To be exasperated with FB pity party?

[NearlyGranny]

Youngish family member (by marriage routinely vague- books fury or anguish, triggering a slew of, "Are you OK, Hun? I'm here if you need me!" from friends. I never feel I can respond appropriately unless I know what the problem is.

Now it's "How can I tell (late) DP how much more painfully I miss you as Christmas approaches?" It's only October 2nd! At my count there's 83 days of this ahead. I do care that there's been a premature parental death, I really do, but is dignity really not a thing any more?

I know I can scroll past and I do; I know I could block them but I don't; they're family and I love them. I just wish they'd stop. I'm venting here because I'd never say it to them.

Am I just a mean curmudgeonly old harridan?

Oh bum, it will be (redacted) elf on the (redacted redacted) shelf any day now, won't it?

Perhaps I could hibernate?

Ooh they drive me mad. The people who wrote long and gushy messages to dead people on fb. Mostly to elderly relatives who never used fb when they were alive, let alone now they’re dead 🙄

FB is a persons journey. You can unfollow without defriending or blocking . I agree the endless angel wings/candle in heaven umpteen times a day is wearing.

Unfollow the attention seeking wanker

Just unfollow

Easy

Hide their posts, they won’t know you’ve done it.

Understandably she’s focusing on Christmas as it’s advertised everywhere, and Christmas provokes memories to the majority of us.

However I don’t and will never understand those who live every minute of their live through social media.

Yanbu, my sister is like this about her depression and has been for years, it just comes across as attention seeking.

Cricky. I thought from the post it was going to be one of those :checked into hospital: with hundreds of "u ok hun" then no replies until "yeh cut finger".

If my husband died I would actually kill myself (no exaggeration) so I wouldn't think someone breaking their heart on Facebook was that extreme. I cannot imagine their pain. I seem to be in a minority with my vote but I voted yabu. For the record I don't post attention seeking posts on Facebook as I think it's cheesy but could be her only outlet?

I don't get it either - very attention seeking

Lots of deceased peoples FB pages are kept going so why not post a private message why does it have to be so public??

I've had 5 miscarriages and 2 ectopics I don't gush about them all over social media or do those cringe videos where you hold up the cards with writing on them. I'll occasionally share a page from a charity website and if someone asks me about my connection to it I will answer but that's it

I voted YABU but only because you can unfollow or do the 30 day ignore function to get them off your newsfeed.

The ones that get me are when people "check in" to hospital - probably to have a toe nail removed or something . Then there are lots of messages

"Are you on hun?"

With which the OP replies "I will PM you hun"

Simply unfollow her. Job done.

Social media gives you the tools to ensure its an experience that works for you.

I hate social media with a vengeance and am so glad I have never felt the need to participate. Your opening post illustrates why. Nobody has privacy any more and who can tell what is a genuine post and what not?

I am a widow and I share posts for my hubby and about him..He was only 28 and we have 3 young daughters.. To me its part of keeping his memory alive.. If you don't like what you see its simple to scroll past or delete that person.

“Happy birthday to my Dad in Heaven”
“There’s no Facebook in Heaven, Barbara”
🙄

@Holpop19 😂 totally agree. I also hate the ones where people ‘thank’ their family member for something they’ve done together eg thanks to my lovely Mum/‘Hubs’/Bubba for a lovely time - they live in the same house for fucks sake why post on FB? Plus the ‘aren't Daughters lovely - re post if you have a daughter you love’ ones. Grrrrrrrrrrrrr

and am so glad I have never felt the need to participate

Gosh thank goodness it makes you feel so superior, eh?

Drives me potty too OP...facebook dramas seem to equal a complete lack of dignity....No one could fail to be sorry for the loss of a loved one but it seems crass to me to advertise the fact and I have to ask what comfort a load of random comments could actually bring...

@peakygal I am sorry for your loss, I went off on one a bit then... 💐

I had someone on Facebook who I found really irritating. I snoozed her for thirty days and the relief was immense. When she popped back up in my feed I was happy to unfollow her. It has actually improved my mental health. Like you, I felt that I couldn’t unfriend her entirely, but I really recommend the thirty day snooze, just as a little trial of how life could be.

When they show up in your news feed click the drop down arrow or dots and choose "hide so and so for 30 days
Hide so and so and stop their posts showing in your feed"

There has been a lot of Christmas stuff around lately, YABU so leave her in peace to grieve.

These don’t bother me. People who check into hospitals do.

It's her fb wall. You can choose to follow it or not. You are not the police of how she chooses to deal with and express her grief. Yabu.

I'm never sure what people think they achieve when they're all, 'no negativity on Facebook' but are usually also moaning about how Facebook doesn't reflect real life. Negative emotions are part of life, and expressing them is likely better than repressing them. I imagine your fb friend feels terrible after her loss, and everyone around her is mostly pretending it didn't happen or expecting her to 'get on with it'. This is one way she can communicate that actually it is real and still affects her deeply. And why shouldn't she?

I would agree with you on the vague booking but I wouldn't criticise someone's way of grieving

Eh.. just unfollow them surely? Some people need to grieve this way. Vague-booking is incredibly annoying but there's always the unfollow or unfriend buttons. I like to post about my dad usually one a year with a nice photo if I dug a new one up. It helps me keep his memory alive and it helps me deal with the grief. I'll likely not do it forever, it's only been 2 years (nearly 3), but it helps. Don't be cruel, unfollow.