to not get into a pissing contest with this woman

[suspended]

I work in tech in a niche field (think Internet of Things)

I have just started a new job with a massive company. Very excited as more scope to work within this field and more opportunity etc.

I was introduced to my new project (exciting) and told that I would be co-delivering with this person (I'll call her X). I was also excited because there are hardly any women working in this field so it was really unusual to have two working on the same project.

She was less than excited. I haven't had a great welcome. Everything was brisk and authoritative. I was spoken to and given instructions akin to the instructions you would give an administrator. I was then told she would be unavailable for a week as she had a 'big presentation to do' .

A week later my manager asked me 'why aren't you at the expo with X?' . It turns out I should have been at a big industry expo in London demoing the tech and mixing with early adoptors. While I have only been with the company a short while I am an expert in my field so it can't have been that I was too new. And anyway my manager thought I should have been there.

So I checked the company website and expo 'TV feed' and there she was on the panel (that I should have been on) answering questions and liasing with potential clients with her Twitter username underneath on screen. (this is relevant) Her username was something along the lines of @Lady_nichefield .

Anyway I was a little annoyed but moved on. The week after I had lots more 'instructions' but when I tried to ask questions about the project I got no answers. So my tactic to mitigate this was to introduce myself to the wider team and familiarise myself with our project if she wasnt going to help.

I then got emails from her saying 'why are you taking the developers time, you can ask me' I explained that I had asked her and she hadn't answered. I also explained that I had asked the developer if he had time to run over the project with me.

I asked her about the expo and she said 'oh I didnt think you'd be interested'.

She then began inviting me to meetings (with clients or internal team) with either 5 minutes to spare or actually after the meeting had started. Given I'm not looking at my inbox constantly I wasn't seeing them in time which meant I missed a couple and attended one late. Very embarrassing.

I contacted her about this and sent screenshots of the invitations (what time they arrived) and she replied underlining the sentence 'I sent them before' .

So at this point I'm feeling quite unwelcome, a bit in the dark and like I'm running around trying to get to meetings I'm not aware of so I contact my manager to clarify our roles on the project. He tells me I have equal responsibility to deliver but "well she is @lady_nichefield on Twitter so maybe shes worried that shes not the only one anymore chuckles"

So I'm thinking that now this is all a big pissing contest and she thinks I'm encroaching on her 'territory' and that my new manager thinks its quite funny that this might be happening. Its not funny, I've only been there a short while and I feel that shes trying to make me look incompetent.

What can I do?

Go through all her Twitter followers and Google them and set up lunches and meetings with them to introduce yourself and make sure they have you in their contacts too.

Can you ask to meet every Friday for 20 minutes, to go through each other’s diaries, make sure nothing is missed that you should be attending, something that only one needs to be there and so on?
For what it’s worth, she sounds like a dick! I used to love new people and delegating, finally some breathing space!!

I think you need to be brutally upfront with her about this. When I say 'brutally', I also mean polite and professional but just to the point.

You need to lay out your expections and made it clear that if they are not met, you will have no alternative but to take it further. I know that sounds a bit over the top but I've been in a very similar situation and literally had to spell it out to this other woman. It wasn't massive fun but we got it sorted which was my aim anyway.

Definitely be entirely to the point about how she needs to communicate more effectively if she expects to get any benefit from the situation as at the moment your manager has even noted her petulance disrupting the work environment and she is damaging herself.
Maybe that's why they hired someone else, perhaps she's swamped but thinks she can handle it?

It's a massive global org (100k+) and the agile project is shoved into a mostly waterfall org.

Everyone's calendars are private as default because we work with massive companies with sensitive data (including defence orgs) so she doesn't have to share her calendar with me.

I mailed her a screenshot last night showing i had received the invitation mid-meeting and she replied 'oh that's strange' I have also got her to tell me when all the recurrent meeting are.

Today I'm going to set up a 121 with her and talk to her about how we work going forwards. Organisation/deliverables/responsibilities. I guess I just expected her to welcome me and onboard me like I would with another person.

If I feel she is still being cloak and dagger and keeping things to herself I'll speak to the person who sits directly above us and ask them to clarify my role and delivery responsibilities.

We aren't in the same office which makes it hard for me to track her down and she's poor at replying to me.

Interestingly (this was volunteered to me) another person in an adjacent project (who I ended up having to have show me where MY project docs lived) asked 'how are you finding X?' And I said 'oh she really seems to know her stuff which is nice' and the other person said 'mmmm' and that was it. Made me quite suspicious.

I'm keeping everything on email as a trail. Last resort though to complain to her.

@Beesandcheese yes that's why I was brought in. The field has really taken off and we want to be able to expand the work we are doing. So that's why I was brought in so I could oversee a few of the projects in the field. It's an equal divide. She has three work streams to manage and so do I!

I agree that she sounds like a total bitch, but I do also wonder if she is actually clear on what your role is. I've been in situations before where a new person joins the team and you're just told their job title, or "This is Jenny, she'll be working on the X project with us until November", or "This is the new Margaret" and you're left wondering what exactly that means. I've also been in a situation where I requested help on a project and was sent a temp to support me, and was not told that she didn't have the same qualifications as the previous person in her position. She never informed me of this either. A lot of confusion ensued. This was my own fault for not clarifying with her, but ultimately it was just a lack of communication all round and a lot of people, like me, wouldn't think to check. People assume things and forget to tell people that plans have changed.

the agile project is shoved into a mostly waterfall org

I'd say that is the case on most of my clients. Very few are anywhere near a SAFe way of working.

