AIBU to ask why some people fail to make changes in their lives even when they know that those changes are necessary?

[AlexaShutUp]

I'm wondering why so many of us are unable to make the changes that we need to make in our lives, and what exactly differentiates those who are able to implement those changes from those who are not?

Is it a lack of willpower? Inertia? Habit? Resistance to change? Fear? Lack of motivation? Something else?

Why do people continue to eat crap even when they know what constitutes good nutrition? Why do people fail to exercise regularly when they know it's good for them? Why don't people smoke or drink too much when they are fully aware of the health risks? Why do they fail to tidy up their messy houses, even when the chaos is getting them down?

I am not judging anyone btw. I am very guilty of this kind of behaviour myself, and I guess that's why I'm asking the question? What is it that stops so many people from making the changes that they know they need to make? Why do some people not seem to struggle against those obstacles? And how can those of us who do struggle get past whatever it is that is stopping us?

Has anyone ever struggled to make changes but suddenly found a way to make it happen? If so, I'd love to know what changed for you in order to make this happen.

Some people are scared to make change - the fear of trying and failing can seem worse than ‘I could have...’

So you think fear of failure is the biggest hurdle, LordProf?

We humans are evolved to do what does us good in the short terms (eating this cake will make me happy!) rather than making decisions on the long term (eating this salad will help keep me healthy...).

It's actually quite difficult to go against our instincts! Not impossible though, I've found a bit of motivation, willpower and stubbornness has helped me form new habits that I know benefit me so it becomes second nature :)

Trying is the first step to failure- Homer

I think it is because some of the things we need to change are what we are addicted to.

My cousin had a heart attack this summer. She is still smoking.
One of my neighbours died of lung cancer this week. He was a heavy smoker.

Because human beings are animals, not machines.

Because we repeat the things that make us feel good, and find it hard to think beyond the short term in anything but a theoretical way.

Because we get addicted and our brains say do it again, do it again.

I wish I could stop eating crap and stop smoking. I've given up for years before and been very into fitness and nutrition so was slim.

I'm not sure how it all slipped back. I'm more tired from smoking and eating crap so don't have the same motivation for a healthy lifestyle like I did when I was on top of it all. I miss being slim and healthy, but I also like red wine and cheese 🤷‍♀️

It can be. I worked as a therapist and the excuses people would come up with to not help themselves! I think fear or failure was one reason - or they genuinely didn’t see the benefits of making a change.

Often it’s just a case of finding their ‘button’ - the thing that will make them stop and think. So maybe someone who needs to change their diet for health reasons may make the change if they think about being able to play football with their children/grandchildren, or being able to walk up stairs at work without puffing. With smokers I usually showed them a photo of a long time smoker with cats bum wrinkles around their mouth - that would work better than any black lung image.

We get tired and overwhelmed, then we reach for the things we know have made us happy (in the moment) before... the after affects are feeling tired, which makes tasks overwhelming....

Breaking that cycle takes a great deal of effort for many.

Why do people continue to eat crap even when they know what constitutes good nutrition? Why do people fail to exercise regularly when they know it's good for them? Why don't people smoke or drink too much when they are fully aware of the health risks? Why do they fail to tidy up their messy houses, even when the chaos is getting them down?

Mostly people plan to make the change but will start tomorrow or some future point. No one plans to eat crap long term. They’re just thinking about being hungry right now. I want to clean the house, yes. But I’m mumsnetting right now. I’ll do it later 😂

Because some people don't care

Life is short

It's nicer to live it having fun and suffer the consequences later

I'm not bothered about living til 90 to be honest

I am very guilty of this. I KNOW I need to lose weight, I have been told this by many health professionals. I am diabetic, so I KNOW I shouldn't eat sugar, and should cut down on the carbs. And I can do well at that for a few weeks at a time, but then I fall back into my unhealthy habits.

I have a very unhealthy relationship with food, and eat my negative emotions. I am aware of this, but it's significantly quicker to shovel a cake and chocolate down my throat when I'm stressed/down than it is to deal with those emotions in a healthier way. I should exercise more, but how do I fit it into a busy schedule? What gives? Work? Kids? Sleep? mn? If my schedule was quieter then I could fit in exercise at a time that works for me, but I'm busy, so I don't manage it as often as I should.

