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AIBU?

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Original poster

Do I deserve this ??

104 replies

JorisBohnson · 03/10/2019 21:07

New ish boyfriend.

Last week we had an argument in which he admitted he overreacted to me complaining about something (being tired not directly related to him if that makes sense). He ignored me for 4 days after this and then admitted he was in the wrong.

I've had a SHIT day today. Been made redundant, anxiety awful. Boyfriend hasn't been too attentive last few days because he was busy in work (which is fine)

Saw on insta that he had liked a girls very revealing picture (boobs on show). I called him quite annoyed asking why he liked it. He said he didn't know and he'd unfollow her.

I text saying I had a bad day and I overreacted and shouldn't have said it over a phone call.

He blanked me.

This was four hours ago. I've since rang and he didn't answer. Sent a message if he intends to talk to me tonight as I feel bad for what happened and also I had a shit day. No reply. He's active on social media tho.

Does my behaviour justify the silent treatment ?

I feel like eceey time I show im not happy about something I get the silent treatment. How do I stop this?

Is he being unreasonable or me?

I just wanted some support but seems I won't now

OP posts:
JourneyToThePlacentaOfTheEarth · 04/10/2019 01:35

The silent treatment/ sulking is the worst. I grew up on that. It is abusive. Op why are you focusing on the pic issue. Whatever you did or didn't do, you don't deserve to be ignored and punished especially today with the redundancy. Dump him and do it quickly. If you're hesitating ask yourself why you feel you need a man like this around, you deserve better

managedmis · 04/10/2019 01:48

Sent a message if he intends to talk to me tonight as I feel bad for what happened and also I had a shit day. No reply

^^

Tells you everything you need to know really. Stop being so blardy desperate. If HE intends to talk to YOU? Like it's a privilege?

Original poster
JorisBohnson · 04/10/2019 01:57

He has maintained his sulking/silence all night, whilst I applied for any job I could find.

If he got annoyed with me for liking ANYONE'S picture, I would try to understand, even if I didn't agree. I wouldn't ignore him.

What I also don't understand is he said "it's not a big deal because I've unfollowed her now"

... isn't that admitting at least to some extent that I have a point?

@WhereYouLeftIt

It's a very bizarre situation. I said to him ex-BFs have called me "psycho" in the past for not liking them liking other girls pictures on social media ... now he's acting like they were actually right?

OP posts:
Sunflower20 · 04/10/2019 02:10

OP you should never tell a bf that you've been called 'psycho' in the past.

Anyway, you have a shit bf who does not respect you enough to support you or even communicate properly, why're you with him? The insta stuff is trivial amongst the fundamental problems.

Charley50 · 04/10/2019 02:10

I've been with a sulker, very detrimental to might self-esteem. It's abusive, training you to accept bad behaviour and the sign of a poor communicator. You've been made redundant and he's made all about him.

OooErMissus · 04/10/2019 02:14

Give it up already, OP.

He's just not that into you.

Original poster
JorisBohnson · 04/10/2019 02:15

@Sunflower20

we were sharing deeply personal things. he told me extremely personal problems he had had, I disclosed my previous relationships/cheating etc., as did he.

OP posts:
OooErMissus · 04/10/2019 02:15

...and quite why you're into him, I have no idea.

Troilusworks · 04/10/2019 03:34

He told me extremely personal things. With an abusive man that can be a set up too. One, because it makes you feel sorry for them (oh he's so sensitive and vulnerable he must be lovely and I must boost him up) and two because it's sets you up to tell him personal stuff that he can then use against you to make you feel more vulnerable in the relationship. Which he has done by liking this picture which he knows would upset you.

The PP is right he's training you. And it's working like a charm because you're obsessing about insta even though nearly every poster is telling you he's bad news. It's not your behaviour that is the problem. It's his. But you've been trained by (previous boyfriends and?) him to look at your own behaviour rather than their poor behaviour.