I guess I just expected her to welcome me and onboard me like I would with another person

Ask her directly what input she had to selecting you for the role or if you were wished upon her. You both need to find a way to work together, that is a lot easier if you know the reality of the situation, that can be easier if you both acknowledge the short comings of any process and can agree to focus on delivering the piece of work.

Do you have access to her diary? Keep it up alongside yours so you know when she has something scheduled. Check the room bookings for her name etc.

But really you do have to speak up and give yourself tasks and tell her what you will be doing.

I would look for another job. I don't think you're going to be happy there. Your skills will be much in demand elsewhere and there's really no need to try and make this work.

She doesn’t like you and she’s threatened by you. You need to deal with it head on and without nonsense.

Go to HR and be clear she’s bullying you, excluding you and stopping you from doing your job professionally.

Personally I detest politics like this and I’d be leaving - this isn’t a dream job if an organisation can’t be professional enough to stamp out this shit.

Raise the issue with her manager and then copy your manager and hers for every information request for a while. If she isn’t giving you notice of meetings, attach the notification to an email, copy both managers and demand more notice.

You need to speak to whoever IS senior to you. (Who was responsible for hiring you?)

@suspended not really difficult re Agile in tech environment and the sort of cross working you were talking about (good old fashioned matrix in reality)

Personally I find when you combine matrix or agile style teams and working with the wrong sort of culture it can lead to one up manship and beating down the competition etc. Which in a fast moving male dominated environment can be particularly vicious and personally I think women can often overcompensate to achieve and be over protective of their status - mainly as it has been hard won. It is seen as a win lose environment rather than win win - the main losers being clients.

The worst I have seen is in some of the big 4 type consultancies where you are also in competition to be chosen to be on project teams and then also whilst working on projects managed with the threat of pulling you out. Then it extends also into personal life and their is a super competitive edge to triathlons, marathons cycling and the like.

It sounds like you have bounced back and have confidence int he assessment of the situation and some comping mechanisms to get it back in your control :-)

Coping not comping

As a thought does the company encourage mentoring and coaching.... might be worth seeking a mentor or coach - creating alliances?

@RB68 you sound like you have got it right. Big 4 consultancy, lots of competition.

Add into that the move from programme style management to SafE with a lot of people feeling (if not being made) redundant.

Because our niche area is a growing market I think she thought that she was fairly safe as 'the person to go to' (which I believe she is tbh) but the amount of projects we were doing in this area tripled and I was brought onboard to share the load.

So I do understand that she feels threatened. But its such an alien concept to me to make another person look incompetent (or to hog work, or work opportunities) etc. Its weird. And I think its compounded by the fact we are so similar (look similar, same age, female, had kids at a young age, etc) and that is quite unusual.

Big 4 consultancy, lots of competition

But are you both aligned to the same practice or is eg one of you aligned to a cross industry technology practice whilst the other is aligned to an industry group? If the latter you are not in direct competition for progression.

If you are both in the same practice and at the same level you are in competition but then there should also be someone further up the practice hierarchy who oversees both of you.

Is this move to "Big" consulting a new area for you? Its very different to working for vendors or clients or even compared to small consulting orgs. Its a sharp learning curve to join as an experienced hire and they should have internal training on managing relationships which is just as useful handling the internal politics as for dealing with clients

From her point of view if the communication was not handled well you are a potential risk to her ability to deliver. This is why you need to have a F2F discussion with her to understand the bigger picture and align your objectives jointly.

It's sad really that us women can't lift each other up and support one another rather than feel threatened.

Just looked up what SAFe is - what a monster!! You will need AI to manage on that scale!

I would pull this thread if I were you, OP.
Could easily be recognised, especially as you are in a niche area...

Turn it back on Management.
Ask her for a meeting and tell her you feel your both being setup by someone further up the chain.
That you need to both work together to prove your team players.
Can she email you her diary on Friday for the next week, and you will do the same.
The send her a message to document it.

If you were brought in to "lighten her load" she'll take that as just to give you the jobs that she doesn't want to do as her role is already established and she's used to just getting on and doing it all and not thinking about sharing

Clearly defined roles between the 2 of you would be more helpful otherwise you're just treading on each other's toes. If you're not even based together I don't see how you can work on exactly the same things

I had something similar with a colleague, tried to sort it in a reasonable way until I realised she was doing even illegal stuff to try to frame me. At that point the gloves went off. I just observed her for a while and realised she was doing something wrong that was costing thousands of pounds to the business, so next time a puzzled auditor came around I just mentioned casually... oh I don’t know that account has always been a bit of a puzzle...

She was fired the next day.

It's sad really that us women can't lift each other up and support one another rather than feel threatened

Meh . Nasty fuckers cross both genders IMO

I think it’s a bit sexist to expect women to be nice . Why should we

We have to work and pay the bills
And the inevitable outcome is we have to deploy fairly hostile and protective behaviours

NOT defending this woman. But this
IS the world of work

Sadly