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Original poster

What can I do about receiving 'hurtful/emotionally charged' texts?

125 replies

JohnS2 · 30/09/2019 21:43

Hi, just a quick background to my situation:

I see my 5 year old daughter every Saturday. I go to my ex's place and we spend the day together. I like the current situation as I think it's good for my daughter to see us all together. My relationship with my ex is basically cordial and overall good. I have a great relationship with my little girl.

The issue I have is that my ex sends me very nasty text messages whenever I try to diverge from the current arrangement e.g this week because I'm unable (due to work) to attend my daughter's play I just received these 'below the belt' texts. The frequency of these sorts of texts is every couple of weeks. I feel that she thinks the relationship is still alive even though we haven't been together for more than a few years. Texting seems to be a tool she uses to annoy and torment.

Is there anything I can do to stop her from sending these sorts of messages? I've asked her but she doesn't listen/ignores me.

Thanks for any suggestions.
John

OP posts:
redappleandaquamarinebow1987 · 01/10/2019 08:25

@KUGA where did he say he spends 6 hours?

Myriade · 01/10/2019 08:38

1- stop seeing your dd at your ex house
2- take your responsibility as a father seriously and don’t cancel/rearrange every couple of weeks. Your ex isn’t there to wait for you AND your dd needs the safety of a regular meeting day/time. And yes that includes organising work so you can see her
3- why don’t you have your dd EOW? And do you pay CM tooo?

RhinoskinhaveI · 01/10/2019 11:21

What sort of things does she say in these below the belt texts?

gamerchick · 01/10/2019 12:11

Hand grenade post. Should have seen it from the off Grin

Newyearnewme2019 · 01/10/2019 13:03

rhino What sort of things does she say in these below the belt texts?

I reckon - John, Can't believe you've let you DD down AGAIN, she's really upset. Are you able to make next Saturday? Ex

Grow up John and own your shitty behaviour or are you going to ignore us all on here and not return back to the post because we don't agree with you?

RubaDubMum89 · 01/10/2019 13:11

I don't think OP is coming back Hmm

prawneater · 01/10/2019 13:25

I think this thread is probably similar to the ex's texts. I imagine he's unsubscribed.

KUGA · 01/10/2019 13:36

Thank you for putting me right redappleaquamarinebow1987.
I think I should re-read messages twice in future.
Oh and I`m not trying to be sarcastic honestly.

Andysbestadventure · 01/10/2019 13:54

You have commitments. Your ex cant change her plans just because you have work. The onus is on YOU to change your work plans on the weekends you're due to see your daughter, not for your ex to accomodate your work

Get your shit in order.

MutedUser · 01/10/2019 14:33

Op if you don’t make your usual Saturday which you say is every few weeks then that mean you then aren’t seeing her for two weeks . That’s awful no wonder your poor ex is upset.

ColaFreezePop · 01/10/2019 14:50

OP your ex is facilitating you being a shitty parent to your DD. In fact you are both not being good parents as she shouldn't be putting up with you acting like a shit.

While you get on you are not together. You need to show this to your DD.

What happens if your ex gets a new partner and goes on to have more children? You won't be welcome in their home as it won't just be your ex's home any more.

Likewise are you going to hide your DD from any new partner you have?

I suggest you post this on the relationships or separated/divorce boards and ask "How can I parent my child properly as a separated dad so my ex doesn't feel the need to send me nasty text messages when I don't turn up?"

redappleandaquamarinebow1987 · 01/10/2019 16:27

@Namechangeforthiscancershit Lets assume he picks her up at a decent time around 11 so mother and dd have a relaxed stress free morning at that age they will usually be in bed by around 7 so that is 6 hours of quality time. Then lets say she needs to be back by 5pm the next day so we get another 10 hours of her spending time with her father if we are generous. That is a total of 16 hours if we don't count the time she spends asleep so not really quality time. That is 16 hours over 2 weeks.

Now lets say he arrives at the ex house at 7 in time for breakfast and leaves at 6 once she has had a bath and is ready for bed that is 11 hours. OP did not say how much time he spends with her or how invloved he is on that day. For all we know he could be fully in charge with ex only providing a suitable venue. That is 22 hours over 2 weeks which works out at 6 hours more then a regular EOW setup.

Namechangeforthiscancershit · 01/10/2019 16:58

Well that all sounds great except that
A) it's fiction
B) 7 am seems pretty unlikely
C) the OP's post says they all spend the day together so the venue bit is nonsense

MutedUser · 01/10/2019 17:02

😂a suitable venue

redappleandaquamarinebow1987 · 01/10/2019 17:03

@Namechangeforthiscancershit of course my scenario is hypothetical but so is everyone else posting he only spends X amount when he never said how much and calling him the worst father ever when we don't know any details

MutedUser · 01/10/2019 17:06

He spends one day out of seven with his daughter that he doesn’t even stick to every week that’s the details from his post .

redappleandaquamarinebow1987 · 01/10/2019 17:19

@MutedUser we have no idea why the arrangement is like that

Soon2BeMumof3 · 02/10/2019 00:14

Also, please learn how to use quotation marks. Who are you quoting when you call the texts 'hurtful/emotionally charged'? ....are you quoting yourself?

Donald trump does this with quotation marks as well, and frankly you seem similarly egotistical.

user1473878824 · 02/10/2019 00:28

For fuck’s sake. I scrolled through three pages because I knew this was instantly going to be a shit show because OP had the gall to be a man. None of us have any idea why the arrangements work for them, and if a woman said all of this it would be what an abusive shit her ex is.

redappleandaquamarinebow1987 · 02/10/2019 00:35

@user1473878824 at the end of the day when it comes to inheritance in most cases blood relatives do and should come first

redappleandaquamarinebow1987 · 02/10/2019 00:37

@user1473878824 sorry wrong thread 😅

redappleandaquamarinebow1987 · 02/10/2019 00:38

@user1473878824 fully agree with you by the way with what you said

Bouledeneige · 02/10/2019 00:45

user1473878824 - To some extent I agree. I don't think wanting to change arrangements is a terrible thing to do - if they are generally reliable, consistent and put the work in.

However, how many Mum's do you know who only have their kids for a Saturday with their ex? I think that is what most people find difficult to swallow - its not really parenting is it? Its popping in.

user1473878824 · 02/10/2019 00:53

@Bouledeneige totally get that and mainly agree but it might be because that’s what she wants? There’s no context before a huge pile on. But as soon as it’s a man it must be that he’s a shitty wanker over ANYTHING else and it does drive me insane. It makes me very eye roll.

user1473878824 · 02/10/2019 00:54

@redappleandaquamarinebow1987 hahah also agree re that thread!