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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Do I deserve this ??

104 replies

JorisBohnson · 03/10/2019 21:07

New ish boyfriend.

Last week we had an argument in which he admitted he overreacted to me complaining about something (being tired not directly related to him if that makes sense). He ignored me for 4 days after this and then admitted he was in the wrong.

I've had a SHIT day today. Been made redundant, anxiety awful. Boyfriend hasn't been too attentive last few days because he was busy in work (which is fine)

Saw on insta that he had liked a girls very revealing picture (boobs on show). I called him quite annoyed asking why he liked it. He said he didn't know and he'd unfollow her.

I text saying I had a bad day and I overreacted and shouldn't have said it over a phone call.

He blanked me.

This was four hours ago. I've since rang and he didn't answer. Sent a message if he intends to talk to me tonight as I feel bad for what happened and also I had a shit day. No reply. He's active on social media tho.

Does my behaviour justify the silent treatment ?

I feel like eceey time I show im not happy about something I get the silent treatment. How do I stop this?

Is he being unreasonable or me?

I just wanted some support but seems I won't now

OP posts:
TheTrollFairy · 03/10/2019 21:09

Of course it doesn’t justify silent treatment. Are you dating a teenager?

In all honesty I would dump his ass and move on.

Aquamarine1029 · 03/10/2019 21:10

All this bullshit drama in a "new-ish" relationship? You both sound very immature, quite frankly, and definitely not suited for each other. Stop wasting your time and move on.

ISmellBabies · 03/10/2019 21:10

Just dump him. He's a bit of a turd if he can't support you through redundancy, and you say he's new-ish, so this should be the easy honeymoon bit. Get rid.

AnneLovesGilbert · 03/10/2019 21:11

Sorry you got made redundant Flowers

I don’t this relationship is going to give you what you want so I’d call it a day. He shouldn’t be ignoring you. You shouldn’t be calling him up to have a go at him about what he does on his social media. Too much drama.

QualCheckBot · 03/10/2019 21:12

You've been made redundant. Do yourself a favour and get rid of the nasty boyfriend in the same day, then move on. Onwards and upwards!

Original poster
JorisBohnson · 03/10/2019 21:20

Was I wrong to say anything ? I don't like it. And hes said in the past that he understands why girls don't like their boyfriends liking other girls pictures and he wouldn't do that.

OP posts:
littleduckeggblue · 03/10/2019 21:23

Liking a girls picture on social media wouldn't particularly bother me. I probably wouldn't have mentioned it

DianaT1969 · 03/10/2019 21:24

We all have to be careful about dumping our own issues on a new boyfriend/girlfriend.
It isn't a good thing that you are policing his social media usage either.
You are going to say that you're having a bad time and expect support. You had a bad day and want him to show he cares and sympathises. You need attention and he isn't giving you it. But that isn't really his role and he is telling you that he hasn't signed up for it.
Sorry that you are having a rough time. I know there are so many people from Thomas Cook going through this right now and I really feel for them. I hope that you manage to turn things around and get a brilliant job really soon!
But if I were you, I wouldn't text or contact this guy again. Just work on your own needs. Don't give this head space or energy. See friends, apply for jobs, get to the gym or whatever else helps your anxiety.

DianaT1969 · 03/10/2019 21:26

How old are you both OP? How new is new?

pinkyredrose · 03/10/2019 21:28

You can do better.

QualCheckBot · 03/10/2019 21:30

DianaT You had a bad day and want him to show he cares and sympathises. You need attention and he isn't giving you it. But that isn't really his role and he is telling you that he hasn't signed up for it.

Wow, you're easily satisfied, aren't you!

She was made redundant. What does a short message of sympathy cost? Its just basic manners.

EmmiJay · 03/10/2019 21:31

Ugh. Social media is a thorn in the backside of relationships these days. Ignore him as well. You've got bigger things to care about. Sorry to hear about your redundancy that can't be easy..

LordNibbler · 03/10/2019 21:32

This seems very familiar, have you posted this before Op?

littleduckeggblue · 03/10/2019 21:32

How long have you been together?

RolyWatts · 03/10/2019 21:38

You should always know your own boundaries in relationships. If you know you aren't comfortable with a partner who likes pictures of randomers on social media then don't be with someone who does that.

Silent treatment is a really destructive way to resolve conflict. He knows you need and are seeking comfort and attention at a difficult time and he is punishing you by withdrawing it. It is all about control.

Do you really want to be in this relationship so much so that you'll allow yourself to be treated like that?

RolyWatts · 03/10/2019 21:39

@DianaT1969

It is certainly the role of a boyfriend/girlfriend/partner etc to provide comfort and support at a time of crisis. Why wouldn't it be?

Alisonm23 · 03/10/2019 21:41

Sorry you had a bad day! I think this relationship isn't worth it. It's new-ish and ye are arguing and he is ignoring you etc...
Move on and save yourself from heartache later down the line

Original poster
JorisBohnson · 03/10/2019 21:45

When he apologized for his behaviour last time I told him I can't stand the silent treatment and it makes me anxious.

Still no word from him. I just want some support. I feel like im being punished rather that him having head space.

OP posts:
Vulpine · 03/10/2019 21:48

He sounds like a keeper Hmm maybe you'd get his attention with a boob shot on Instagram

NearlyGranny · 03/10/2019 21:50

You are being punished. This is how he controls/manages relationships, clearly. This relationship is never going to work for you. It will drive you crazy.

Start over again and look for someone who comunicates more openly or at least in a way you can feel comfortable with. If he desn't go liking random boob pictures too, so much the better.

You haven't invested much in him yet as it's quite a new relationship. Cut your losses. He won't change and he's never going to be the person you want.

Unknownanon · 03/10/2019 21:57

Dump him. Sulkers and silent treatment users are out of order and manipulative. No one needs that hassle.

penisbeakers · 03/10/2019 22:00

You are dating a manchild. Get rid of it.

Pinkflipflop85 · 03/10/2019 22:01

He doesn't sound particularly invested in this relationship.

INeedAFlerken · 03/10/2019 22:03

He's showing you he's happy to emotionally abuse you. Silent treatment is emotional abuse. Do you want to be with someone who thinks this is a acceptable way to treat someone?

Cut your losses and dump him.

Span1elsRock · 03/10/2019 22:05

You both sound very immature.

Move on for both your sakes. It will never work.