For me, time is the biggest obstacle. Then it's childcare commitments, as when I have time to do things I also have a child around who doesn't want to come out for a walk/run. Then I also find that I am not the most urgent matter that needs dealing with. So I plan lessons or mark books instead of exercising because those things need to be done by tomorrow, but the run/walk can be done another time. Or dd2 needs me to help her with her homework, so that takes priority over cooking a more nutritious meal, etc. The list is practically endless. It all comes back to there being too many things that need to be done and not enough time to do them all.

I also think that with things like diet the healthy alternatives are not that appealing to many people, and they have a developed a hard grained and difficult to break habit of eating the wrong things.

I love my food, but fortunately, I love vegetables and salad and would much prefer salad with my lasagane than chips, but not everyone is like me.

Really interesting thread OP. I know there are some changes I need to make in my career and I seem unable to move forward. I'm really lacking will power but I don't know why, when I think of the outcome I get excited. Yet in the past I've made much bigger changes with very little effort. I don't know what the difference is now...

Sometimes just can’t at the time.

I had an ED for a long time, there was nothing I could have done to make it any better for a long time.

It also depends on the outcome. I workout everyday, not because it’s good for my physical health, but because it makes me look good.

I eat a certain diet, it is very healthy and about 3,000 calories a day, but the reason I do it is to keep my body fat below 12% so my abs are visible. It being ideal for my type one diabetes is a secondary factor.

My diet and exercise was also vital for my rugby career until recently.

I smoke, I know it’s bad for me, but I love it, it’s one of my favourite things to do. When my son is in bed I’ll be sat on the balcony with a fag and a vodka and coke, the perfect combination.

Read an interesting article this morning talking about needing positive motivation to sustain life changes.

Eg if you find a kind of exercise that you genuinely enjoy you'll stick with it, whereas if you hate running it does not matter how much you know it's good for you you won't stick to it.

So probably worth starting with what do I enjoy and how can I make them part of our positive changes?

We've recently started exercising more as a family and it's working so far because it turns out to be a great way to spend more time together.

Interesting, Slow. I think habits may be a key part of the issue. Still, not easy to form those new habits....

Breaking that cycle takes a great deal of effort for many.

That's very true, shockers. Perhaps that's the problem.

Yes May, I'm definitely guilty of thinking that I'll make changes tomorrow.

Apt timing for such a thread, from my pov anyway.

My life has undergone a massive change. It's all good but it's all so different, with only a small percentage of what it used to be. To get it all going means I have to shift m'butt in a number of areas. I'm perfectly capable if all of it, with bells on indeed, but I've been doing a grand impression of a rabbit in headlights.

As someone said up thread, once started and done a few times it'll become the norm. I know I'll feel good once into it all, no matter what's thrown up, it's just getting that breakthrough brain moment.

Hmm. I tell myself that it's about time MsAwesome, but deep down, I think that's just an excuse in my case. Not commenting on anyone else's situation.

It is an interesting topic. I've seen it described as having to attach more pain to the old habit than the new. Also people with this tendency often don't think ahead so what seems an obvious consequence of their actions doesn't seem to trouble them at all.

I am watching someone I know get really frustrated at the moment, but she's brought it all on herself because of her earlier choices. If I knew I wanted to do something further down the line, I wouldn't take actions that I knew would jeopordise it quite so much. It is everyone else's fault as well, not hers Perhaps it is partly a lack of ownership of their own actions and the effort involved in changing things.

As I said, it is interesting - I think most people would make a change if they were really unhappy, so it does make you wonder why some people complain about something yet don't do anything about it.

Dillydallying, that's interesting that you used to be able to make changes but now you're struggling. I wonder what's different?

I think I've gone through my whole life struggling with stuff like this.

Sushigo, that makes sense. Maybe it's about finding a way to make changes more appealing then.

Denial was a big thing for me along with habit and not really caring about myself. I knew all the facts about smoking but there was a disconnect in my brain between smoking and the probable consequences. Only when I was pregnant were the effects immediate and affecting someone else.