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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think it’s mine now?

125 replies

startube · 06/10/2019 10:06

I was given a piece of furniture by a relative a few years ago. Since redecorating I decided it no longer matches and I want to buy something else in its place. Placed it up for sale and got a message from my brother asking if it has sold, and if not could he have it (for free). AIBU to think it’s mine to sell? I think he feels he has a claim to it as it came from a relative. I need the money to put towards the replacement so I am reluctant to give it to him.

OP posts:

MintyT · 06/10/2019 10:07

What is it and how much are you selling it for, have you told him you need to sell it as need the funds for the replacement

MoonlightBonnet · 06/10/2019 10:08

Did you get it for free from the relative? If so, I think you should give it to your brother. Legally you own it and can do what you want, if course.

SlatternIsTrying · 06/10/2019 10:10

It is yours, but, in these circumstances I would always offer it up amongst the family first.

Shoxfordian · 06/10/2019 10:12

Say you need to sell it to replace it but offer him a discounted rate to buy it

SillyLittleBiscuit · 06/10/2019 10:15

It is yours to sell I suppose but I’d give to my brother if I’d got it free. How much could you for it?

SparklyMagpie · 06/10/2019 10:15

Did you get it for free off relatives?

Tbh I think yabu

You can get it off your hands, I'd say maybe, if you paid for it and it was very expensive I'd possible offer at quite a discount

But then if I was getting rid of something and a family member wanted it, I'd give it to them

I also think you sound abit bratty tbh

Pardonwhat · 06/10/2019 10:17

Technically you’re doing no wrong.

Morally, and to avoid looking like an arse hat, I’d give it to him.

BarrenFieldofFucks · 06/10/2019 10:17

If it came from a mutual relative I would probably pass it on tbh.

IndigoHexagon · 06/10/2019 10:17

I’ve put YABU - but was the furniture bought specifically for you or was it a hand me down?
If it was bought for you specifically then it’s yours to sell like any other gift. If it’s a family hand me down I do think you should have offered it for free to other family first.

Stompythedinosaur · 06/10/2019 10:17

If you were given it for free then I'd say you should probably pass it on to your brother.

Hwory · 06/10/2019 10:19

Bit weird if you can take but you can’t give.

HollowTalk · 06/10/2019 10:20

I wouldn't sell to my brother in that situation. Something similar happened to me and I passed it on to my niece. I think if your brother would quickly sell it, then I wouldn't give it to him, but if he'd keep it for years, then I would.

MitziK · 06/10/2019 10:21

If it had fallen apart, fair enough, get rid. But you're only wanting to replace it so you have something that coordinates better and would be selling something that cost you nothing.

I think it should go to your brother when you can afford to get your preferred version yourself.

TipToeToothFairy · 06/10/2019 10:21

While it is yours, if I was selling something someone else in the family gave me I'd ask them if they wanted it back, offer it among family and then if no-one wanted it I'd offer the person who gifted it to me the money I got. They were good enough to help you out and most of the time people will say no but I think it's right when they've been good enough to give you things for free. What goes around comes around

FilamentBabe · 06/10/2019 10:22

If it was given to you for free then Id say you should probably give it to him. If you paid relative for it then offer it to him at a similar price you paid. I gave a load of baby clothes to a relative and have since noticed she put them up for sale and it did cross my mind it was a bit cheeky to make money from something I gave her for free.

Fatted · 06/10/2019 10:22

If you got it for free, I would give it away for free.

I gave a relative my dining table set for free. It was only a cheap one from Ikea, but I didn't need it at the time due to space and they did. I was pissed off when a few months later they sold it. If they didn't need it, I would have had it back and stored it away or sold it myself.

So yes, if you didn't pay for it, it doesn't sit right with me to profit from it.

WrongKindOfFace · 06/10/2019 10:22

I think it’s grabby of your brother to assume he can have it for free.

It’s yours to do with as you wish. If you need the money then sell it.

64sNewName · 06/10/2019 10:22

It’s yours, but as you received it for free from a family member, it would be unkind and odd to insist on selling it rather than passing it on again within the family.

NorthEndGal · 06/10/2019 10:23

Unless there is a big ugly backstory, why would you not want to help out your brother, as you were helped?

pooopypants · 06/10/2019 10:24

What kind of furniture is it? How long did you have it? What is your relationship with your brother like?

Feels a bit cheeky to sell it if you didn't pay for it to start with. Surely if you have the money to redecorate, you should be able to either afford the replacement or save up until you can replace it. I would anyway.

TipToeToothFairy · 06/10/2019 10:25

Just to add, I have a friend who did this with all the baby things that a bunch of us gave her. We expected her to give them back or ask our friends who got pregnant later if they wanted them. She sold them all, even things that she was specifically told people needed back. Nobody gives her anything now, it seems grabby and selfish

MM29 · 06/10/2019 10:33

When my parents downsized I was given a number of sentimental items and "pieces" of furnature for free. I would willingly pass these on to my siblings if they ever expressed an interest as some things you dont "own" you are just the custodian of.

I do feel that items of furniture or simmilar which have been in the family should be passed on to other family members first before selling on or chucking away.

Original poster

startube · 06/10/2019 10:34

Relative gave it to me as it had a small defect, and I didn’t have much furniture so was grateful for it at the time. Relative would not want it back or accept money for it.

I can give it to my brother but that would mean I would be lacking in furniture and still unable to afford replacement. My brother doesn’t really need the item, he already has several. He told me if he decides that he doesn’t want it after all then I can sell it.

OP posts:

NailsNeedDoing · 06/10/2019 10:35

In my family, you'd be expected to pass it on for free if another family member wanted it. That's because family gave you the benefit of it for free, so why wouldn't you want to do the same for others?

If no one wanted the thing or it was damaged, then fair enough, get rid of it, but it comes across as very grabby and selfish to want to profit out of something you'd been given out of generosity just because you have decided that it is no longer good enough for you. Either keep the thing, or pass on the kindness that was given to you. But don't sell it so that you can upgrade when someone else needs it, that's just rude.

BlueChangeling · 06/10/2019 10:37

I wouldn't dream of making a profit off my own brother on something I got for free

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