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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DP friend saying I should be waiting on him hand and foot, AIBU?

90 replies

Tyarami · 04/10/2019 10:28

DP recently lost his job and is looking for a new one, he has a friend locally who pops in for a cuppa once or twice a week.

Every time he's here since he's saying to me "I hope you're looking after him now he's at home, making him breakfast in bed every day and running his baths" amongst other things implying I should be waiting on him hand and foot. I have two kids to wait on, thank you very much.

He'll repeat more of the same at least another two times per visit.

Obviously it is said in jest but I'm getting annoyed about it. It's every single time.

I laughed it off the first two times but it's getting bloody annoying. He was here last night, yet again saying the same, I just looked at him with a poker face and sighed. I'm starting to dread him coming round.

Am I being an unreasonable grumpy cow or would you get annoyed by this?

OP posts:
Teddybear45 · 04/10/2019 10:29

It’s just a really bad joke. If he’s as good of a friend to your DP I’d retaliate with a joke at his expense.

WispyTurnip · 04/10/2019 10:30

Well, challenge him on it. 'What do you mean? Why would I need to wait on an able-bodied adult hand and foot because he's jobhunting? Do you think jobseeker's allowance comes with a butler service or something?'

PlasticPatty · 04/10/2019 10:31

Tell him he's welcome to run a bath for your dh, if he wants to.

Original poster
Tyarami · 04/10/2019 10:31

They haven't known each other that long, about a year.

I retorted with "no, I'm not but you're welcome to come and do it for him if you like"

He's never deterred

OP posts:
Chickychoccyegg · 04/10/2019 10:34

just laugh and say yeah right, now dp is home he can help with all the millions of jobs i do

NotANeuroticApple · 04/10/2019 10:37

I think I'd have to get really OTT and make a bug show of being super subservient and call DH master, curtseys, offering him tea etc but then completely blank the guy and only bring DH the tea or whatever. Presumably that guys maid wife is responsible for looking after him 24/7 like a fucking nanny right?

Hoppinggreen · 04/10/2019 10:38

I was watching RuPaul on Graham Norton and he came up with 3 really good lines. One is very appropriate for your circumstances
“I don’t see how that’s any concern of yours”

Chloemol · 04/10/2019 10:40

I am afraid I just would not put up with it after about the second time. Everytime he says it from then on it would be

You do realise you sound a sexist old twat don’t you. And walk away

Simkin · 04/10/2019 10:40

I'd be saying 'OMG shut UP' in a comedy teasing/laughing voice but with gimlet deadly serious eyes. And then ask him how his football team /favourite strictly dancer is doing.

I suspect he is just making (lame, pathetic, offensive) conversation tbh.

FizzyGreenWater · 04/10/2019 10:43

'What? Oh sorry I'm done with that joke thanks. Do you have a different one? Maybe something... oh I don't know... funny?'

Lifeisabeach09 · 04/10/2019 10:43

I'd tell him to "mind his own business" or "go fuck yourself" depending on my mood.

joystir59 · 04/10/2019 10:44

Just tell him to fuck off and do it himself, the joke is old. Why do women pussy foot around men so much?

WorraLiberty · 04/10/2019 10:46

Obviously it is said in jest but I'm getting annoyed about it. It's every single time.

Tell him to stop it then Confused

No need for sighs, no need for 'hilarious comebacks'. Just tell him he's getting on your nerves and he needs to stop.

ReanimatedSGB · 04/10/2019 10:47

How about 'Actually, now that I'm the breadwinner, I've got him waiting on me'? (Though if this will upset your DP and he is otherwise a nice man, perhaps not: it's not his fault he was made redundant.)

Mind you, suggesting the friend come round and do it was a pretty good comeback, too.

Brefugee · 04/10/2019 10:51

Punch him in the throat.
If anything your DP should be waiting on you hand and foot now he has all this extra time.

BigChocFrenzy · 04/10/2019 10:56

Why isn't he saying that your DP should be waiting on you, hand & foot Hmm

If he is neither working nor looking after the DC, that would be more logical

Especially if "looking for work" takes less time than his previous actual job & commute

mumwon · 04/10/2019 11:28

look him in the eye & say "that joke is a bit stale"

Whattodoabout · 04/10/2019 11:30

Terrible joke and he’s gone too far with it. Saying it once, eye roll but fine. Saying it every time he sees you, boring and irritating.

Be straight with him and tell him how boring he actually is.

Kyvia · 04/10/2019 11:32

Yes surely the joke* should be that as DP is not working he should be waiting on you, doing the bulk of the housework/grunt work etc

*not really a joke, because he should be really, IMO. Well not waiting on you but taking on lions share of life admin & household chores.

footballmum · 04/10/2019 11:33

I think “Don’t be such a fucking twat” should cover it!

Coffeeandchocolate9 · 04/10/2019 11:33

tinkly laugh

No, because I have two children and he's not a misogynistic dick

RhinoskinhaveI · 04/10/2019 11:42

Save your breath and just punch him in the throat 😊

AngelsSins · 04/10/2019 11:49

Honestly I’d lose my shit with him, how dare he come into your house and disrespect you like that?

I’d look him dead in the eye and say “you tell that mysoginistic, repetitive, disrespectful “joke” one more time and you can’t get the fuck out of my house and never come back”.

Why isn’t your partner telling him to shut his mouth though? Doesn’t he care that his mate is a prick to you?

DarlingNikita · 04/10/2019 11:50

I know this isn't the point, but I don't even really get it as a joke.

Anyway, tell him 'God, this old joke still? Change the record.'

DarlingNikita · 04/10/2019 11:51

Why isn’t your partner telling him to shut his mouth though? Doesn’t he care that his mate is a prick to you?

Yes, I wonder this too.