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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Am I overreacting about playground rudeness?

85 replies

Whydoesitalwaysrainatpickup · 30/09/2019 13:20

DD recently started reception and only 3 children from same pre school are in same primary school. One being my neighbours daughter. No idea what I or my daughter are meant to have done but she has been blanking me and upset my daughter on one occasion as also ignores her, and keeps her daughter from talking to mine?!! It's making me feel really insecure and anxious at every drop off and pick up. Trying to avoid by getting there early, and when I do see her I always say hello, morning or whatever and smile but get absolutely nothing back and feel I look an idiot to anyone watching as she literally blanks me! We have never been best friends or anything but always chatted on way to/from pre school, in the street etc. Was going to invite her daughter and a couple of others round for tea one day after school this week to try and smooth things over, although assume she will say yes and make last minute excuse, or just say no. How will I know if she's genuinely got plans or just doesn't want to come? I don't want to cause even more friction or even an argument by out right asking what the hell her problem is, but this is affecting me so much I'm considering moving house and or changing schools. Although this is the school I wanted for my daughter, but if this continues its only a matter of time before she upsets my DD again. WWYD? My DH is going to knock on their door and personally invite their daughter to tea to avoid any misunderstanding over messages with no tone of voice. As far as I know from the teacher the girls are playing nicely together at school and are good friends.

OP posts:

SissySpacekAteMyHamster · 30/09/2019 13:23

I think you need to ask her what the problem is.

Confusedbeetle · 30/09/2019 13:23

Please dont make this a big issue . If the children play nicely together at school, let them alone. This is a problem of the mother, walk away or else it will grow and upset the children

Pixilicious · 30/09/2019 13:23

Can you just ask her? ‘Have I dine something to upset you?’ You are unreasonable to consider moving house and school
Though!

YouJustDoYou · 30/09/2019 13:24

Just ignore it. Carry on breezily saying hi, and leave it.

EssentialHummus · 30/09/2019 13:26

How weird. I’d invite whoever you want over together (maybe via Whatsapp?) and let her sort herself out. I can’t imagine what you’ve done.

I have a mum who blanks me on the playground - we had one conversation in which I made an effort to speak to her in her home language and since then I get glared at 🤷‍♀️.

EmeraldShamrock · 30/09/2019 13:27

I wouldn't ask her what the problem is.
I definitely would not be greeting her at the school, treat her like she treats you and completely ignore her.
You might find she tries to speak with you then, if you do make up keep her at arms length.
The DC will be fine. They'll play together and mix.
I wouldn't bring it to the teachers attention again, simply ignore then move on.

Original poster

Whydoesitalwaysrainatpickup · 30/09/2019 13:29

We live in a private cul-de-sac of 4 houses, it's felt so awkward walking out my front door, that's why I've considered moving.
Children currently play nicely, but I worry that she is trying to stop her child playing with my for whatever reason I'm not aware of, and that eventually her rudeness to me and refusal to say hello back to my daughter will cause upset as it has before. If my daughter hadn't been left upset my her previously ignoring her, and not letting her child play with mine in the playground I would probably just ignore it, but I am in fear everyday of her rudeness affecting my daughter. As previously couldn't get her to go into classroom after she was shunned by them in the playground

OP posts:

IsobelRae23 · 30/09/2019 13:30

Honestly stop thinking about moving homes or schools, as you will come across this again and possible again, you can’t keep moving! Just ask her ‘have I done something to upset you?’ You May have without realising, or you may find there has been a misunderstanding.

Original poster

Whydoesitalwaysrainatpickup · 30/09/2019 13:32

Seems a real split of reactions. Out right ask what's the problem or ignore!
I want to invite her daughter over for tea still as I thought it would be an indirect way of seeing if she has a problem, but I worry if she may turn nasty, as not only will it more uncomfortable in the playground, but at home too

OP posts:

justintimberlakesfishwife · 30/09/2019 13:33

If you were previously friendly, I'd send her a short text saying "can you let me know if I've done something to offend you, as I've noticed that you seem to have been blanking me, and Dd was upset when you stopped your dc playing with her the other day. If something has happened please let me know so we can sort it out"

EmeraldShamrock · 30/09/2019 13:34

You'll find you have the same experiences at most schools.
Unfortunately some parents have less maturity than the DC.
It is amazing when you take back control ignoring them how they suddenly change.
I dont get involved in DC squabbles unless they were serious, the girls probably had a squabble in preschool.

EmeraldShamrock · 30/09/2019 13:37

Still invite the child but don't go out of your way to pander to her sulky DM.
Keep it as school yard etiquette.

