

I'd start with a regular daily 5 mins stand up meeting with her, so that you can be synced up in spite of any technology challenges.

Then focus on carving out something for yourself. Whoever said you are collaborating doesn't seem to have the balls to make it happen. Find whoever does make things happen , ask them what challenges they have and offer to do something for them.

Enjoy. This is good practise for you in our industry.