To think not everyone wants to live a long time?

[jennymanara]

I am friends with someone who works in health education and we have talked about this. She thinks that anyone who is not very depressed wants to live a long time, and all they need is to know how to do this.

I think a lot of people actually do not want to live a long time. Even for many physically healthy people very old age can be a harsh time. Many people are very lonely, constant bereavements is an ordinary part of the territory, and seeing loved ones die from painful illnesses is tough.

I want to live as long as possible and I am terrified of dying. I have a disabled child and I am terrified of leaving him. No one will love him the way I do. Sad but true.

I have chronic health problems and everyday is a blessing to me even though I am riddled with illnesses and in constant pain. I just never want to leave my children, especially my son.

I am well aware that people as they get iller or more disabled change their idea of what is worth living for.
But I do not want all my peers - friends, relatives and DP to all die before me. That is a lonely place to be.

@Missingsandraohingreys It surprises me that you say that. Everyone I know who is elderly has reached the stage where they want to die.

I wouldn't want to be lonely and unwell living in a care home, sitting in a chair all day going nowhere.
If I were to be elderly and still active and reasonably sharp of mind, then yes I'd like to keep going.
As the saying goes :
It's better to die a day too early rather than a day to late .

I think around 80 and in good health until a short illness would be my ideal. Similar to one of my grandparents. He was well, still driving, physically able, collapsed out shopping one day. It was brain cancer and he died a few weeks later. Those last few weeks were really unpleasant but gave everyone a chance to say their goodbyes.

Two of my other grandparents went in their 90s. Their quality of life in those last few years was not good at all. The fourth grandparent went in his 60s - way too early.

So I agree OP. I want a fairly long life, but getting to 100 is not something I am interested in.

My great aunt is nearly 100 and she's been a widow for 60 years. She would happily have died about 60 years ago.

Having spent 30 years nursing elderly people, I can definitely say that I don't want to survive into old age.

I definitely don't want a long time of ill health, whether mental or physical. But I also don't want a long time of retirement, trying to fill up the days and eke out the pension. I'm not afraid of being dead, though I am a little bit afraid of the process of dying. I am definitely afraid of a long old age.

I don’t want to require any sort of care. Even if not residential. If I can’t be completely independent, even if that just means I can no longer drive myself around, I’m done.

If I thought I’d have the sort of comfortable retirement my inlaws have, multiple cruises every year etc, I might feel differently, but we’ll be lucky if we ever get to fully retire. I don’t want to be slaving away until I’m well into my 70s and then have a frugal life with not enough money to do anything nice after 50+ years of working.

I’ve known too many elderly people who have retired with really decent pensions but were plagued with ill health and ended up in residential care. And I’ve seen too many people develop dementia. I don’t want that. I’d much rather go in my 40s than live to 80 but be unable to look after myself.

Ive never really wanted to live past 60

Bloody hell, I am 62 next birthday and don't feel any different to when I was 30!

I have no debilitating conditions, and hope to go on for at least another 20 years (actually would love to reach 100) as long as I am not just slumped in a chair drooling

Everybody is different and everybody has had different life experiences, which influence their feelings.

There does seem a distinct line here between posters who've experienced/witnessed suffering and trauma compared to those who haven't.

I think the thing is nobody really know how they’ll feel until they get there.

My mum spent most of her adult life saying she wanted to die / why did she wake up again etc etc - she had severe depression and chronic health problems and many times had planned to take overdoses etc. When she was given a diagnosis of terminal bowel cancer aged 70 she wanted nothing more than to live. She even ended up pleading to go into hospice care rather than stay at home which is something she always swore she would rather die than do.

She passed away 6 weeks after her diagnosis of bowel cancer (in March this year) and cling on to life with every fibre of her being, which was very odd for me to witness considering she spent every single day of my life as I knew it wanting to die and saying how horrendous life was.

The will to live is very strong.

My grandma always tells me the story of her mother who woke up one morning, had a cup of tea with a drop of whiskey in (in bed) then closed her eyes and died. 'What a wonderful way to go' she always says. She's now 93, in a care home and I expect wishing she had gone the same way a few years back. I'm definitely having a suicide plan in place for if/when I need it.

Nope, the elderly want to live just as long as the young do - they are NOT different

I looked after a lady in her 90's - she lived in sheltered housing, was able to get out and about, feed herself fine, go to the loo, wash herself etc. She had family visits on a frequent basis. Yet she would say to me every time I saw her - I wish I hadn't woken up today. She was just tired of life.

My Dad took his life when he was 38 - I suspect he was tired of life too.

We may be tired of life at any age. We are all different.

Perhaps death isn't the issue anyway - perhaps its more about whether we would choose to live in daily pain, (emotional or physical) do we want to live with a loss of independence - how much would be ok - how much wouldn't?

Life & death can change in a moment. Its important to let your family know your wishes in case their choices are at odds to yours because sometimes we don't even get to choose.

I'm planning on 70 to 75, no pension and I'm not going to pay into one either. I'm planning to downsize at 65 then live to 75 max.

A nice day out with my favourite food picnic and my favourite music to a beautiful seaside. Then walk off a cliff.

My kids might need me especially asd daughter but I have the next 30 to 35 years to prepare her and they will have each other.

If nothing in my life has changed in the next 30 years then yes this is my definite course of action.

My parents are both in their late 70,s my Dad is fit and healthy but my mum has complex medical conditions and recently had a stroke ,she doesn't want to die just yet though ,she's doing quite well under the stroke team and had regained some independence ,

She was just tired of life

This is what I wanted to say. I work with those with ill heath and disabilities for whatever reason and I come across this sentiment a bit. It is perhaps not an active 'I wish I was dead' line of thought but more that life was all just too much, too consuming and didn't particularly seem purposeful.

I also see a lot of people with sadness that they had a wonderful retirement planned out but ill health put a stop to it almost immediately.

It depends on what kind of life you're living. Mine is crap, lonely, full of stress, memories of abuse, can't afford to get the bus into town never mind a holiday or a car or a mortgage but I'm here for my boys because I'm all they have.

I reckon 85 would be plenty tbh.

YANBU. My retirement age is 68, I'd like to think I'll have squirrelled away enough cash to have 10ish fairly fun years, a few holidays here and there, welcome a few grandchildren, downsize and gift some cash to my children when they'll need it.

The thought of of have thirty years post retirement to fund is scary, the idea of loosing my sense of self and requiring full time care is terrifying.

I am getting on in age, have a very full happy family life, but have no desire to live until I am ancient, getting old is no fun, calendar full of blood tests, gp appts, hospital visits etc., and the only topic among my peers are their health! Don't want to be a burden on kids either.

I’m 50. Single and no kids, no siblings.

I have great friends but wouldn’t dream of expecting them to support me.

I’m a believer of a dignified, supported suicide for those who want it in old age (but accept the definitions of old age vary and it’s a legal quagmire).

I wouldn't want to watch my own children die of old age

I agree, outliving ones adult children must be a painful emotional experience.

DH's aunt outlived two of her 3 children. They both died from cancer in their 50s and 60s.

Living to a ripe old age is great is you have good health and sufficient finances to maintain a good standard of living. I suspect many people will have insufficient funds in future years and doubt that the old age pension and NHS will continue as they are at present.

I support assisted dying and also have registered an advanced directive to refuse treatment with my doctor if I lose capacity.

flirtygirl you might find that in 30 years' time you don't feel any older than you do today and you are still able to do all of the things you can do now. Perhaps you might change your mind at that time - when you realise that, for many (me included!) 60 feels much the same as 30!