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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To stop them going through?

84 replies

Dumbledorker · 03/10/2019 18:40

It would be the last thing I would ever ever want to do but I feel like the only right thing to do would be to stop my daughters 5 and 9 from going through to their dads. My 5 year old just told me her 5 year old stepbrother has "put his finger in my fairy"

I'm numb. They are always saying he swears and hes rude and hits and bites them for the last 2 years. Exh lives with their stepmum, older stepbrother and older step daughter and 5 year old stepbrother.

My 9 year old dd stayed with me for 5 weeks earlier in the year because her dad had been smacking her for weeing.

Now this...

I've told him gently what shes told me.
He said I need to be careful what I'm saying. And that his partner will be at my door if she finds out what I've said about her son.

Please tell me what I should do now...
I have to go do bedtimes so will be back to reply soon.

OP posts:
FriedasCarLoad · 03/10/2019 18:43

I’m so sorry.

I think you need to report this, to protect your daughter.

One result of that would be that you’d get professional help and advice for you and your daughter.

Flowers
verytiredandstressed · 03/10/2019 18:54

Gosh I'm sorry op ,

Yeah you need to report this , the stepbrother is 5 years old but where is he getting this from and the other stuff too .
And your ex reaction too Is shocking .
In the meantime do not send your children there again .
Have the said they like going to see their dad or so they appear anxious, upset ?

WickedLemon · 03/10/2019 18:58

He said I need to be careful what I'm saying. And that his partner will be at my door if she finds out what I've said about her son

Wow. Well it’s clear where his loyalties lie.

You need to speak to someone, the NSPCC maybe, for advice on what to do and who to report this to.

Meanwhile, like hell would my children be going anywhere near the step-family.

yorkshirecountrylass · 03/10/2019 19:00

OP I'm so sorry but yes you do need to report this. Police and children's social care (if you Google children's social care and the name of the town you're in it'll bring you the number up).

HoomanMoomin · 03/10/2019 19:00

Definitely speak to NSPCC. He might be abused at home.

miaCara · 03/10/2019 19:02

I would usually say that the average 5 year olds left alone for a length of time may veer towards 'Doctors and nurses ' type of exploratory play. Both engaged equally and innocently looking and comparing bits. Thats within the bounds of normality and not something to be overly worried about but worth keeping a watchful eye on.
This little boy though is biting and swearing he hits and is rude. That sounds like a very angry child and in my experience angry children are acting out in the hope that an adult will take charge of them and save them from whatever is hurting them. I suspect some sort of abuse towards him and he may be just doing what has been done to him. I would report for his sake .

Whitejasmine · 03/10/2019 19:10

I think I would’ve stopped my children going round after the smacking after weeing incident - and now especially after what your youngest has told you. My dd age 7 wets the bed regularly and myself and her dad would never dream of smacking her - that makes me feel really sad for your eldest. What your youngest is telling you could be passed off as just a childish game if they were an otherwise nice family but they don’t sound like they are, they all sound very unstable. And your ex’s attitude to what you’ve told him is despicable. It sounds like he was trying to threaten you too.

SparklyMagpie · 03/10/2019 19:13

There no " I think you need to report this" get it bloody reported!!!!

Redred2429 · 03/10/2019 19:15

You need to report this op and definitely don't send your daughters over there until you have spoken to the authorities about safe guarding

CAG12 · 03/10/2019 19:15

Smacking your child for wetting herself is going to put her development in that area back anyway, id have limited the time she spends with her father due to that.

The other stuff is plain concerning. Speak to NSPCC. Maybe dont completely stop seeing her. Ask him to meet your children in public areas.

Cherrysoup · 03/10/2019 19:16

Speak to NSPCC and get advice but my first call would be no more visits to that house.

LakieLady · 03/10/2019 19:19

This is a safeguarding matter. Refer to Childrens Services and don't let them go round to their father's until it's been looked into.

Anonmummyoftwo · 03/10/2019 19:19

Ring nspcc asap. The fact he said to watch what you say dosnt sit well with me to be honest. Also smacking your daughter for wetting herself what the hells wrong with him. Im almost sure the nspcc has a 24 hour number aswell

Original poster
Dumbledorker · 03/10/2019 19:23

His partner has just rung me. Its first time I have ever spoken to her . She said "right you listen here lady" ..... then I hung up. I rang back and exh answered and said she was on the way to my house

OP posts:
Anonmummyoftwo · 03/10/2019 19:24

Call the police right now if shes coming round to your house

lunar1 · 03/10/2019 19:24

Report it, I can't think of any innocent way or miss understanding that would lead a 5 year old to say this.

Original poster
Dumbledorker · 03/10/2019 19:24

Thankyou for your replies by the way. I will report it and ring nspcc. Il just get the kids to bed. I sent them upstairs thinking she was on the way but she hasnt turned up

OP posts:
lunar1 · 03/10/2019 19:25

Police now!

Anonmummyoftwo · 03/10/2019 19:26

I would still ring them even the non emergency number explain it all

FurryDogMother · 03/10/2019 19:26

Don't answer the door, and if she makes a nuisance of herself, call the police.

lunar1 · 03/10/2019 19:26

Your ex has made his position clear and my children wouldn't be going back there. I would absolutely call the police after the phone call.

Beautiful3 · 03/10/2019 19:28

I would ring the nspcc line now. If she turns up then ring the police on 101. Dobt allow them to visit anymore.

CAG12 · 03/10/2019 19:30

If she turns up dont answer the door

Elieza · 03/10/2019 19:33

Police. This situation is messed up. You don’t know what she is capable of. Police now. She can’t hide from the truth, if it’s all innocent then it’s all fine. However I’d suspect there is abuse going on and she knows it and that’s why she’s shutting herself and trying to scare you off. The poor kids.

eternallybaffled · 03/10/2019 19:34

Jesus, ring 101. Explain. The circumstances and that you are concerned that she might appear at the door and you are there alone with 2 small children. THEN put them to bed. Don't even open the door.