To think not everyone wants to live a long time?

[jennymanara]

I am friends with someone who works in health education and we have talked about this. She thinks that anyone who is not very depressed wants to live a long time, and all they need is to know how to do this.

I think a lot of people actually do not want to live a long time. Even for many physically healthy people very old age can be a harsh time. Many people are very lonely, constant bereavements is an ordinary part of the territory, and seeing loved ones die from painful illnesses is tough.

I wouldn't mind living a long time if I'm fit and well enough to enjoy it.
My grandma lived till 92. She actually would have preferred not living so long as the last decade of her life was spent needing lots of care and regular hospital stays for pneumonia. Every time she went in we all thought she wouldn't be coming out, but she did. In the end she had heart failure in her sleep.
She wasn't miserable per say, just very bored as she still had the majority of her marbles, but the amount of physical care she needed meant she ended up in a home with lots of people with advanced dementia.
I also saw my grandfather (other set of gp's) slowly vanish away with Parkinson's. He didn't know who anyone was after a while. It was just so sad.
As for me - I'm not 40 yet and I have fibromyalgia which is slowly worsening. My quality of life has already significantly dropped and it's bloody depressing. I don't want to carry on like this until I'm 90.

I think Netflix etc will be my saviour in retirement 🙈

I wouldn’t mind dying now. I have parents I’m close to but not other close family. My disability (ASD) has meant I have no close friends. Lots of family but abroad. Due to physical disability I will need support but don’t think I’ll have the ability to advocate for myself. (I was adult when diagnosed and had no social support/learn to make friends. I know things are different for each person with ASD).

I would go for assisted dying, maybe at the point my parents are both dead.

Everyone I know who is elderly has reached the stage where they want to die

I think it all depends on the individual's circumstances and in particular whether or not they have autonomy and independence.

My mother, for example, is in her 90s and most definitely does not want to die! She enjoys her life. She lives independently in her own home, in the town she has lived in for over 40 years. She needs a little help with the things she can no longer do, mainly shopping, gardening and cleaning. Other than that, she manages just fine on her own.

However, I know that she would absolutely hate to have to go into a care home. It's what motivates her to keep doing things for herself. If she became ill and went into a home, I'm pretty sure that it would literally be the death of her. She wouldn't want to carry on in those circumstances and, I have to say, I don't blame her: I wouldn't either!

YANBU! Working as a care worker, I have seen the worst side of old age. I have lost count of the amount of my customers who tell me they want to die. It's heartbreaking.

My dad is dying aged 88. His life was shrinking but still pretty reasonable (independent, living with partner, pursuing cerebral interests, going to the pub) until 5 weeks ago. He should be dead within 3 weeks. Not bad.

My advanced directive is pretty detailed and hardcore. Once my ds is properly launched in life, I am done and any chance I get to die, it requires the doctors not to treat me.

DM is in her early 80s and widowed. She desperately wants not to carry on living, she's had enough.

My advanced directive is pretty detailed and hardcore

When I registered mine, my GP said that most of the doctors at the practice had completed one for themselves. More people should do it

compassionindying.org.uk/library/advance-decision-pack/

YANBU.

Lots of elderly people die very soon after their partner dies. If you have had a happy marriage, I can't imagine carrying on say at 80 alone after being married for 50 or 60 years. It must be so hard emotionally.

Not keen on a long life myself..Am.not very good at it really, am quite happy to bow out early as long as my kids are alright. I really want them to get to adulthood first. Maybe like a pp mentioned it would be different when actually faced with it though. I don't know.

I'm 60 and thought that was old until I got here. I'm still me. More wobbles and wrinkles, but me. Same wishes and dreams and plans to carry out. I would be very sad to go before I get to retire, to finally have time. To spend as I wish, not to have to work. I've saved and planned, and definitely want to get there. Two more years!

On the other hand, I've lost my parents and my best friend, so feel like it would be wonderful to see them again (I'm not the least bit religious, but cling to this idea, oddly) and DC and DGSs would have an inheritance if both DH and I went together, instead of living long enough to spend it all. That would be horrible.

