Am I overreacting about playground rudeness?

[Whydoesitalwaysrainatpickup]

DD recently started reception and only 3 children from same pre school are in same primary school. One being my neighbours daughter. No idea what I or my daughter are meant to have done but she has been blanking me and upset my daughter on one occasion as also ignores her, and keeps her daughter from talking to mine?!! It's making me feel really insecure and anxious at every drop off and pick up. Trying to avoid by getting there early, and when I do see her I always say hello, morning or whatever and smile but get absolutely nothing back and feel I look an idiot to anyone watching as she literally blanks me! We have never been best friends or anything but always chatted on way to/from pre school, in the street etc. Was going to invite her daughter and a couple of others round for tea one day after school this week to try and smooth things over, although assume she will say yes and make last minute excuse, or just say no. How will I know if she's genuinely got plans or just doesn't want to come? I don't want to cause even more friction or even an argument by out right asking what the hell her problem is, but this is affecting me so much I'm considering moving house and or changing schools. Although this is the school I wanted for my daughter, but if this continues its only a matter of time before she upsets my DD again. WWYD? My DH is going to knock on their door and personally invite their daughter to tea to avoid any misunderstanding over messages with no tone of voice. As far as I know from the teacher the girls are playing nicely together at school and are good friends.

In response to your post about dance class... I personally think it could be a good thing that she makes friends right children who to go other schools. I deliberately chose to do that so my DD has a friendship group independent of school. Gives her options in case of fallings our at school.

I think you need to ask. You know she's upset and yet you sent your dh over instead of just asking her yourself. And I do also find it weird you never told her you were pregnant.

Why did you send your DH over?

Are you sure that this is about you or something you've done? Perhaps she's suffering inside about something she can't express at all and doesn't want to talk to anyone about it. Could be infertility/ poorly parents/ marriage just anything. Is this even a vague possibility?

I had this once when my dd was at Primary.

I've always made friends with people quite easily through my life. I find it fairly easy to chat to most people. I'm friendly and pleasant without being loud and talk about myself too much.

I had a mum move in to my house next door (the owner had started renting it). I saw that someone had moved in and they had children. I put a 'Welcome to your new home' card through the door. The next day she called round, with her 2 girls to say thank you. Her girls were similar ages to my 2 (girl and boy) and had started at the same Primary. We had coffee, chatted for about an hour and half, the children played. All was nice - so I thought.

From that day on she completely blanked me. I would see her walking in with her girls and she would put her eyes down and scurry over the other side of the road. I called out 'Hello' a few times and got a blank. The girls would stare at us.

I never worked it out. It really confused me. I'd never had something like that happen before. After a while I just gathered she didn't like me and I got on with it. It went on for around 5 years....even into Secondary School years. She eventually moved when the house was sold.

Sometimes people are just plain weird.

OP, I would just wait and see what happens. I can almost guarantee you've done nothing. It's bloody weird.

I might be clutching at straws for you here but how is her daughter settling into school. Is she crying still when she goes in? Mine still does occasionally & shed year 4! It is utterly heartwrenching & Im usually very emotional too & just holding it together. I'd not make eye contact with people either.

Trouble is, people are perfectly capable of fixing you with an icy glare and spitting, "You know full well what you did!" then turning on their heel leaving you none the wiser.

And I do wonder, sometimes, if someone who behaves like this is experiencing coercive control or violence at home which makes them afraid of the consequences of making friends.

I think I'd scurry to and fro with my eyes on the ground if someone had warned me I'd pay for it later if I was seen chatting to other mums at the school gate. Until I got the courage to ltb of course.

I think it's probably not about you, or your DD, at all, OP

Haven't read through all the replies but I feel your pain. My children are all adults now but I do recall one woman with whom I was friends with suddenly blanked me (23 plus years ago!) At the time, it really hurt me and I worried about it, tried to figure out what my part in it was.
Turned out, I wasn't the only one she'd made friends with and then pushed them away. My sis in law does this and I had an email from her distraught bestie who'd been dumped. Anyway, now I'm older and I hope wiser if someone decides they don't want to talk to me, blank me, I'm ok with it. What genuinely goes through my head now is "well you're clearly having a shit day, glad I'm not you". You can't win them all, just keep sending her happy, loving vibes. Smile and say hello, if she doesn't respond, it's ok. You're probably in a long list of people who have fallen victim to her fickle ways. Develop an attitude where you really and truly don't give a stuff what she does or doesn't think about you and it'll start to show in the way you carry yourself. There's a great vid on YouTube, "How to stop caring what other people think of you". Actualized.org He's a lovely guy called Leo and his lessons have really helped a close family member. But please don't think about changing schools or moving, you're giving this person too much power. Listen to Leo and I'm sure it'll help you navigate your way through this painful time.

Thank you all, @biggles50 I think your right, she is just one of those people.
I don't think she is suffering in anyway at home, her partner is quite pleasant most of the time, they parent pretty much 50/50, she seems to have a good social life, always going away for weekends, goes to fitness classes, has eyelashes nails done etc. She chats to other mums and looks perfectly happy and normal until I say hello! Her DD is quite quiet but doesn't cry and happy to go to school so don't suspect any issues there causing distress at school for her. I text this evening to confirm still ok for tomorrow, got a reply eventually, and she seemed perfectly pleasant and normal, and has said she won't stay she'll just drop off and go....that's fine. I guess I just have to let it go and be happy the kids are happy

Definitely see it as a win that the children are happy & they get along... you don't need someone who is flaky in your life as a friend.