This is utter shameless bragging but I'm not sorry

[LifeonVenus]

Well I am sorry, because I hate bragging if it makes someone else feel a little less, but I hope this is a little bit more about me than inconsiderately not considering anyone else.

My dd has had a tough start in life. Think less than ideal family life, no father, lives with her grandmother etc.

Last week, she messaged me (she's just going into GCSE year) to tell me that she got an award for academic achievement for her 2nd year results. She was utterly ecstatic. I don't think anyone was more surprised than she was, as to me her grades were all over the shop (a mixture between A, B's, C's and a D in Maths).

I suspect it's not that she came third in her year, but it was more that she put in effort, but she is fully convinced she came third and I'm not about to burst that bubble. She just turned 15 and told me 'Mammy - if I could do that with only putting in a little bit of effort - imagine what I could do if I study!'. She's like me in that the carrot works better than the stick.

I'm banned from posting about her on FB, I've no friends here (friends don't really care anyway), so her godmother and grandfather rang her to congratulate her.

She really has had all the odds stacked against her so anything and everything she has achieved is all on her. So I just wanted to say that to someone. Don't know why. I don't have anyone else to tell who wouldn't feel it's bragging or something.

Anyway, just thought I'd put it out there. The encouragement seems to having a brilliant effect on her. I firmly believe in encouragement and praise.

And if anyone wants to tell me I'm a brilliant Mum (I'm the worst Mum on the planet - she doesn't even live with me), then that would be cool too..

Sorry. I usually hate these kinds of posts.

OP, you may have screwed up spectacularly in the past, but you own your mistakes. Don't beat yourself up for a past you can't change. Fundamentally, you come across as a good person - self-aware and reflective. Of couse you should be proud of your DD and take pleasure in her success: she worked hard and deserves praise. Going forward, continue to be spportive, and hopefully with time, start to heal the fractured relationships with your family. I wish you and your DD the very best for the future.

@LifeonVenus

Thank you for your lovely post. Your daughter sounds amazing. And you sound amazing.

From what you have posted, you and your DD have had a tough time and you made difficult, but necessary choices.

Your love for your daughter shines through. Wishing you some happiness & contentment. And better health too 💐

Brag all you want, it is justified and well deserved!!! congratulations to your daughter and dont put yourself down so much, you have obviously done something right!!! be proud for both of you!!

I love this post.

Well done Mammy

In my selfish pride, I missed out on a lovely message from @Chloe9. I just wanted to say that I just re-read the messages this morning and yours stuck out as being similar to my/our circumstances. I wish you and your eldest dd the very best of all that fortune can throw your way. Feel free to share her achievements and her battles if you like.

Again, to everyone who posted, I've rarely read such a lovely bunch of comments from everyone on a post on MN. Thanks to each and every one of you. I feel a little embarrassed today for posting, but I'm very grateful for your kindness.

I'm sure we all have little gems in our lives. I just don't have many people to share the ups and downs with so thanks you lot of vipers for permitting me to be a self indulgent twat.

Oh and to answer one question, yes I'm Irish. And the last comment 'Well done Mammy' was lovely. I love being Mammy!

Also - yes - I gave the lecture about 2 forms of contraception. I think she was disgusted that I'd even consider she'd be considering such fornication, but better to have the talk earlier rather than later!

Oh, I just love you, Venus.

Keep well.

Thank you vivarium. I'm due to go into treatment in a few weeks which I'm dreading, but I suppose looking forward to the results in equal measure. I'm not sure if I'll be able to contact her when there, but she knows about it, so she's happy it's happening. As I said, her circle of friends are her life now. God only knows what she tells them about me! She has been over to London to visit me when I've been well and had a whale of a time. She loved London (she lives in rural Ireland). Her first comment was on seeing a police car - she was like - look - it says Police - I thought everywhere had garda! Lol, she's an innocent 15 year old in a lot of ways. She got the full London treatment when here. When we were on the tube, an announcement came on (which in all my 5 years here I've never heard before or since) 'CAN WE HAVE TWO STAFF TO THE FRONT CARRIAGE AS WE HAVE VIPs BOARDING?'. Of course dd thought this must be part and parcel of life in London. Then we got accosted by one of those agents selling photoshoots who of course dropped the word 'modelling' in while talking to dd (bless her, she's only 5'3, but to her she was being scouted hahahahaha). So she really experienced London. And at the show I brought her to at the Royal Victoria (Wicked), there was a standing ovation at the end which she had never experienced before and she was overwhelmed. We also did a walking tour (HP) of London and she was like 'London is very old' as they go into a lot of the history. She's the kind of child who just gets joy out of the simplest of things.

When she was a baby, she was the quietest baby ever. My aunt (a midwife) walked in on her lunch-time one day and dd was in her cot with her eyes open and just looking around, taking in the world. My aunt remarked - in my 30 years of looking after babies, I don't think I've ever seen a baby with their eyes open when their mouth isn't open too lol.

Of course that's all just remarkable to me, but you'll have to shut me up now or I'll talk all day about her.
Please please somebody else tell me about their children. I'd love to hear.

OP, I have known of parents living with their children and making absolutely no effort in their children's education or manners or listen to granny who really wants DC to do well. Not bothering to wake up to get child ready for school, although theoretically a 14 year old is not little and can wake themselves up, get breakfast and study and here your daughter has done it! Congratulations to the GM too! Have you bought her a gift?

It was her 15th birthday 2 weeks ago, so she got a lot of gifts. I haven't sent her a gift for this specifically, no.

