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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Do I deserve this ??

104 replies

JorisBohnson · 03/10/2019 21:07

New ish boyfriend.

Last week we had an argument in which he admitted he overreacted to me complaining about something (being tired not directly related to him if that makes sense). He ignored me for 4 days after this and then admitted he was in the wrong.

I've had a SHIT day today. Been made redundant, anxiety awful. Boyfriend hasn't been too attentive last few days because he was busy in work (which is fine)

Saw on insta that he had liked a girls very revealing picture (boobs on show). I called him quite annoyed asking why he liked it. He said he didn't know and he'd unfollow her.

I text saying I had a bad day and I overreacted and shouldn't have said it over a phone call.

He blanked me.

This was four hours ago. I've since rang and he didn't answer. Sent a message if he intends to talk to me tonight as I feel bad for what happened and also I had a shit day. No reply. He's active on social media tho.

Does my behaviour justify the silent treatment ?

I feel like eceey time I show im not happy about something I get the silent treatment. How do I stop this?

Is he being unreasonable or me?

I just wanted some support but seems I won't now

OP posts:
saraclara · 03/10/2019 22:38

Seems like he's sulking because you caught him being a creep. (Yes, I think publicly "liking" a booby photo of another woman when you're dating is creepy.)

To be fair, we don't know the circumstances of the photo. If it's one of his friends who's posted a photo from her beach holiday and she just happens to be booby, him 'liking' the photo is perfectly okay and normal.
If it's a random doing a page 3 pose, then it's not.

Original poster
JorisBohnson · 03/10/2019 22:42

The picture was of some random girl from america. Not famous. Not friends.

OP posts:
zxcvhjkl · 03/10/2019 22:42

He's not worth your time or energy. That's way too much hassle for a new-ish relationship and there are red flags galore.

Dump him and move on.

Howlovely · 03/10/2019 22:42

He knows exactly what he is doing and the results he's expecting from it, I imagine it will be along the lines of you apologising to him. He is manipulative and I fear this is the thin end of the wedge. I'd leave him to it if I were you. He's a headfuck and he knows it.

croprotationinthe13thcentury · 03/10/2019 22:43

You sound unsuited. He sounds like a dick but you sound a bit full on. If he doesnt want to talk you should respect his wishes. The same would go the other way round.

littleduckeggblue · 03/10/2019 22:46

How old are you and how king have you been together?

RedDogsBeg · 03/10/2019 22:49

I was getting a sense of deja vu too LordNibbler.

Just pick up your self respect, dump him and move on JorisBohnson relationships should be based on mutual respect which yours isn't and should't be such hard work which yours is.

Joyce2014 · 03/10/2019 22:53

I would really think about this relationship as it doesn't sound great. Fresh relationship should be about being happy and excited. If it's making your anxiety bad now what will it be later down the line. I would just end it and find a nice caring understanding 'man' that will treat you with respect as what he's doing is emotional abuse.

ReanimatedSGB · 03/10/2019 23:09

FFS bin and move on. It's possible that you are a bit needy, but equally possible he is selfish and inconsiderate. Either way, it doesn't sound like a relationship worth bothering with. Plenty more men out there.

FurrySlipperBoots · 03/10/2019 23:14

You really aren't compatible. Just move on and be glad you didn't waste any more life on him.

gamerchick · 03/10/2019 23:18

Why are you focusing on this picture? Hmm

The guys a dickhead. Dump his arse and find someone else.

Unless you're going to say you're both teenagers, in that case learn like the rest of us did.

HeddaGarbled · 03/10/2019 23:28

You’ve just been made redundant. That’s a big and important thing. It’s not “a bad day”.

And yet, you are focussing on some twat of a man and checking his Facebook, and getting yourself in a tizzy about him rather than the thing you should be getting in a tizzy about, which is impending joblessness.

Just put him out of your head, go talk to your family or friends about your redundancy, try and get some sleep, and then tomorrow, start thinking about what to do about a job.

Chocolate1984 · 03/10/2019 23:35

He is just doing it to make you feel worse, doubt yourself and apologise for something that isn't even your fault. Walk away and find someone with less drama.