Icantthinkofanewname87 · 04/10/2019 03:51

Liking a pic of a girl with her boobs out when you’re in a relationship is really disrespectful and you weren’t at all wrong to say something.

Icantthinkofanewname87 · 04/10/2019 03:51

Dump him. He will only get worse.

IncrediblySadToo · 04/10/2019 04:17

Social media is a thorn in the backside of relationships these days

I rather think it’s the sleezy behaviour that’s the problem.

Get rid of this selfish sleezy git. Of course you’d expected some sympathy/support from your boyfriend if you’d been made redundant.

Plus he’s akready manipulating & controlling you.

Get rid, new job, new bloke 🌷

Unknownanon · 04/10/2019 06:51

Why are you so desperate to please this man? He's behaving very poorly yet you are grovelling and deferring to him. Take back control and dump him, or expect to be posting him forever as he grows more and more shit by day!

Shoxfordian · 04/10/2019 06:59

He's going to carry on giving you the silent treatment like this whenever you dare to challenge him

He's a knob. Move on and dump him

SnappedandFartedagain · 04/10/2019 07:39

You're both as bad as each other. He's a total knob but you are extremely annoying for blanking all the posters who have asked for more information about your relationship.

ImFreeToDoWhatIWant · 04/10/2019 08:14

I'm repeating many others, but the way you stop it is to dump him. This is not a relationship that's going anywhere productive, and there's nothing worth fighting for.

maddy68 · 04/10/2019 10:48

He's probably working and busy. You do sound a little intense probably because of your situation and feeling shite

PlasticPatty · 04/10/2019 10:54

Fabulous.
You're in a liminal phase.
Made redundant. Things are changing for you.
This is the ideal time to ditch both the leery boyfriend and the anxiety.

In truth, men look at breasts. They look at mine all the time, and I'm some old, fat, fully-dressed grandma. They're going to look online. They just are.

But that doesn't mean you have to share your life with a man who wants to let random women know that he likes theirs. Let him go. Be free, be happy.

This is your time to start a new, happier life.

Original poster
JorisBohnson · 04/10/2019 10:56

He text me saying "you can ring me after 7pm."

Any doubts of him being abusive have literally vanished from my mind. This is how my ex started.

OP posts:
Pinkflipflop85 · 04/10/2019 11:27

Sounds like my ex. He wasn't abusive, but I wasn't the only girl he was stringing along.

Original poster
JorisBohnson · 04/10/2019 11:30

@SnappedandFartedagain

We've been together 7 months.

I can't see any more questions.

OP posts:
Damntheman · 04/10/2019 12:13

Liking other girls' photos wouldn't bother me, but it bothers YOU and that's what is important. At the least he could listen to you and discuss things rationally. Giving you the silent treatment is manipulative and emotionally abusive. Dump the tosser, you are worth so much more. Don't call him at 7, just send him the text to say you're not going to bother because the relationship is over. He KNOWS the silent treatment makes you anxious and he does it anyway. He doesn't care about how you feel.

hardyloveit · 04/10/2019 12:16

It's a new relationship - you are having problems now. The silent treatment is horrible just Ltb

The picture thing on Instagram wouldn't bother me - my husband likes quite a few but I don't care however you do and that's your choice to not like them and he isn't respecting that

messolini9 · 04/10/2019 12:24

I feel like eceey time I show im not happy about something I get the silent treatment. How do I stop this?

Your new b/f is at best ridiculous.
At worst, he is at the start of a campaign to manage your behaviour in order to end up in control of the relationship, and you.

He's shown you who he is.
He's not worth your time, or this amount of angst. He won't improve, you cannot change him, & he will continue manipulating you until you have knuckled under.

You stop this by dumping him.

You will save yourself months, or worse years, of misery, seesawing emotions & eventual loss of your own self-worth. Look forward & be happy.

Bluntness100 · 04/10/2019 12:27

Op, I've also read this before. I don't know what different answers you expect to get now than then, you just keep putting up with this shit.