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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Do I deserve this ??

104 replies

JorisBohnson · 03/10/2019 21:07

New ish boyfriend.

Last week we had an argument in which he admitted he overreacted to me complaining about something (being tired not directly related to him if that makes sense). He ignored me for 4 days after this and then admitted he was in the wrong.

I've had a SHIT day today. Been made redundant, anxiety awful. Boyfriend hasn't been too attentive last few days because he was busy in work (which is fine)

Saw on insta that he had liked a girls very revealing picture (boobs on show). I called him quite annoyed asking why he liked it. He said he didn't know and he'd unfollow her.

I text saying I had a bad day and I overreacted and shouldn't have said it over a phone call.

He blanked me.

This was four hours ago. I've since rang and he didn't answer. Sent a message if he intends to talk to me tonight as I feel bad for what happened and also I had a shit day. No reply. He's active on social media tho.

Does my behaviour justify the silent treatment ?

I feel like eceey time I show im not happy about something I get the silent treatment. How do I stop this?

Is he being unreasonable or me?

I just wanted some support but seems I won't now

OP posts:
category12 · 03/10/2019 22:06

Do yourself a favour and dump him. It shouldn't be this hard, this early into a relationship.

Also, the silent treatment is an emotionally abusive tactic.

Get rid.

Sorry about the redundancy.

Time for some life changes for the better.

SherbetSaucer · 03/10/2019 22:07

This all sounds so bloody childish! How old are you both? Teenagers?

ittakes2 · 03/10/2019 22:09

Yabu staying with this man-child.

fallfallfall · 03/10/2019 22:09

He’s not into you. Sorry you need to move on.
He likes random boobs, doesn’t want to chat to you after a shit day and regularly ignores you. Does it get much clearer than this?
Gather your dignity and move on.

Skittlesandbeer · 03/10/2019 22:09

Whatever else, stop hanging out like a puppy desperate to be thrown a bone. Leave him to his silent treatment. Turn to friends and family today for support. Distract yourself and practice some self care.

Don’t keep wringing your hands over what he is or isn’t doing. Face the fact his behaviour is uncaring and juvenile.

If he apologises in the next few days, be a bit wary. Have a good long talk about it, by all means, but his behaviour speaks louder than words. He might just be someone who distances themselves the second the fun stops (because the other person rightly needs support). That person is unlikely to make a good long term prospect- they just don’t accept that ‘give and take’ dynamic. It’s ‘take’, and get what YOU need elsewhere.

Sorry about your job. May it be a short hop to the next one!

Duchessofealing · 03/10/2019 22:12

Seriously dump him. He’s a twat. Firstly he liked someone else’s picture which is utterly crass - well done you for challenging him on it and then he compounds his twatishness by blanking you when you apologise and you weren’t even in the wrong!! Why are you with this muppet? You can do better!

timshelthechoice · 03/10/2019 22:13

'new' ish relationship and already sulking for days? Bin him off, FFS.

Ponoka7 · 03/10/2019 22:15

OP end it. He's emotionally abusive.

There was a thread on here recently were a married woman was a shell of her former self because of the silent treatment. It will eventually destroy you.

Ponoka7 · 03/10/2019 22:17

"I feel like im being punished rather that him having head space."

You are being punished. Your anxiety will just get worse.

End it.

JorisBonson · 03/10/2019 22:19

INSTADRAMA

Cherrysoup · 03/10/2019 22:20

Is he 12?! Imagine living with him, how shit would that be?? Dump him.

ChicCroissant · 03/10/2019 22:21

YABU to spend your valuable time going through social media checking what your partner has liked, OP. That's no way to live. Time to end this relationship - his responses are not ideal either, btw.

Drabarni · 03/10/2019 22:23

You both sound about 15 tbh.
Stop contacting him all the time, too much time on your hands.

DonKeyshot · 03/10/2019 22:24

Far too much drama in a "new-ish" relationship.

Bin him and start looking for a more considerate man.

letsdolunch321 · 03/10/2019 22:29

You can expect more support here than from the pathetic man child.

DUMP HIM, he is sulking like a child rather than being supportive.

Good luck on finding another job etc

Numberblocks · 03/10/2019 22:29

The blanking you is about control and punishment, I'm talking from the place of bitter experience.

This is a big red flag and the fact he's behaving like this early on is an indicator that it's only going to get worse.

DianaT1969 · 03/10/2019 22:30

@qual @roly
I didn't mean that a boyfriend or girlfriend shouldn't be supportive - that would be normal. I meant that her expectations are off, based on what she said in her OP about his behaviour and that he is a new boyfriend. She hasn't said how long. They might have known each other 4 weeks and been on 8 dates for all we know..
I too had a long day and was trying to say that she should look to real support if she has it. Friends and family who have known her for years, rather than months, and who (hopefully) have her interests at heart.

TatianaLarina · 03/10/2019 22:30

Surely you know this is nonsense? Why haven’t you dumped him already?

BrendasUmbrella · 03/10/2019 22:31

Power games. Life's too short.

ILearnedItFromABook · 03/10/2019 22:31

Seems like he's sulking because you caught him being a creep. (Yes, I think publicly "liking" a booby photo of another woman when you're dating is creepy.)

He's punishing you for daring to comment on his behaviour. Doesn't bode well.

Boysey45 · 03/10/2019 22:32

I think its is for a partner to offer some comfort and support really.Hes not stepped up so I'd just block/ghost him. No explanations needed, hes not interested, you can do better.
Hope you get a new job sorted soon OP.

Dita73 · 03/10/2019 22:34

Ditch him. The bloke’s an arse

MrsTishellsNeckBrace · 03/10/2019 22:34

Fresh start on all fronts - life’s too short for his shite!

Idontwanttotalk · 03/10/2019 22:35

Dump him. Don't you want a man, not a child?

ErickBroch · 03/10/2019 22:38

I'm being honest, this doesn't change. Some people sulk and blank/ignore - I personally find it quite abusive if used continuously after a partner has expressed how awful it makes them feel. It was a tactic used against me by my abusive ex.

I am not saying he is abusing you now, but this will pass and you will forget about it but seriously - this is long-term and how he will react to a lot of things. If you don't like it, leave now.