To tell this poor woman her bloke is a cheating twat?

[NotSoFabReally]

About 6 years ago I met this guy on Fab Swingers (for those who are not familiar, it's an adult hook up site mostly, not just for die hard swingers, no pun intended). I was single, I didn't want a relationship, but did want the odd shag. He came over a few times during the day over the course of a few weeks/months. Very hot, very good shag, few years younger than me, nice guy, or so it seemed. He told me he lived with his brother, not that I gave too much of a shit, but like me he said he was single and just looking for something casual. Of course you never really know the truth but I would only meet other single guys as let's face it there's enough of them without needing to go near the ones who are taken.

I had his number saved in my phone, so a few months after the last time I'd seen him, Facebook helpfully brought him up as a friend suggestion. Turns out his name wasn't what he said it was, and after Facestalking him a bit it turned out that not only was he in a relationship, at the time which we started shagging, his girlfriend was 6 months pregnant and they now had a baby. Her profile was very open and there were lots of lovey dovey posts about her wonderful man etc.

I had a break from Fab and when I went back on a year or so later under a different profile, this same guy messages me. I did a quick Facestalk of him and yep, he was still with this woman he'd had the baby with. I messaged him back saying something along the lines of "how's Sue and the baby?" (not real name obvs). He obviously shat his pants, sent me an abusive message back and then blocked me.

Fast forward to today, I went back onto Fab after ages of not being on there. Within minutes, guess who messages me wondering if I'd like to meet for a shag? He clearly doesn't know that it's me (different profile and pics from my last one). I ransacked the deepest archives of my brain for his real name and Facestalked him again. Seems him and Sue split up, and he promptly got together with another girl, let's call her Laura. She must have got pregnant very quickly as they have 2 year old twins. Both of their profiles are quite open, both saying in a relationship, lots of happy family photos, posts of them together from less than 48 hours ago.

So I message him back and ask 'will Laura be there too?'. He has just messaged me saying 'I'm not with her'. Obviously he's lying but I feel really sorry for his poor girlfriend who just like the last one has no idea what a dirty little shitbag he is. I have screenshots of his messages, with cock and face pics attached. Just been back onto Fab while writing this and he's hidden his profile. Should I send these screenshots to Laura so she knows the truth and can get herself down to the GUM clinic pronto? On the one hand it's none of my business but on the other hand if this was my bloke and father of my babies I think I would want to know.

As horrible as it is being cheated on (and have had that down to me) unless you know her well and are their to support her why would you tell her to get back at him ?

We can’t go round correcting people’s behaviour so their morals are in line with our own we can’t control people that way - they have morality police in countries like Saudi - do people really think this is how people should be controlled or try to control people

The site is hook ups for sex nothing else if you don’t want to run the risk of hooking up with someone that has a partner (and no one can claim naivety about these sites) then find someone to do that with who you are quite sure isn’t otherwise involved

Thanks for the replies.

For those that have accused me of being ‘obsessed’ with this guy, my ‘obsession’ has taken the shape of checking his Facebook page 3 times over the last 6 years, a sum total of maybe 10 minutes time, and only because I’ve received a message from him and been curious. Other than that I honestly haven’t given him a second’s thought.

And for those that are outraged that I might have indulged in casual sex, the 1950s called and they want you back.

After some consideration, I’ve decided to not do anything about telling her. There isn’t a way that I could tell her which wouldn’t cause her massive hurt, and she is very young (early twenties, over 10 years younger than him). From her posts she’s clearly besotted with this guy and at least he’s around and helping her out with the twins, and providing financially for them. Probably best to let her stay in her bubble for now, and as a pp said allow her to find out that her man is a cheating sack of dicks organically in the course of time.

I do feel very sorry for her but I don’t want to rip her life apart. Hopefully the message I sent him last night will have scared him into staying away from fab at least temporarily.

Good call OP.

I'm sure you'd be fine with one of the men "informing" your parents/employers/kids/ new partners that you were on the site too.

I have made a commitment to my current partner not to be involved romantically with anyone else - that includes sexual and emotional fidelity. If I were on a site like that whilst going out with him, it would be his business and he'd need to know. The OP is in a completely different situation. When she hooked up with this man she was single. Her parents, any children she might have, and her employers don't need to know that as a single woman she has a sex life. It's none of their business.

I can't really fathom how anyone can get these things confused, unless they think the problem is having casual sex per se, rather than having casual sex whilst supposedly in an exclusive and committed relationship with someone else. So, just in case, casual consensual sex whilst single or in an open relationship = not a problem. Cheating on a partner = massive problem. The first, no-one need know about, not employers, or parents or future partners. The second, the person being cheated on needs to know, although how they find out is another matter.