My ideal would be that we both go together in about 15 years. Maybe 20. Unlikely, but would be the best end.

I remember watching an episode of GP’s behind closed doors & a man genuinely said, despite having children & grandchildren he would rather keep smoking and shorten his life - he has done everything he wanted to. My mother in law is similar - she spends her days watching tv, smoking & drinking. She has said that when she “goes” she hopes it’s not drawn out as she has over indulged all her life! Not sure what you can do when faced with attitudes like these!

I don't actively want to die aged 65 but I don't want to see 80. I need to take the chances I get before that, which may mean losing a few years in order to avoid the sort of final years nightmare I see every day working in a hospital. (I don't think other people should think of their lives as a nightmare. I'm talking about what I feel for myself).

Not sure what you can do with attitudes like these!

Workerbeee, that implies you think they are wrong? Surely reading this thread tells you that many others agree with them?

I'm 64 and have advocated for assisted suicide and dignity in dying since my teens, amplified when I did my nurse training and though I am still happy and healthy at the moment I still believe in it. 25 years ago I was depressed and it was only my children (then teens) that stopped me taking my own life.

Am I glad I didn't do it - Only for their benefit. If it had happened I wouldn't be here to worry about it and my kids would be used to life without me. No grandchildren.

So long as I am healthy then I'm fine to keep going but I'm not really fussed. Although I am relatively fit and regularly walk 4 or 5 miles, that is much less than I was doing 10 years ago so I am under no illusions that being healthy at 75 is the same as being healthy at 65 and quite probably the rate of deterioration will speed up.

I hope I am aware enough to do what needs to be done whilst I'm still capable. Not walking off a cliff though. I don't fancy the seconds of pure terror whilst falling and I certainly don't want someone to have to scrape me up off the rocks. Nothing messy for me.

@Workerbeee tons of people think like this. It’s interesting. I don’t smoke or drink but I do eat a lot more sugar than I should and don’t exercise as much as I should. Why don’t I take more care of myself? I guess I just don’t enjoy my life otherwise. I could take up running marathons or exercising xx amount of times a week and the amount it might add to my life might be lost in the boredom of the time I’ve spent doing it! I think at the end of the day there are no guarantees in life, some people who smoke and drink reach 80 with the body of a 50 year old (like my dad, who’s never been to a doctor for anything more than an ingrown toenail) and on the other hand athletes drop down dead during races. Extremes of course but I do think there’s very little we actually understand about how to live a long and healthy life, it’s not as cut and dry as the media and nhs etc have us believe.

I wouldn't like it to become more than 60yr. I'm in my early 30s now, so I would like to see at least one grandchild before I pass. I want a good death, I have no idead what a good death is. But I would like that. Short illness maximum a week and then gone. But not before saying good bye to my sons and making peace with people I would leave behind.

I'm not married, no partner, no children, no siblings. Once my parents have gone, I have very few people in my life outside work. I'm not well off, have a tiny pension. I do not want to be living a life where nobody cares and the only people I speak to are carers who nip in for 5 minutes at a time. I can honestly see me ending my own life in my 60s or whatever, once my parents have gone and when I can't do the things that make life enjoyable.

My family members have mostly lived into their nineties and hundreds. They have had very full and active lives, and have friends and family members of all different ages.

They don’t generally hang around with a ‘peer group’ of other people in their nineties, so don’t spend a lot of time watching their friends die!

I would be thrilled to live to a hundred. Think of all the new films, books, places to go, new great grandchildren, new friends, new experiences.

@Endofthedays that's great, if you have enough money and health to enjoy them.

I'm not depressed and I think age 80 is long enough on the planet I don't want to go much longer than that! Doesn't mean I'm depressed

I’m surprised so many people are thinking of ending it in their 60s! That’s not even old!

The reality is you will probably get one illness after another and end up being cared for by the people you weren’t bothered enough to hang around for.

There isn’t a perfect answer of course - and I would certainly rather have a short stay in Switzerland then having my arse wiped by anyone!

Shiny, my family members are working class, but that of course is a very different thing from being poor, and I can see that an elderly life lived in poverty is horrendous.