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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think it’s mine now?

125 replies

startube · 06/10/2019 10:06

I was given a piece of furniture by a relative a few years ago. Since redecorating I decided it no longer matches and I want to buy something else in its place. Placed it up for sale and got a message from my brother asking if it has sold, and if not could he have it (for free). AIBU to think it’s mine to sell? I think he feels he has a claim to it as it came from a relative. I need the money to put towards the replacement so I am reluctant to give it to him.

OP posts:
meccacos2 · 06/10/2019 11:11

He told me if he decides that he doesn’t want it after all then I can sell it.

Sell the item.

He doesn’t need it - he just wants something for free.

It was given to you, not him.

MrGsFancyNewVagina · 06/10/2019 11:13

MN is very very weird atm. Several threads where people clearly have fallen out if bed and banged their head in the process.

Thank goodness I’m not the only one that has noticed that. Apparently we’ve had an influx from the pretty ticker mum site. It’s kike watching two different cultures collide. 🤣

Babynamechangerr · 06/10/2019 11:13

Bit of a difficult one as I think it depends on both circumstances.

It sounds like money is quite tight for you, so it depends on whether it is for your brother as well.

If I was your brother I wouldn't take the item from you if I was in the better financial position, I'd either buy from you at the price you wanted or just leave you to sell it and buy a new one.

SilverChime · 06/10/2019 11:14

Tell him you were selling it to fund a replacement, so if you’re going to give it away for free you can’t actually afford to replace it and therefore would need to keep it! If he already has several he doesn’t really need it anyway.

BlackCatSleeping · 06/10/2019 11:16

Usually, I'd say that if you got something for free, you should pass it on, but it sounds like you really need the cash, so in this instance, I'd say sell it and don't feel bad.

73Sunglasslover · 06/10/2019 11:16

MN is very very weird atm. Several threads where people clearly have fallen out if bed and banged their head in the process.

Is it always this difficult for you when people have a different opinion than your own? Do you always then start insulting people? How truly horrible.

Instatwat · 06/10/2019 11:17

I think it’s CF to sell anything you got for free.

OldEvilOwl · 06/10/2019 11:17

Tell him it's been sold already- problem solved

JockTamsonsBairns · 06/10/2019 11:20

An electric heater? Why on earth would you need a new electric heater to "match" your redecoration colour? I'm not even sure they have the second hand resale value to merit this degree of family strife.

Butchyrestingface · 06/10/2019 11:23

Interesting to see the general consensus on this thread, given that when posters start threads complaining that items they’ve gifted friends have wound up sometimes being immediately sold on Ebay, they are given short shrift. Confused

OP, I think YANBU. You need an item with a functional purpose. Your brother does not need this item. I would tell him what the situation is and let him make you an offer or tell you to just go ahead and sell it.

BlackCatSleeping · 06/10/2019 11:27

I missed that it was just that it didn't match. Honestly, I think you should hang on to it until you can actually afford a replacement. It really doesn't matter that it doesn't match your new decor.

notso · 06/10/2019 11:28

If it's not sentimental then I don't think you should pass it on.
From what I can gather the relative bought it, didn't want it and passed it on. Your brother can bog off.
I was sad that my Aunties took loads of my grandparents furniture and jewellery to sell after they died. I'd have liked the opportunity to buy them myself, they might not have had any sentimental value to them but they did to me.

HeyNotInMyName · 06/10/2019 11:29

@73Sunglasslover, I had to laugh at your comment.

I have no issue with people having different opinions than me.
But seriously, this thread is so much at the opposite to what your normally hear in MN that it’s crazy. And yes I’ve noticed that in several threads today/yesterday.
If you have been here for a while, then you will know that the general consensus is that it’s ok to sell whatever gifts have been given to you, even a couple of days afterwards because they were a GIFT. I mean there is one going on atm where the OP is advised to either sell, regift or ask for an exchange of the b’day present she just got from her partner!
So that what I mean with people been weird.
Interesting that you took that as an insult though....

