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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

WIBU or was she a CF?

125 replies

sailorcherries · 04/10/2019 20:51

We live in a new build estate, with no pavements and a road designed to stop cars from speeding (the road is made up of straight lines constantly changing angle, like a zig-zag).
Every house has a minimum space for 2 cars in their drive, some have room for 3, and the flats have 2 spaces for each.

There are other bays dotted along the estate for visitors and so on. They are not residents only. They are not private.

Every household in the street pays a factors fee for the upkeep.

My family member asked me if they could park in one of the spaces as the train station nearby was full. I said yes. Family member returned to their car which had a 'this is private parking' handwritten note attached and the author of the note came out and verbally harassed them. They are over 20 years my family members senior and were incredibly aggressive. My family member explained that I had said okay and drove off.

The same thing happened today but the note had vague threats of 'reporting to the relevant authorities'. There are no authorities. It's not private property or residents only.

I decided to speak to the neighbour and let them know I had said my family member could park there. Neighbour went tits up and claimed that as she pays council tax and factors fees she can decide who parks there. I explained that I pay those things too and as a resident I can say yes to someone parking there, even though I don't have to. She went off on one a out her not inviting all her family to park there and it being ridiculous. I told her that we don't kick up a fuss when her husband's work can is constantly parked there, ruining the space we also pay for, instead of their drive. Or have we complained when her family have parked all over the road and not the bays. Or when their dog kept running in to our house and out on to the road in front of cars because she can't be bothered getting it. This caused her to look a bit ashen.
I also told her that my family member will be contacting the police if this woman continues to verbally abuse her and if her car gets damaged.
Neighbour called me a "boot" and slammed the door.

Now, I don't normally get involved but I'm not having a middle aged woman become verbally abusive and threatening towards my teenage cousin.
We've also had incident's where residents cars have been vandalised by people passing through the estate to the train station and I don't want her notes causing that grief and damage. You have no idea who she might annoy next.

Husband has said I was daft for discussing, or attempting to discuss, it.

This is the same neighbour who put her bins down the middle of our driveways (joined) because sometimes we used to step on her drive to put the baby in his car seat. Even though she would also step on ours. She also didn't believe that if her bins damaged our cars (a particularly windy few weeks) that she would be liable, given her placement.

WIBU in trying to speak to her or was she just a CF who thinks she can get away with this nonsense because no one tells her she's being ridiculous?

OP posts:
purpleboy · 04/10/2019 21:11

How would you feel if commuters all started using your estate to park? So when you wanted friends or family to come round they couldn't park anywhere? I'm pretty sure you would be pissed off. I appreciate this isn't the case at the moment but with more people on the roads every day it prob won't be too long. I expect your neighbour is trying to avoid this happening.

Namechangeforthiscancershit · 04/10/2019 21:12

I would assume a woman in her mid 40s screaming abuse at a 17 year old is relevant

Not to me. If you're old enough to drive, you're old enough to take the consequences but way more importantly no adult of any age should ever scream abuse at another one. The ages involved doesn't make it better or worse.

The work can belongs to a resident so I'm not really following what that issue is.

Anyway presumably it's all a moot point as your cousin can usually get parked but just on this occasion it was mega busy at the station

sailorcherries · 04/10/2019 21:13

Given many cars park on the main road outside our estate and have never ventured in, I'm not worried.

She also complained when a tradesman parked a van there and went across the road as he couldn't safely park anywhere else.

I think writing notes and threatening/verbally abusing people over a legally parked car is a bit batshit but obviously not.

OP posts:
purpleboy · 04/10/2019 21:13

Sorry cross post, with your updates then it does appear she is just being a busy body! I would have it out with her for shouting at a member of my family regardless of age.

MsAdorabelleDearheartVonLipwig · 04/10/2019 21:13

Your neighbour is deeply unpleasant and went about it in completely the wrong manner but yes, she is right, they’re not spaces for any passing commuter, they’re for use in that road. If you don’t mind your cousin parking there then give up your driveway and put your car on the road, it will cause less friction.

Chamomileteaplease · 04/10/2019 21:14

Why did you keep saying "family member"? And then at the very end tell us the secret that it was your teenage cousin? Kept us all on tenterhooks there didn't you? Grin

As others have said, just because it is legal to park there for commuters, doesn't mean it is very fair for the people who live on the estate.

