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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think work should do something or am I being a brat?

138 replies

LookingForAlaskas · 04/10/2019 17:10

We had a new seating plan and my friend was moved away from me despite reassurances that she wouldn’t be (we work well and do not distract each other).

I’m now sat barely near anyone else in my team and feel very excluded.

I’m going through things outside of work and I have bad depression and anxiety at times. I come into work now and dread it.

I honestly get work is not a social event and I do work hard and hit my expected targets.

I know it sounds pathetic but it’s starting to get to me mentally and my manager couldn’t care less despite there being a big push at work regarding mental health awareness.

OP posts:
thecabbageassasin · 04/10/2019 18:32

YOu would need to approach this from the point of view that you feel isolated from your team and it is effecting productivity in some way, ,not that you prefer sitting next to your friend if you want mgt to take action.
But without more info about the seating plan - are you sat 3 foot away from them, or 300 feet away with you desk facing the wall it’s hard to say if you are being unreasonable.
You have also mentioned a colleague that you regard as more disruptive than you ( they have most complaints) being allowed to sit with the team. Have their been complaints, or something else that has precipitated your relocation.

Biancadelrioisback · 04/10/2019 18:32

Hmm it seems like you're deliberately not answering some posters questions Hmm

Woodlandwitch · 04/10/2019 18:33

I sit right next to my friend at work and to be honest get much less done than I could if I was sat elsewhere.
If we had a reshuffle I wouldn’t mind it.
I prefer to see friends outside of work when you can talk about stuff a bit more privately

Wolfff · 04/10/2019 18:34

There are some horrible comments on this thread. We actually had a case in another office at my work where someone was promised support including a friend sitting nearby and when it was withdrawn they left and went for constructive dismissal.

Assuming your friend is agreeable, can't you explain the situation to your manager or HR dept? If you have to take time off due to stress, at my workplace they treat it as a matter of priority.

Original poster
LookingForAlaskas · 04/10/2019 18:34

Yes I do agree I sound like a brat regarding my friend.

I think it just hit me harder because I was suddenly so isolated ... rather just having a different team member sit with me.

Feeling shit and then feeling just as shit in work does mentally get to you.

Also sorry I put mouse, must have been auto correct. But I meant NOISE. There is a member on our team that has had noise complaints made against him and yet he’s been sat centre of our team. I suppose I just don’t understand and it’s made me feel a very irrelevant member of my team.

OP posts:
BillywilliamV · 04/10/2019 18:35

Ask to move again

Original poster
LookingForAlaskas · 04/10/2019 18:35

.Hmm it seems like you're deliberately not answering some posters questions

Confused such as what exactly?

OP posts:
MyShinyWhiteTeeth · 04/10/2019 18:35

I was moved away from my team as I worked well independently and had more individual work to get on with. The person who took my desk was new to the job and needed much more support.

It was a bit isolating sometimes but I had a warmer position and more leg room and drawer space. I also preferred less distractions and covering other peoples phones.

I think you should try to focus on anything positive about the change.

Straycatstrut · 04/10/2019 18:36

It's interesting how in a workplace, a manager/boss does something that affects a persons mental health, and the general consensus is "OMG suck it up you're at work, work isn't supposed to be easy".... so then, what if this person was affected so much that they left work, depression got worse, ended up on benefits, consensus: scum, milking the system.... that's all their own fault is it? When all it might take is they are seated next to someone familiar.

In a different scenario if it was someone physically disabled that was having work made more difficult for them, more painful for them and they were forced to leave because they couldn't deal with it, everyone would be up in arms.

MyShinyWhiteTeeth · 04/10/2019 18:38

not having to cover other peoples phones!

MoonlightBonnet · 04/10/2019 18:40

It’s totally normal for people to be concerned about where they sit at work. I was taught about this when I had training when I first became a manager! Don’t listen to a load of people pretending otherwise. I have spent loads of time dealing with this specific issue and always tried to make sure people were sitting with people they got on with and worked well with. If your manager is any good they will listen to your concerns.

user1493494961 · 04/10/2019 18:41

Perhaps it will only be temporary, hopefully you will be able to meet up with the rest of the team at lunch.

