To want to call the Police on DH??

[NoPatienceNow]

I am feeling so down. I have had a really tough year, DH is emotionally abusive. I am pre-menstrual and therefore a bit emotional etc anyway. DH cannot discuss anything without getting and get and losing his temper. Today he had wanted to use my car. I just said no as I need it. Of course he didn’t accept this so went on and on, which is what often happens, but he won’t usually take the car unless I say it is ok. Today he just took the car. I told him I will call the police. He said “If you call the Police, you will have taken this relationship to another level”. I said he already had done that by taking the car. I then hung up and didn’t answer when he called back.

I don’t think I even have the guts to call the police but I am tempted. I don’t think they would do anything as he is my husband and he is on the insurance, although I now plan to take him off. I’m not sure I would even go through with doing that! He comes home and is nice to me for half an hour and somehow convinces me everything is ok! I’m such an idiot.

The car thing is a long running argument and has been going on for about two years. He won’t buy a car and if I don’t let him take mine then he tells me I’m being an unreasonable bitch. Today while he was carrying on, before taking the car, he was stomping around downstairs saying “You look like a witch, you smell like a witch and you act like a witch”. I missed much of what he said as I put my fingers in my ears when he is shouting and swearing at me but he happily confirmed to me after that this what he’d said.

I have pointed out that if I am so U about car then surely he would just make other arrangements. He said he is sick of having to “beg” for it. I said discussing it isn’t the same as him begging. But he also doesn’t get to just announce he is taking it without considering me.

I am so fed up.

When he gets back, jump in the car and fuck off. Kids involved?

Leave. There is no joy in a prick like that.

He sounds hideous. He’s taken your car without consent.

You do not deserve to be spoken to or treated the way he’s doing to you.

Give yourself the respect and love you deserve. Call the police. Leave him. Be happy

Your relationship is toxic. Your relationship problems do not currently contain anything which the police could do anything to resolve.

What does a witch smell like?

I wouldn't want to be with someone who couldn't control their temper.

Don't waste police time and stop wasting your own. I sincerely hope you don't have kids to bear witness to this fuckup of a "relationship".

Ffs, just leave him already. What a miserable existence you have. Why are you staying with him?

Personally I wouldn't waste the police's time with my husband using my car (no intent to permanently deprive so not theft) what I would do is look to tackle what are obviously far deeper rooted issues within the marriage and either prepare to work on compromises or plan to exit the marriage. If their are other issues of abuse or coercive control perhaps report those matters to the police.

We don’t have any living children together.

He has a temper and an anger problem. He is a taker. He is selfish. He is nasty. I feel shit and he seems to not care at all about my feelings.

But then we have a good day and I think it’s not so bad!

I wasn’t just talking to a friend and she said I need to toughen up and be more like him - be selfish and don’t do anything for him. Take him off the insurance. I just don’t have the energy.

He sounds horrible and you need to leave. Do you have family or friends who you could stay with?

One word of warning though is that if you do stay with him DON'T take him off your insurance. He will take the car anyway - he sounds enough of a dick to - and then you just won't have full cover if he crashes it.

Obviously the best thing to do WOULD be to leave though. You deserve so much better than this.

My partner sometimes asks can he take my car as it's much more comfortable than his. If I say no, he says okay, and then gives me a kiss and says love you, see you later. No drama. This is what it should be like.

What. The. Hell.

Do you have children? You are worth so much more. I know we're all strangers online, and you dont have to listen to any one of us, but that is really not normal. It's really not. You need to leave.

Please make plans to leave. You sound so down and he sounds bloody awful.

Your life could be so much better

Leave. He is not worth putting yourself through this.

I wouldn't waste police time with this, especially if he's insured on it. However, relationship sounds toxic & you seem unhappy so would recommend either relationship counseling or leaving altogether. Good luck x

What do the police do about abuse if not obvious / physical? He is so good at playing the martyr. I even called my mum the other night to talk and she came over, brought my dad, and he seemed like the perfect son in law, brought up any remotely negative thing I had ever said or done and by the end they were telling me I need to do more for him and my mum was shutting me up to let him speak! Usually I don’t get to talk. If he doesn’t like what I’m saying he talks over me or walks out of the room but then comes back when he is ready to talk again. It is literally a cycle of him walking in and talking and then leaving while I’m talking and then coming back and talking again when he’s going something to say. I hate it.

I don’t feel strong enough to leave but if he left I think that would be for the best. Be won’t fucking go though!

I have enough crap to deal with and a stressful job without the constant stress at home.

You don’t need the police. They won’t rescue you and make him behave. You need to leave this horrific relationship. You need to rescue yourself.

One word of warning though is that if you do stay with him DON'T take him off your insurance. He will take the car anyway - he sounds enough of a dick to - and then you just won't have full cover if he crashes it.

Well I could tell him he is not insured? I don’t know how to stop this from happening again. I think a big part of the problem is that there are no consequences to these things he does. He can literally scream and shout at me and throw the car keys at me and then the next day he’ll say he wants the car and create a fuss until I back down and say ok.

He used to be like this when he had his own car. My car was nicer than his etc and he used to create a fuss about taking mine. If I said no he’d make a big deal and then I’d end up saying ok to avoid it.

I just feel really worn down.

It’s not that there is no good in the relationship but I know this is not normal. He doesn’t seem to get that. I’m not sure how to make things better.

You both sound like you don’t like each other and are making each other miserable. Many couples manage to share a car without name calling and fits of rage. I think you should leave him if he is making you as miserable as this post says. Good luck OP

I agree with other PP, Op, the problem is not the car, and the police cannot solve this for you.

I strongly disagree with your friend: upping the level of aggression and passive aggression will not cure him and will not give you a happy life.

You need to be not living with a man who treats you like this.

You say no kids together? Do you have kids? You especially do not need your kids to be in a household like this.

I am sorry for the loss you have experienced . Going through something traumatic with someone can sometimes make you feel bound to them.

Freedom Programme?
Counselling for ongoing grief?
If you are feeling vulnerable and therefore harder to leave him?

You are precious, OP, treat yourself with care and love and don’t stand yourself up in a skittle alley of abuse and anger.

The only thing that will make it better is you leaving. He knows it isn't normal. He knows that he is abusing you and he doesn't care. He will not change.

@NoPatienceNow You know him better than me obviously, I just think if he's as much of an idiot as he sounds, he won't care whether he's insured or not (and he'll never get pulled for it, as it'll come up as "insured" on any database).

Good god it sounds totally unhealthy on every level. If no kids involved, why on earth would you stay?

I don’t know how to stop this from happening again.

Keep the keys on you all the time.

Why don't you ask him why he wants to stay in this relationship? Because if he really thinks you are a witch it seems peculiar to want to stay married to a witch, doesn't it?

So best for you both to just part ways. It's not his decision if you stay as a couple or not. If you don't want to be with him, just don't be with him. Nothing wrong with that!

He has an older DC and we lost our only DC that we had together recently. So tensions and emotions are high. But he was like this before.

I do feel he’s getting better generally in some ways but than in others he isn’t e.g. the fact that things escalated today to him simply taking the car without my agreement.

Sometimes I feel like the obvious thing is to leave but then other times I think things are ok and we do love one another. Everyone tells me “he obviously adores you” but I only feel this about half the time. I honestly thing there’s something wrong with him like a personality disorder as I find it difficult to comprehend how and why he behaves as he does.