WIBU to live in a caravan?

[PickledLilly]

I need to get out of my relationship but live in an area where rents/house prices are high and wages are low and Housing Association houses are impossible to get.

I hate the idea of being at the mercy of a landlord and want the security of something of my own but could never get a mortgage on just my wage. WIBU to buy a nice static caravan on a holiday park for me and my two children and cat to live in?

I know it would be a lot smaller than our current home (but so would anything I could afford to rent) but there are other year round residents, lovely grounds, playground and a swimming pool that’s all free for residents to use.

I just get this sense that some people would be aghast at me moving my children into a caravan but it honestly feels like my only way out. WIBU?

I haven’t ruled out renting, I stated that was one of my concerns with it. I’m exploring all of my different options which include renting a flat or buying a caravan so that I can find the best solution.

It’s also based on the fact that he paid very little maintenance for his other child from a previous relationship who is now an adult but I remember being very surprised how little child maintenance he had to pay when they were still school aged.

And you still want with him and had two more? I always wondered who even gives the time of day to twats like him. Wow.

There's a vast range of difference between a B&B full of junkies and sinking every penny you own plus borrowing more on top for what is a quite risky living option but that's up to you.

His payments were through the CMS. He paid what they told him to but it was a tiny amount. He reckoned it was because his ex was on so many benefits. I’ve no idea if this is true.

Very short term to escape an abusive relationship then yes.

I wouldn’t move children to a caravan purely because I wanted out of a relationship with no abuse etc. I’d be using the time to up my earnings and find a long term rental.

Most caravans have limited space, tiny beds and kitchen area, no bath, get very cold and almost no storage. At least with a flat you get a bathroom, kitchen and space for wardrobes, toys etc.

Teasing may be an issue as well as other parents not wanting to do play dates on a site with a pool etc.

Oh god of leave the thread now Op if I were you - the justifying you're reasons to a bunch of judgemental people is not worth the hassle!!

If you feel you moving to a caravan is for you and Would work go for it!!

People saying to stay in a bad relationship just because he's not abusive - terrible advice!!

You know what's best for you and your kids.

Getout, be totally honest here, if your DH said he was unhappy and he wanted to leave and take the children to live in a caravan, would you be OK with that?

Because I wouldn’t be. I’m really sorry. I want to support the OP here and I do really, really feel for her. But the fact is, living in a caravan isn’t a good idea.

It is doable, I’m not saying it isn’t. In an emergency situation such as a house flooding, to escape abuse, even as a stop gap between houses, it’s fine. But this isn’t one such situation.

I think OP is doing what is extremely understandable - she wants this to work, so she’s convincing herself it’s fine, that the kids will thrive and be happy and that things will right themselves given time. The truth is, I think it is misguided and wrong. Sometimes, you DO have to grit your teeth and get through a situation you’re unhappy with for your children. Sometimes, that is just life.

Op does not have to stay, but I don’t think she should leave her partner and go to live in a caravan with her children as an alternative. That’s all, really. As I said before, ultimately it’s her life, but I think break ups are hard enough on kids without taking away the stability of their home, too.

Thank you! I suppose it’s best to know in advance what the gossip in the school playground would be ‘do you know, she left him and he DIDN’T EVEN HIT HER!’

Did anybody say that here, pickled?

Clearly, you think anyone advising caution with this is massively unreasonable, and I think that in itself is telling.

I just hope your children will understand when you explain this to them one day.

I’m fine with advising caution, but if I’m not allowed to take away the ‘stability of their home’ presumably this also applies to renting a flat also? In which case, what do you actually advise other than staying in an unhappy relationship indefinitely so my children don’t have to move house?

pickled I have a static caravan and could happily live in it, and have also left an abusive relationship. My caravan is a 2006 model but has efficient heating and I adore it (it was my refuge from exh, and I used to hate it when he would stay). The kitchen isn’t a bad size and has a full sized cooker and fridge/freezer.

Yes it gets cold eventually when the heating isn’t on; the timer on my heating isn’t working, so I switch it off at night, and when frosty it is cold by 5 am, but it literally takes minutes to warm up again. The floor does tend to be cold, but this is rectified by wearing slippers.

I have a shed at the back with a washer/drier in it and store other bits and bobs in there.

Honestly I’d go for it and I reckon it would be much better than a flat with no outdoor space. Those being negative probably have no actual experience of modern caravans, or life in a shit relationship.

No one has said you are “not allowed”, in fact, the opposite. I have said it is your life and you will do as you will.

As I’ve said previously, I think that you are convincing yourself that because you would be happier away from your partner, so would your children, and also that it is not (IMO) right to remove children from a stable home to a caravan.

Personally I wouldn’t be taking them from their home to a flat but this is obviously preferable to a caravan.

@PickledLilly please shop around for a static a lot
Get ripped off. I had mine off a place that You design to build. Mine was 16 grand. Brand new. It’s 5 years old.
It’s a carabuild.

There are a lot of selling pages on Facebook of you are on social media.
One is - chalets for sale- it’s a group page for selling statics.
Anyway good luck op hope
You sort it! X

So am I not entitled to any happiness at all? I’m supposed to completely martyr myself and let my children grow up thinking this is how relationships should be because they will grow up happy as long as we never move house.