LolaDabestest · 06/10/2019 11:30

Yabu you got it free it's cheeky to sell it!

80sMum · 06/10/2019 11:33

OP, the item of furniture you were given is a heater? And you now want to sell it and get a different type of heater that will "go" with your new decor?

If that's the case then it does seem rather odd that your brother would make a fuss about you selling an old heater! Unfortunately, I doubt that anyone would want to pay very much for it if you sell it. Second-hand electrical items rarely sell, as people are concerned about possible safety issues.

INeedAFlerken · 06/10/2019 11:33

If he doesn't really need it, then tell him you need the money for it to go towards a new piece of furniture. He can pay for it or you will be selling it elsewhere.

73Sunglasslover · 06/10/2019 11:34

@HeyNotInMyName

I think it's more interesting that you say that people who disagree with you must have been hit on the head and you don't see that as insulting.

I don't agree with your idea of what the consensus is either. There are lots of threads along the lines of "I gave my mate a handbag I didn't use any more as she's always loved it and she sold it on ebay and didn't give me the money, AIBU to think she's a CF". I'm OK with you seeing things differently to me though and it won't make me suggest that you must have had a head injury.

QualCheckBot · 06/10/2019 11:47

This doesn't even make sense OP. You have enough money to redecorate and replace a working heater with one that matches your colour scheme better, but you don't have enough money unless you sell a second hand electrical item for the peanuts you will get for selling second hand electrical items.

Technically, ownership has transferred to you so you can (try) to sell it, but this is more of a social contract and by doing so, you are transgressing all sorts of social rules about being grabby and rudeness. Which I suspect is why your brother attempted to ask for it back.

Is it really worth being seen as grabby to make a few pounds selling an old electrical appliance second hand? and if you're that short of cash why don't you just live with its slightly clashing colour until you're less short

TheresAFuckOverThere · 06/10/2019 11:50

The item I am saving for is an electric heater so not just aesthetic. I might say to him that I am saving for a heater, so once I have enough money he can take the item then?

so the item is another kind of heater?

IwantedtobeEmmaPeel · 06/10/2019 11:53

I think you should tell your DB that you cannot afford to give the item away as you will then not be able to replace it and you cannot manage without an electric heater. If necessary tell him you have changed your mind and are keeping it, then sell it later. This is nothing like a family heirloom so he doesn’t automatically have first dibs.

Icantthinkofanewname87 · 06/10/2019 12:06

Your brother is an arse! I’d not even entertain the idea of giving it to him and wouldn’t even have dignified his question with a response. Unless it’s a priceless sentimental family heirloom, which it’s not, you’re well within your rights to sell it. Your brother is a CF.

FamilyOfAliens · 06/10/2019 12:10

I’m struggling with the idea that anyone would paint an electric heater.

Butchyrestingface · 06/10/2019 12:13

I’m struggling with the idea that anyone would paint an electric heater.

Some people like to give that extra 10%.

ForewarnedisForearmed · 06/10/2019 12:21

Keep the peace and pass it on to your brother. You never know what is around the corner.

Original poster
startube · 06/10/2019 12:27

Sorry for the confusion. I was trying to be vague for obvious reasons, but I will try to be more clear.

The item (given to me by an older relative as they were chucking it out due to small amount of unnoticeable damage) is not a heater. It was just a bog standard piece of furniture. I need to buy a heater for the room. I was planning to sell the piece of furniture to free up both space and funds.

It didn’t cross my mind to offer the item to my brother as he already has several and I didn’t think he had space or need for another. He asked me if it had sold and could he have it. I replied that I have had interest but not sold yet. He took that to mean he was having it, and told me if he changes his mind and doesn’t actually have room for it then I can sell it.

If it’s relevant, brother is in a better financial position as I am still rebuilding my life following some difficult events.

OP posts:
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