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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Aibu to call in sick?

110 replies

Italianmeringuebuttercream · 06/10/2019 08:01

Hi I've applied for special leave to go to a funeral (cousin died suddenly aged 45) and my boss has refused my request. Wibu to call in sick? Does anyone know what would happen if I did? Would they check?
I work in a primary academy if that makes a difference and the day I'm asking for is a sort of inset - no kids at school that day.

OP posts:
PotteringAlong · 06/10/2019 08:02

Well, you’ve asked for it off. It will look very suspicious if you call in sick.

FloatingObject · 06/10/2019 08:03

Just do it. Lifes too short. Literally.

Grannybags · 06/10/2019 08:04

What is the reason for the refusal? I’ve worked in schools for 20+ years and never had a funeral request denied. Can you appeal to the Chair of Governors? You are not going to be believed if you call in sick now.

theretheirtheyrenotno · 06/10/2019 08:09

This is the second post like this recently. If you call in sick now it's going to be obvious, I'd be challenging the decision to say no and very strongly as well.

When has it become normal to be so acceptable to lack compassion at the death of someone? You also shouldn't feel the need to justify your right to go by mentioning the age.

Disgraceful behaviour by your boss, dont back down.

Hahaha88 · 06/10/2019 08:11

I don't think you can phone in sick after asking for it off. But I'd be challenging the decline

Ilikesweetpeas · 06/10/2019 08:19

That’s really tough, Could you offer to take it unpaid? In my school that’s what we would be expected to do for a funeral that didn’t meet our rights under leave of absence policy. Sorry for your loss

Original poster
Italianmeringuebuttercream · 06/10/2019 08:20

Thank you, I have challenged the decision. I've asked to look again on compassionate grounds as our leave policy says "close family, for example fil, mil, bil, sil, stepparent" shes come back saying they have to be fair and transparent. If they grant for me they'd have to for everyone. Whilst I understand that, the previous head never refused my request - I've had 4 funerals in 6 years and only 1 was immediate family.

OP posts:
HermioneWeasley · 06/10/2019 08:20

I don’t know how schools work, but every company I’ve worked in lying about being sick is gross misconduct. Have you tried having a conversation about why it was declined and anything you can do to work around the perceived problems?

HermioneWeasley · 06/10/2019 08:22

4 funerals in 6 years and most aren’t for immediate family?!

Perhaps the new head is concerned about your track record.

Original poster
Italianmeringuebuttercream · 06/10/2019 08:22

@ilikesweetpeas, I have said I dont want paying. The kids wont even be in school, we're at a conference!

OP posts:
purpleme12 · 06/10/2019 08:24

Oh my god that's so bad I can't believe people do this. I'm not sure what the answer is but I'd be so upset if my boss did this and it would taint how I felt about working for them

Original poster
Italianmeringuebuttercream · 06/10/2019 08:26

Hermione, yes it's been shit. I think I've had 1 day off sick in that time and I work way over what I'm contracted to. My point was that in the other funerals I've asked for, my old boss had a chat with me about the circumstances and allowed me to go. Some paid some not. I'm not some serial funeral attendee!

OP posts:
maddening · 06/10/2019 08:27

I would just say that you will not be coming in regardless of their approval of leave and that any disciplinary will be strongly defended as your request is wholly reasonable and their rejection is unreasonable regardles of the reason provided.

I would also contact the union for backup.

Mummybares · 06/10/2019 08:27

My condolences but leave for a cousin is pushing it. Whatever the old head allowed is irrelevant. No special treatment.

relax2 · 06/10/2019 08:27

Just go you're not asking for it paid and if he sacked you he might find himself in a tribunal he sounds a dick btw

Original poster
Italianmeringuebuttercream · 06/10/2019 08:28

Precisely. She has completely shot herself in the foot as now I will be asking for more time off to attend interviews and eventually leaving. Which is shit because I love my job and the people I work with day to day

OP posts:
user1493413286 · 06/10/2019 08:29

I suspect if you called in sick on that day they’d want some proof of you being ill, like a doctors visit and they’d obviously know that you were lying.

Original poster
Italianmeringuebuttercream · 06/10/2019 08:30

@maddening, I have contacted unison. Hopefully they'll have some clear advice.

OP posts:
madcatladyforever · 06/10/2019 08:33

I would say to your boss that you have to go to this funeral, that this was an extremely close family member and you either need annual leave or unpaid leave.
Special leave is very specific.

saraclara · 06/10/2019 08:34

I would just say that you will not be coming in regardless of their approval of leave and that any disciplinary will be strongly defended as your request is wholly reasonable and their rejection is unreasonable regardles of the reason provided.

Except it's made clear in the school policy, that the funeral of a cousin does not meet the criteria for time off. So she'll not stand a chance of winning a disciplinary.

NoraEphronsneck · 06/10/2019 08:37

Hermione Weasley are you suggesting four funerals in six years is excessive?

I'd not been to a funeral in over 10 years, yet in the last two years I've lost one grandparent, two aunties, two uncles and two colleagues.

Almost Everyone from the office went to colleagues' funerals but I would not have missed any of the others.

These were relatives who were extremely close to me growing up.

I don't believe anyone should have to justify why they want to attend a funeral regardless of the perceived closeness of the relationship.

Iwantacookie · 06/10/2019 08:38

I think this is really unfair. Who are they to decide who is close family to you? I would definitely challenge the decision.
Also as a parent I wouldn't mind the teacher having a day off to attend a funeral.

cansu · 06/10/2019 08:39

I would not go to the funeral but I would also stop going over and above. I get very pissed off with this. Teachers in many cases work well beyond their contracted hours at home and this is why she should be granting the request. The fact that you can't even take it unpaid is unbelievable. I would also be thinking about all the times you have gone into work when you are unwell and all the cover you have sent in which you don't legally have to do.

swingofthings · 06/10/2019 08:42

I know someone in the NHS who got sacked for doing similar. She called in sick when she wasn't sick but wanted a day off for something when she wasn't granted the day. It was considered fraud because she in essence got paid for that day when she wasn't entitled to it since she wasn't ill.

I can't remember the details, but they manage to find evidence. I suspect they were happy to see her go, hence prepared to go through the stages to dismiss her. In most circumstances, managers close their eyes to it, but legally, they had a right to dismiss her on the basis of deception.

Hellohah · 06/10/2019 08:44

I think immediate family only policies are unfair. I've never met my father, but I'd be granted compassionate leave for his funeral, no questions asked.
I'm extremely close to my cousin. He lived with us for a few years growing up, we talk at least every other day, see each for a brew and do stuff with the kids all time, he's more like my brother, but I'd be pushing it to go to his funeral.