Pickled, I am not in your relationship, and I think it’s pretty obvious there’s a difference between ‘not moving house’ and ‘moving from a house with both parents to a caravan with one parent.’

I think your children need to come first. That may mean staying put for now. Saying ‘I’m not entitled to any happiness at all’ is a bit misleading, isn’t it? I mean, if something he is doing is making you that unhappy then possibly there is some abuse. If not, maybe that’s something that can be worked on. I really don’t know. I do know that IMO it is wrong to make a huge decision like moving to a caravan and force your children to go along with it.

But to be honest OP, I began with a lot of sympathy for you, however if you seriously think a stable home for your young children is being a martyr I would suggest move out but leave the children there. Awful comment.

It doesn't make sense... you say you get 10-15 years on the caravan before it needs replacing but that's from the year it's made and Iv just purchased a 2019 model and it realllyyyyy wasn't cheap then the site fees an then the month you need to stay at your mums is she going to make you pay or ??? Our first van cost 24,000 and that was for a small basic new model "starter caravan" and the site fees for a year but didn't include electric, gas or water rates. The cheaper options was really not nice to be in as the owners were clearly selling as the due date for a new one on the site was nearing and wasn't much cheaper and was like going to my nans !
Really think your jumping the gun. If you go the housing an explain your situation they will put you on a waiting list and it won't happen over night but atLeast you'll have a stable home all year around, not having to worry about the winter nights because they do get ice cold and pipes can feeeze over, when your going to have to buy a new van, and atLeast with a council house you have the option to buy when you become In a position to. I'd go with the social housing and wait your turn ! Caravans have a lot more then just buying an paying the ground fees, theirs the water charges. If your on gas bottles or not, their expensive in winter as you go through them like no tomorrow an then having pack up for a month. That isn't really ideal every year x

Listen to sweet peach. She bought and bought recently so very relevant

My friend rented a static for a year. She had her second baby the day before she moved in!! It had full central heating and hit water and was a fab little starter home. Also they allowed pets (which she was struggling with) and she had a great sized garden!

It was tricky but it wasn't as cramped as you'd think. She has 2 beds, bathroom with proper bath and a kitchen and lounge. There were some great storage solutions that owners had put in too.

Some very outdated advice about social housing. It's not a matter of a list or waiting your turn in many councils - there is no stock, ever and people are put in B&Bs and hostels hundreds of miles away, take it or leave it, for months or even years and then you get another private let from LLs who agree to take on the homeless as tenants. You have not had the right to buy a council house as a new tenant for years. Social housing is simply not an option at all in many areas.

That said, the OP has a real bee in her bonnet about renting and is considering making a really seriously unwise financial move and taking on debt for this idea that living in a caravan is the answer, not even considering trying to find a rental for when she first leaves.

@PickledLilly you cant please strangers so dont bother defending your decisions if they are working for you. There was no magic wand to resolve your problems but you are pro-active and can think out of the box. Just dont put yourself up in the dock here on mumsnet!

I hated renting too. Depleting my savings with nothing to show for it. You will have security and an asset. That is not how everybody sees it but it is how you see it. That is what matters.

I think firstly it should be assumed that the static is on a decent site, has heating etc and is quite liveable in.

Then the OP needs to do the maths. Rent + bills for a flat/small house vs cost of loan, site fees, gas etc for the caravan + the extra she pays her mother for additional expense of being registered at her address.

Once that is done she can make an informed decision.

My neighbours at my caravan stay most of the year, despite having a decent house and being well off. They are elderly and manage very well throughout the year, even in the winter and the husband has many health issues.

I stayed for many years in my awful marriage for the sake of the children. The worst thing I’ve ever done.

@Lovemenorca exactly. I have 2 young children and I stayed their all summer I didn't come home but now it's winter i rarely go... costs me and arm and a leg in gas and electric and it's freezing of a morning when you wake up even with the heating on timers. Also it's very unlikely you'll get a bath in a caravan. They are so expensive and only tend to be in the bigger models. Iv just doubled the price of my second from my first and it is still cold, I don't have a bath still and the rooms aren't big. Considering it's brand new I have lots of problems ongoing with it and the pipes froze on my in jan in my old van as I hadn't been their all day and it was cold, they froze ! Was sooooo annoying then when you have to drain down for the closed month. Your not guaranteed to be back when it opens. It all depends on when the water pipes are unfroze under ground as non have been used for 4weeks- our site took 3 weeks to get all the vans back hooked to water this year so was 3 weeks late returning then told. Isnt always plain sailing

@timshelthechoice the social housing isn't outdated. You do have the right to buy after you've lived in the property for so many years depending on area of corse -it's a year in my town - and again the b and bs etc all depends on area and need but the social housing would be the best option. Specially with children- Everyone is entitled to it and you get their eventually just the fact it's a waiting game and doesn't happen over night. Private renting would be good also just the fact of having the right landlord and getting a contract drawn up your comfortable with- ie length of stay and they won't turf you out in 5 years to come if you've been a great tenant

An asset? No, she'll have nothing to show for it and debt as well. Nothing to show for it is ridiculous, it's a roof over your head! Running a van costs a lot you usually have to sell it back to the park owner for a pittance and yet you're still due the balance on a loan if you take one out to buy it.

They're a fun thing to have, but not an investment vehicle at all and anyone who has one on a site can tell you that.