Goldenbear · 04/10/2019 18:42

I don't understand people suggesting team dynamics are not relevant to productivity and motivation. I was moved from an office I shared with a couple of people to one on my own, away from most of the other office rooms and it has no windows. I had to leave the first office for confidentiality reasons as I work in a different profession to the other two I shared the office with. I am somebody that is happy with my own company but I do feel a bit lonely sometimes and as I don't arrive via the main door, I can sometimes go 4 days without seeing anyone who works in my building. I have to say, it has made my look for other jobs as I feel so isolated. So I agree Op it is important!

ImOffTheRadar · 04/10/2019 18:49

OP can you think of any positives of your new seating arrangement and concentrate on those, e.g sat near another team that you could interact with? Can sympathise as it most definitely does affect the whole team dynamic.

Goldenbear · 04/10/2019 18:51

The good points are that I don't have to answer the phone for others, I get lots done and I need to concentrate on reading up on various bits of legislation.

Butterymuffin · 04/10/2019 18:51

What reason has been given for the move? Is there not enough room for the whole team to sit together? As pp have said you need a work-related reason to challenge it. What you've said here won't help.

FranklySonImTheGaffer · 04/10/2019 18:53

I've had to arrange a seating plan in a previous job and had 3 desks which were the other side of the office to the rest of the team who were sat together. No idea why this was, it was a bloody stupid arrangement.
Anyway, the people I put on the 3 desks were people I trusted to do their jobs without any pushing from me, people I trusted not to take the mick and who were competent enough not to need me right beside them.
And the person who talked and messed about so much the team didn't like her I had sat next to me right in the centre. This was so I could keep an eye on her awful timekeeping, keep track of her skiving work and could nip any nonsense in the bud straight away.
I did explain this to each person on my team so it didn't cause any issues but overall, I agree where you sit, the reasons behind it and your general level of support can have a huge effect on your work and MH.

The only suggestion I can make is to approach your manager and explain being isolated is effecting you and provide an alternative solution (do you all need permanent desks? Could the isolated desks be used on a rolling rota type thing?). Don't complain and provide no alternative and don't mention wanting to sit next to your friend. Your isolation is the issue, not being unable to chat.

Goldenbear · 04/10/2019 18:53

I go out of the office to get a coffee for social interaction and because the lack of windows gets a bit dull.

BigChocFrenzy · 04/10/2019 18:54

YANBU to ask

In all my jobs, I've never heard of team seating being split up unless there is a serious problem

Colleagues have always been able to express preferences about who they want to seat by,
which are allowed so long as there are sufficient places in the desired areas, e.g. by the nicest windows / views

FlyingNorth · 04/10/2019 19:03

OP, totally agree that isolation can be horrible and can escalate if you feel you have no support. As a pp said, make the most of your lunch breaks to catch up with your friend. Hopefully you are sitting with new people and I would make a big effort to be sociable with them, although I know it's easier said than done. None of this has to affect your productivity.

KittyMcTitty · 04/10/2019 19:04

It’s ok to enjoy work and be near the people you like. As long as you get your work done. I think posters here either don’t have friends at work or just want to not enjoy work!

AllFourOfThem · 04/10/2019 19:23

Can you ask to see Occ Health and chat to them about your MH? One of the potential reasonable adjustments they can suggest would be to move to so you feel included with the rest of your team. They might not, but feeling excluded in the workplace is not conducive to having a happy employee.

ReanimatedSGB · 04/10/2019 19:56

It's worth having a think about the business aspects of you being isolated - does it mean you have to spend unnecessary time walking over to your team to check stuff/pass them things/fetch things?
Could you give some idea of the nature of your job (eg are you assembling items, or talking to clients on the phone, or doing data entry?)

Howdidido · 04/10/2019 20:14

I don't think you are being unreasonable. Your team is sat together. For the sake of team working you should all be sat together. Is anyone else sat apart?

Witchinaditch · 04/10/2019 20:28

It does sound a bit like a 14 year old complaint “oh I can’t sit next to Sarah in french” I think you need to get a grip and just accept it. I know you say you have anxiety but if a small matter like this is causing you problems you must seek professional help. Good luck.