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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DP friend saying I should be waiting on him hand and foot, AIBU?

90 replies

Tyarami · 04/10/2019 10:28

DP recently lost his job and is looking for a new one, he has a friend locally who pops in for a cuppa once or twice a week.

Every time he's here since he's saying to me "I hope you're looking after him now he's at home, making him breakfast in bed every day and running his baths" amongst other things implying I should be waiting on him hand and foot. I have two kids to wait on, thank you very much.

He'll repeat more of the same at least another two times per visit.

Obviously it is said in jest but I'm getting annoyed about it. It's every single time.

I laughed it off the first two times but it's getting bloody annoying. He was here last night, yet again saying the same, I just looked at him with a poker face and sighed. I'm starting to dread him coming round.

Am I being an unreasonable grumpy cow or would you get annoyed by this?

OP posts:
Helmetbymidnight · 04/10/2019 12:36

challenge him.

why do you think that? why do you repeatedly say that?

he sounds like an ass and it doesnt reflect well on your dp that hes hos great friend.

Fweakout · 04/10/2019 12:39

You could go "What? Is that a joke? What do you mean I should...what? Uhh?" Then he will likely say "haha you need to make his breakfast, y'know, cos he is at home". Just persist in asking for clarification in an upbeat, interested way. "But why? I have more to do than him now don't I? Why do you think I'd be doing even more? What's the funny bit? I love a joke but I don't get it".

If he has to spell out the sexist opinion you can then call him on it. But keep mild, polite, interested, curious.

it works really well with racist or sexist jokes.

Rachelover60 · 04/10/2019 12:39

I would tell him that it might (debatable) have been funny the first time but is extremely boring now and doesn't he have anything else to think or talk about. Your husband should say something too.

ShadowSardines · 04/10/2019 12:39

It's the mumsnet law that at least one piece of advice on any thread on mumsnet should contain the advice to do a tinkly laugh

Yes, and every time, I imagine it sounding like passive-agressive doorbell chimes.

I don't get the liking for tinkly laughs -- presumably it's supposed to give the impression you are not perturbed, and are airily amused by the other person's behaviour, but fuck it, if I'm insulting someone, I'd far rather they knew it was definitely me thinking they were a wanker.

Original poster
Tyarami · 04/10/2019 12:41

DP tries to steer the conversation away whilst looking awkward, because he knows I won't appreciate the comments, but doesn't actively say anything in the moment.

He's one of the types who thinks he's hilarious, strangely enough his ex wife didn't agree and divorced him and I can see why if that's his attitude toward women.

OP posts:
fedup21 · 04/10/2019 12:42

Are you single handedly paying the bills now he’s not working, or are neither of you working? Is the friend not working either?

I would have got pissed off before now and told DH his friend is a nob and he could go round to his house instead.

Loopytiles · 04/10/2019 12:42

Why is your H hanging out with this loser?

FizzyGreenWater · 04/10/2019 12:44

'I'm beginning to understand why you're divorced. Hahahaha'

  • if you really want to see the back of him.
DarlingNikita · 04/10/2019 12:45

DP tries to steer the conversation away whilst looking awkward, because he knows I won't appreciate the comments, but doesn't actively say anything in the moment.

Well tell him to 'actively' step the fuck up, or you'll be very rude indeed to his loser friend.

Aprillygirl · 04/10/2019 12:45

He's joking. Fine. But it would still piss me off that he thinks it's so funny that he has to keep repeating it. Is he senile? If not, just say 'Look that wasn't funny the first time you said it so it definitely aint funny now you fucking boring fart'.
And I hope it's not you who makes it tea.

Tensixtysix · 04/10/2019 12:49

Drop a tea in his lap...

MarianaMoatedGrange · 04/10/2019 12:53

"You seem to be thinking a lot about my DH having a bath?"

Foslady · 04/10/2019 12:53

Hahahaha - I can see exactly why your single.
You really are a misogynistic teat aren’t you
Or just ‘Fuck off out of our home and don’t come back’ and mean it

Foslady · 04/10/2019 12:54

Bloody autocorrect - mysogenistic twat!

DoctorTwo · 04/10/2019 12:56

Tell him to get a big dog up him.

MinnieMountain · 04/10/2019 12:59

"DP unless you can guarantee your wankstain of a friend doesn't make that "joke" again, please only have him round when I'm out. Can't you see how much it upsets me?"

flouncyfanny · 04/10/2019 13:00

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

HeckyPeck · 04/10/2019 13:10

If he’s otherwise a nice guy and is (badly) joking and doesn’t actually think you should be doing anything then I’d just say haha it should be the other way round of course, then change the subject.

My DH has friends that aren’t funny, but I still laugh/make a suitable light hearted comeback at their unfunny jokes because I know there’s not I’ll intent behind them.

1forAll74 · 04/10/2019 13:13

This would not bother me at all, it's just banter and silliness, but it's probably an old fashioned thing to say to the women of today,but it's just not anything to get riled about.

DarlingNikita · 04/10/2019 13:17

Tell him to get a big dog up him.
Grin Have never heard this before. Love it.

LizzieMacQueen · 04/10/2019 13:21

Of course YANBU but I clicked this thread thinking you were going to say your DH was in a neck to foot plaster cast. Next time he's over ask him if there's any jobs going where he works.... seeing as they enjoy each other's company so much.

ValerianV · 04/10/2019 13:31

"haha you're funny"
"haha you're funny"
"haha you're funny"
"haha you're funny"

Said in the exact same bored tone every single time

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 04/10/2019 13:43

"it wasn't funny the first time and it's not getting any better on the 50th repetition - get some new material for gods' sake!"

Vulpine · 04/10/2019 13:54

Passive aggresive.jokes are tiresome

breakfastpizza · 04/10/2019 14:30

"You need knew material. You've said that one XX times already."

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