Original poster

Whydoesitalwaysrainatpickup · 30/09/2019 13:39

I know once her DC was playing dogs with my DC in nursery and she tried to tie something round my daughter's neck, but I've never said anything to her about it. It should me angry at that not her, unless maybe her DC got told off by nursery? Still nothing was said at the time so can't think that to be an issue.
Seems a lot of people say you always get this in the playground.....this is my eldest child so I'm new to the playground as a parent, and I have to say I feel like a child being bullied. I was not prepared for this. Why are people so horrible?! We are all in the same boat aren't we?

OP posts:

Veryouting123 · 30/09/2019 13:42

Moving is dramatic and not a very good lesson to teach your DC.

The sooner you force yourself to not give a shit, then the sooner you will actually not give a shit.

Honestly OP, is this silly situation really worth your time? Forget it.

Potnoodledoo · 30/09/2019 13:43

Invite the child and ignore the mother.Dont move ,otherwise you will be forever on Rightmove.

Dont let her get to you,just talk to the other parents when you are the school.And let the school sort out any squabbles that happen in school.

ChicCroissant · 30/09/2019 13:43

If you would not normally have the child over for tea I don't think this is the time to start. Have you ever had the child for tea in the past or has your DD been there?

Completely over the top to consider moving because of this! Does it really matter if she no longer wants to chat on the way to school? Having children in the same class or pre-school is not a guarantee of friendship, just a coincidence so don't put too much store on it and don't worry about it so much.

pepsirolla · 30/09/2019 13:44

I would try to catch her at school after the children are inside. Just ask " Are you ok?" If she still doesn't answer you could try one final time "only If there's a problem or misunderstanding can we sort it out? "
If she replies you can respond if she still blanks you just do same, then encourage your child to make lots of other friends too with playdates etc

GettingABitDesperateNow · 30/09/2019 13:45

They see each other every day in school. I dont think at this stage you need to invite her over for tea. The mum will either ignore the invite just as she ignores you at school or at best will make up an excuse. You cant force her daughter to be friends with yours. As far as your daughter goes, I'd actually focus on developing her other friendships so that when the girl does or says something nasty under the influence of the mums she will have other people to turn to.

If she wont even say hi, infront of other people, I doubt she will want to tell you what the reason for the fall out is. Are your husbands / partners friends and you could ask him to have a word? Or do you have any mutual friends?

Lastly, sorry if this isn't relevant, but does your daughter have any additional needs at all? There was a very similar thread on here where it seemed as though the mum didnt want her daughter associating with another who had recently been diagnosed with ASD, when she had previously been fine about it.

Lifeisabeach09 · 30/09/2019 13:47

School parents are funny fuckers!

I'd not bother engaging. Let the kids play at school or in the cul de sac but otherwise keep you distance from this woman.

You need to address your anxiety over this though--it's massively OTT to want to move just because another school mum isn't talking to you (even if she does live in the street!!)

Lifeisabeach09 · 30/09/2019 13:47

*the same street as you

Original poster

Whydoesitalwaysrainatpickup · 30/09/2019 13:47

I have very few friends where I live and all my family are 30 miles away, it's just a real kick in the teeth when one of the very few people I know in the playground won't even say hello. I find it so rude! I'd love to know why but I don't think I have the guts to out right ask, but I'm sick of feeling awkward, another parent asked me what the problem was with her and me when she saw her attitude towards me when I said morning....so maybe others will see it is her being rude not me?
I was hoping to get a bit of my life back and get a new job this year once DD started school but we had a surprise baby born earlier this year, which I am very lucky to have and very grateful for, but now dreading another 5 years of being at home and putting up with playground drama

OP posts:

Icantthinkofanewname87 · 30/09/2019 13:47

I mean this in the nicest way possible but have some dignity OP. She’s made it clear she doesn’t want a relationship and has been regularly publicly embarrassing you. Just let it go, move on and stop engaging with her! Don’t say hi and DEFINITELY don’t invite her over!!!

Original poster

Whydoesitalwaysrainatpickup · 30/09/2019 13:50

Believe you me Icantthinkofanewname87 I don't want anything to do with her after how she's behaved but I'm thinking of my DD, as her DD is her only friend from pre school and is all she talks about. My DD is autistic and struggles making relationships, that's why it's so upsetting for me

OP posts:

MissEliza · 30/09/2019 13:52

I have a friend who had a very similar situation with a neighbour of hers who had a dc in the same class as her dc. She made loads of effort but the woman acted like she had a smell under her nose. Fast forward ten years my friend has lots of school mum friends while this woman is in a clique of two! Her dd is exactly the same. Your neighbour will be the loser in the long run.

GettingABitDesperateNow · 30/09/2019 13:52

If I saw one person say hi and the other one blanked them then yes I would think the person doing the blanking was rude (unless the one saying hi had slept with her husband or some other massive backstory).

I would be careful if the daughter is playing with yours for example what are you going to do if they are in the street and they want to come into your house? I wouldn't trust the daughter saying her mum says yes as if she hasn't, that could cause things to escalate.

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