Mumofboth · 04/10/2019 21:15

I disagree with most PPs on this. I live in a flat where we’re allocated two spaces each. If my husband is out and my friend parks there instead it’s irrelevant whether she goes to work or visits me. You’re not taking any more spaces so I think your neighbour is a CF and you’re totally within your rights.

sailorcherries · 04/10/2019 21:17

The point is she wasn't annoyed that my cousin was on the train. She was annoyed she parked there and didn't immediately visit one of the houses.
She waited until my cousin returned to run out the house and verbally abuse her over it, ranting and raving like a loon.

And yet when people have had visitors over and they can't park there because she won't use her drive it's okay.

The age thing is because I still see my cousin as fairly young, not really an adult yet and so quite easily intimidated.

OP posts:
Onceuponacheesecake · 04/10/2019 21:17

Personally I wouldn't want anyone encouraging commuters to park where I live. I wouldn't have brought it up though but I'd be Hmm

WorraLiberty · 04/10/2019 21:20

The age thing is because I still see my cousin as fairly young, not really an adult yet and so quite easily intimidated.

Age has nothing to do with whether someone is easily intimidated or not. You only have to look around Mumsnet to see the amount of people saying "I don't like confrontation", when someone's simply asked why they haven't spoken to a neighbour.

Knickerbockergloryonthebeach · 04/10/2019 21:21

Isn't this just similar to the old argument that people think they have the right to park on the road outside their house and get very cross when others park there, even though they have no entitlement to on road parking?

If there are no yellow lines, no resident or parking permits, and it's not someone's driveway (or otherwise legally designated space), then people are free to park wherever?

It's annoying, and I used to live in a development where commuters parked but as long as they were parked in bays or not on yellow lines they were legally able to be there.

sailorcherries · 04/10/2019 21:24

The additional parking also doesn't bong to anyone. We don't have a designated visitors bay. We don't have anything to do with those spaces.

We were just told, when buying the house, that it was additional parking to help with traffic flow. Most visitors do park there, instead of on the road in front of the housez, but there is nothing that is explicitly for visiting/residents bar the flats parking.
People have parked there and walked their children 5 minutes to the nearest school, people have parked there to visit a housing development near by.

It is additional off-road parking, that we don't pay for and never have done, and have no rights over.

OP posts:
saraclara · 04/10/2019 21:27

Personally I wouldn't want anyone encouraging commuters to park where I live.

Yep.
I'm confused by you saying you "gave her permission". If it's a public space she doesn't have to ask, and you don't have the authority to give it.

misspiggy19 · 04/10/2019 21:28

YANBU- this woman doesn’t own the road. Tell her to get a life

sailorcherries · 04/10/2019 21:29

saraclara maybe not the best choice of words. She phoned and asked me and I said "yes it's fine to park there".

Not really 'giving permission' no but she asked and I clarified that yes, those spaces are free to be parked in.

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 04/10/2019 21:29

I'm confused here Confused

CalmDownJanet wrote... People who park in estates to commute are a pain in the arse. Does your relative check that the station is full first or just park in your estate all the time now?

OP replied... calmdownjet she asked after she had checked.
It was twice in 3 years. She needed to drop stuff off at college and, for the length of time, her driving wouldn't have been more hassle.

Literally a "there are no spaces and the train is coming in a few minutes, is it okay to park here for an hour or two?"

She's 17. How can she have been driving for 3 years?

MuswellHillMummy · 04/10/2019 21:33

I'm with you Sailorcherries. It might be annoying for residents if other people legally park in the spaces but that shouldn't mean they are entitled to abuse anyone. And anyone who has spent the day watching out of the window for someone to return to a random legally parked car is batshit

sailorcherries · 04/10/2019 21:34

worraliberty

She is 17, we have lived her for 3 years.
In the 3 years we have lived here she has parked here twice for a small amount of time.

She wasn't driving then no.

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 04/10/2019 21:35

Ahh gotcha OP

saraclara · 04/10/2019 21:37

Ah. I didn't get that it was a one off from the OP. I thought it was her regular commute.

The neighbour was totally unreasonable them.

jennymanara · 04/10/2019 21:37

Your neighbour is wrong. If they are not resident only, then anyone can park there. None of her business.

tashakg89 · 04/10/2019 21:37

Your neighbour is bu
At the end of the day she can legally park there, there is no signs saying she can't. ignore the neighbour she probably hasn't got anything better to do.

sailorcherries · 04/10/2019 21:38

No sorry my mistake. I'm suffering from a headache (which replaying the conversation is just making worse) and I'm a bit jumbled up.

OP posts:
littlepaddypaws · 04/10/2019 21:40

the expression'boot'has been around for years meaning an 'ugly woman' when did it become to mean 'cunt' ? sorry, derailing the thread, but i'm curious.

Breastfeedingworries · 04/10/2019 21:40

I want to make “boot” happen near me 🤣