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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think work should do something or am I being a brat?

138 replies

LookingForAlaskas · 04/10/2019 17:10

We had a new seating plan and my friend was moved away from me despite reassurances that she wouldn’t be (we work well and do not distract each other).

I’m now sat barely near anyone else in my team and feel very excluded.

I’m going through things outside of work and I have bad depression and anxiety at times. I come into work now and dread it.

I honestly get work is not a social event and I do work hard and hit my expected targets.

I know it sounds pathetic but it’s starting to get to me mentally and my manager couldn’t care less despite there being a big push at work regarding mental health awareness.

OP posts:
RainbowsAndGlitterAndUnicorns · 04/10/2019 20:43

How big is the team?! How many are still sat together? Apart from you is anyone else sat out with the team?

misspiggy19 · 04/10/2019 20:45

We had a new seating plan and my friend was moved away from me despite reassurances that she wouldn’t be (we work well and do not distract each other).

^You think you work together well but it is obvious management do not see that

Original poster
LookingForAlaskas · 04/10/2019 22:16

^You think you work together well but it is obvious management do not see that

Then why would one of them say you work well together if we didn’t?

You’re not my manager so you really can’t state anything as a fact when you don’t know if it’s true.

OP posts:
Shoxfordian · 04/10/2019 22:19

Arrange a regular day to have lunch with your friend
Focus on your work the rest of the time

LemonPrism · 04/10/2019 22:29

God people, she's at work for most of her week she should have a right to not feel isolated and alone.

GettingABitDesperateNow · 04/10/2019 22:39

Hi OP

Not sitting next to your friend is fine.

Sitting away from the team while they all sit together on the same bank of desks that you're not part of, is not fine. Teams sit together for a reason, to share ideas, bond, help each other, training etc. If you're not sitting with anyone you cant be part of this. I'd speak to your manager. I probably would mention your mental health other than to say it feels like you're being excluded but you should definitely mention the pros if all sitting together and can say you're worried about being left out of it all. If it's to do with seating plans and one person has to be left out then suggest you take it in turns

FredaFox · 04/10/2019 22:48

Nothing work than a company where Doris has been there for 15 years, sat on the same chair thinking she knows everything.

^ this, I work with one of these, she’s such a nightmare 🙈
OP how old are you? You seem young for it to bother you not being sat by a friend

FuriousVexation · 04/10/2019 23:17

I have worked in a lot of call centres, both as phone monkey and techie manager type.

Seating plans make a MASSIVE difference not just to the employee satisfaction scores at the end of the year, but also on day to day productivity. Not to mention overall retention rates and their relative cost for recruitment/termination.

AbsinthedelaBonchance · 04/10/2019 23:36

As someone who has an occupational health plan which says its bad for my MH not to have a fixed desk and have the people around me be fairly consistent YANBU. I've also just been through 18 months of a Leadership and Development qualification which was very insistent on emotional intelligence etc. Raise it with HR - its in your employer's interest to keep you happy and productive - not have you go off with stress

Ginger1982 · 05/10/2019 00:06

The fact that you had to have 'reassurances' that you wouldn't be separated from your friend is a bit odd. Was this mooted and you said, 'but I need to sit next to Anna?'

littleorangecat22 · 05/10/2019 01:12

So your team has been moved to one place and you have been left somewhere else? It's not reasonable to expect to be with one person, but it IS reasonable to expect to be with your team.

I would not mention the mental health (from experience, many people just don't care about mental health and that is bad but unfortunately true) and instead say that it is negatively impacting on your work to not be around any of the people you work with, you have to get up and go somewhere else whneever you need to talk with other team members etc.

steff13 · 05/10/2019 01:33

If you've been separated it must have been for a reason. Ask your manager.

managedmis · 05/10/2019 01:37

Sounds like they want you to leave

monkeymonkey2010 · 05/10/2019 01:50

"I want to sit with/next to my friends" is how cliques form in workplaces - and THEY are a bad influence on mental health, morale and productivity.

Just get on with your job - and walk over to others when you need your 5 minute chat.....cos THAT will soon make it obvious just how often some people find excuses for a 'chat' rather than get on with their work.

3luckystars · 05/10/2019 02:31

Could you email and say that you feel very isolated after the move?
See what they say. Good luck.

Sobeyondthehills · 05/10/2019 03:15

TBH OP, I would probably ask MNs to delete this thread and do another one stating the reason why you are unhappy is because you are isolated from your team, rather than they moved your friend, because everyone is going to concentrate on that rather than the fact you are not sitting next to anyone in your team

Satina · 05/10/2019 03:33

I don't get Mumsnet sometimes. When a human being has admitted they're struggling with anxiety and depression and someone responds saying "Honestly you sound ether very immature or a bit of a drip." ShockSad

OP, I'm guessing the hard time you're having at home is making this issue feel alot 'bigger' than it actually is although I'm afraid there's not much to be done about it. I'd focus on being kind to yourself and seeing whether your work friends would like to meet up at lunch or outside of work so you can maintain the friendship. Flowersy

Oliversmumsarmy · 05/10/2019 04:04

Work for some on here seems to be really miserable.

No talking and head down.

If office jobs were like that then really the retention rate would go down.

I have worked in offices and if people weren't allowed to chat and have friends the retention rate would hit the floor

Mummybares · 05/10/2019 09:52

I must be strange then because i dislike sitting next to friendly chatty people at work because it distracts me, makes me very slow as i struggle to reconcentrate and resent them. I feel happy when i have been productive and chattyness is so distracting even if its others doing it. I wish it was a no chat no sitting next to your mates work place at ours.

Minioooons · 05/10/2019 10:12

This is why some people dont take issues such as MH seriously. When people like the op think so ridiculously and use their MH as an excuse. you actually thought of complaining because your friend wasnt seated next to you? And to think you were entitled to want to complain because of your own issues. It is not your friends problem or employer to make you not feel excluded. you are there for a job.

Kaykay06 · 05/10/2019 11:42

I don’t think moving away from your friend is the issue. It’s more that you’re feeling fragile and your mh isn’t great just now so being moved to sit alone and therefore isolated isn’t helping how you are feeling about yourself and your life/work.

It’s unkind to say it’s an excuse to sit with a friend, your mh is important and if sitting near people helps then it’s important to you. It’s just the extreme of moving you to sit alone that’s making you feel worse.
Speak to someone ask to be moved within the team a bit and meet friend at lunch and seek external support for mh.

Enko · 05/10/2019 11:54

I'm always amazed that adults are bothered about petty shit like this.

I'm always amazed that adults in 2019 have so little awareness about mental health issues.

Puzzledandpissedoff · 05/10/2019 13:16

You’re not my manager so you really can’t state anything as a fact

This is perfectly true, but it's also why so many of us have asked why it's been done (especially as "reassurances that she wouldn’t be moved" suggest a conversation took place beforehand)

Unfortunately it's hard to make constructive suggestions when you've not answered ...

Muddledupme · 05/10/2019 13:22

Why do you think that management have done this?

TheCatsACunt · 05/10/2019 13:45

I hear ya, OP. It’s often the small things, isn’t it? I love my job and bound in to work most mornings, and a lot of the things I really like about it are the simple bits that just make being there more pleasant- my desk is by the window, I have plants, I can get up and have a cup of tea etc. whenever I want. I work long hours and having a nice environment makes it easier.

If you’re feeling isolated, have a chat with your manager and see if moving closer to the fold is an option. It may not be, but at least you’ll have asked.

Did you make a complaint about the noisy colleague? If so, could the new arrangement be designed to keep you away from having to listen to her?

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