When I was made redundant my boyfriend of 4 months took a half day holiday as he knew I'd be upset. I didn't ask him to, I didn't know he planned to do it. Your boyfriend should care. He doesn't have to take a holiday to prove he cares but he shouldn't be making you feel worse.

Dump him.

BlueBirdGreenFence · 03/10/2019 23:39

A "newish" relationship shouldn't be this eventful. End it and find someone that wants to spend all day every day shagging you with no thought for anyone else.

RightYesButNo · 03/10/2019 23:40

He ignored you for FOUR days when it wasn’t even your fault?

This is still a new-ish relationship. This should be when he’s showing the “best” of himself to you, and this is how he’s acting. I wouldn’t stick around to see what he’s really like when the honeymoon period is over if this is the best he can do.

Also, how we all feel about liking a scantily clad woman on Instagram is neither here nor there; some women wouldn’t mind it at all and some would have a huge issue with it. But the fact is he said he “understood” why women don’t like their boyfriends doing that and then he did it himself. Again, if this is his best, I wouldn’t hang about to see what his “regular” is like, OP.

And also, silent treatment is a form of emotional blackmail. He wants you to feel so badly or lonely that you beg him to talk to you again, even if he was in the wrong. All of this is just bad from start to finish for a new relationship.

Don’t talk to him for four days, then send a goodbye text. (Joking; just get rid of him now and save your four days).

HiJenny35 · 03/10/2019 23:47

He's just not that into you.
Drop him.
concentrate on yourself.
You need to look at your need to have response when you want it not when the other person is ready and why someone else's reaction is so detrimental to your emotional state.

Original poster
JorisBohnson · 03/10/2019 23:50

@RedDogsBeg @LordNibbler

Yes I've posted before.

OP posts:
Jupiters · 03/10/2019 23:54

Have a fresh start from both the job and from him. This early in a relationship shouldn't be like this. Like others have said this is when he should be showing off the best side of himself. Time for you to move on and find someone who will be more available to you.

Original poster
JorisBohnson · 03/10/2019 23:54

Are there honestly women out there who would like their partner liking pictures of random girls boobs?

Is it really so "full on" given the discussion where he said he knew it was disrespectful to girlfriends, to say it wasn't acceptable ?

I saw the pic in my discover page. Was out of place so clicked on it. First like was my partner's name.

Not like im scrolling through his phone or looking at who he follows !

OP posts:
Sweetpeach3 · 03/10/2019 23:57

Girl, put him to the bins like your old job and move on. He sounds like a total dickhead an you don't deserve that at all!! X

darthbreakz · 03/10/2019 23:59

Move on and get a new new relationship. Don't put up with this nonsense.

macmustard · 04/10/2019 00:29

Liking random women's pictures is off.

But you're completely ignoring the real issue here. He blanks you to punish you and it will only get worse. Why are you focusing on the picture? Block him and move on.

WhereYouLeftIt · 04/10/2019 00:33

"I feel like im being punished rather that him having head space."
You feel like you're being punished because that is exactly what he is doing. Or maybe 'training' would be a better description.

"hes said in the past that he understands why girls don't like their boyfriends liking other girls pictures and he wouldn't do that."
Y'see, this makes it sound like a set-up to me.

  1. He states his position on something (liking other girls' pictures)
  2. He acts contrary to his stated position
  3. You point this out to him
  4. He punishes you by doing something you have already said makes you anxious

Do you see why I think he's set you up? And why I think this is him 'training' you to never question what he does, or you'll be punished?

You say he's a 'new ish boyfriend'. It would be better for you to change him into an 'ex boyfriend'. Seriously, he's started as he means to go on. Training you through behaving in a way that he knows makes you anxious, all the better to make you compliant and unquestioning and totally lacking in self esteem. Ditch him. Ditch him tonight.

Mummaofmytribe · 04/10/2019 00:36

God, dump him. You've enough on your plate dealing with the redundancy! Stop wasting your energy on someone who frankly doesn't care less about you.
You're focussing on the wrong thing here, obsessing needlessly. Get rid of him and concentrate in your own life.
One day you'll meet someone kind and thoughtful and this bloke will be a distant memory.

Happyspud · 04/10/2019 00:40

He’s crap. Dump him.

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