Just to explain the type of child she is - she knows her grand-dad will always give her money for her birthday.
She gets some pocket money, but not much.
When last in Ireland to visit, I had a budget of 150 euros or something to buy clothes for winter. She had something like 30 left over and she asked if she could save it for when she goes out with her friends.
She just likes to have a few pound to spend in Penneys (Primark) etc. so of course I said she could.
She got 100 from her grandad for her birthday and that is gone into her savings account.

I spend most of my time telling her that when she goes to uni, she'll need money and she won't want to be the one who can't go out as she has no money (I was that child). So she has quite a little bunch of savings - from when she was a baby, all money gifts went into savings for uni.
University if relatively free (free fees) in Ireland mostly - but you've still got to pay rent/food/social life/books etc.
She will qualify for a grant which should cover most of her rent. I'll make up the shortfall and she's intent on getting a summer job from next summer. She also makes a small amount of money playing music. Her grandfather and grandmother should cover the rest. But for a 15 year old she has about 3k in savings which are all her own. Not our savings for her. Just money she got as gifts which she saves. She's a great little kid.
She never fails to buy presents from her own money (pocket money) and not cheap either. She's not a miser at all.
Plus all her friends and birthday parties must cost her all her pocket money bless her.
I'll live on beans and toast (as it is I eat fuck all anyway lol) to make sure she isn't like me at uni with not a penny to her name.
If she gets her summer job next year (waitressing), she'll have experience then to get a job wherever she goes to uni.
She'll do well.

I'm delighted if my kids flush and wash.

You're right to be proud of her.

Indeed, a very together young lady and from me mums old country too;))

Bless her!

How wonderful! Thank you for sharing, it made me happy to read this and I am rooting for you and your dd!

LifeonVenus has your daughter just started in her junior cert year? Just a tip for when your daughter does her leaving cert in a few years apply for the SUSI college grant as early as you/her grandparents can. And they are very helpful and answer the phone straightaway which is unusual in Ireland! Does she have any idea what she wants to study in college yet?

Absolutely well done OP!! You must be so proud!

Oh my goodness OP I've just read your updates. Sat here in tears. I'm so sorry life has been unkind to you. I've been in those dark places too but been well for 5 years now. I hope you find a treatment that makes life more bearable for you.
You have every right to feel proud and shameless boast!
Wishing you and your daughter both a bright future with lots of love xxx

Yes, she's started Junior Cert year. Thanks for the tip on the Susi grant, but my mother still has social workers keeping an eye on her (long story) so is very clued in to every cent she can get.

Latest I heard was Law (which I've always thought she would brilliant at - great memory recall, charming, could argue black was white), but if she doesn't pick up her grades, it might just be something a little more mainstream like Arts and see where she wants to go from there. I also think she lacks the focus to study hard enough for something like law, so was thinking an easier degree might be better (I keep those thoughts to myself for now!). I've also thought she'd make a brilliant cop lol, but we'll see.

Her highest grades consistently are music and Irish. She gets B's in things like Geography and Business Studies. Was doing really well at maths too until 50% in her summer exams - 88% this most recent one, so as I said her grades are inconsistent and all over the place. I don't know whether she's not able to study or what the fuck she's at half the time - my mother wouldn't have a clue how to help her.
To be honest I'd be happier if she went for a diploma rather than a degree. She's just not really an A student - might surprise me with this new found motivation - who knows!

PS - what is the Susi grant? I'm sure my mother knows what it is - I presume it covers accommodation costs like in my day and fuck all else? Not sure what this budget did either.

@feelinghelplesstoday Thank you. Hope your username is from another day. x

Ah this has really cheered me up this afternoon ! You both sound fabulous! Congratulations to your daughter

Thank you @Ilovewillow. We're muddling through. Latest news is that they beat arch rivals in hockey on Wednesday, so she's chuffed about that. Facing a team next week who always beat them, lol, so I've told her to pull no punches. Haha - I sound like a nightmare. (I probably am).

Fantastic! She has done so well and this is great encouragement for her future . The fact she couldn’t wait to tell you and your delighted response makes you an ideal mother ! X

Ye, she knows I love all her achievements. I surprised her 2 years ago when she was through to the All Ireland Fleadh (set dancing). I had bought her an ipad for going into secondary (still going strong thankfully!). She usually makes it through to the all irelands, but the standard is so fucking high at that level. She's won Leinsters at fiddle too. I get videos of her and when she's not talking to her 58 friends a day and I can get through on Whatsapp we chat.

I suppose it's an unusual set-up. But it's the best I can do and I have to accept that. She's doing well despite everything.

As I said, her school has a lot of boarders and international boarders, so it's not all that unusual for her to have friends who don't live at home with Mammy and Daddy. She's cool with it. Plus I think she can get around Granny quicker than she'd get around me.
She's not being reared how I would rear her, but I've come to accept that.

@LifeonVenus thank you. Yes name was in reaction to my daughter telling me she had been sexually assaulted whilst we were on holiday. Felt very very helpless but we're working through it.
Your daughter sounds wonderfully-sporty, musical, clever and creative. Every reason to be a proud mammy ❤️❤️. xx

SUSI grant covers the fees and depending on family income and circumstances and also how far the student lives from the college the student would get anything between nearly €6,000 per academic year and fees covered or just the fees covered, I think. So as per usual in Ireland it doesn't cover a lot. My niece is studying in Cork and she lives over 200 miles from Cork but her parents are paying €880 per month for her accommodation! Even if she qualified for the full grant it wouldn't cover her accommodation.