To think that single parents are often given sympathy when it's not needed.

[Mamabear144]

As a single parent I genuinely think people feel sorry for us which is so unnecessary. It makes sense if the person had a partner and then had to adjust but when you are a single parent from day one it's all you know in the life of parenthood.
Personally I have had people ask how I do it and not have breaks and not go out but I see it as I get to give my ds double the love, double the attention, double the fun and I get double the hugs and kisses.
Sometimes we don't have the time or energy to do things but that's probably every parent at some point in time.
Would love to hear everyone's opinions?

I have often felt very sorry for myself does that count?

I don’t know how old your DC are but mine are now 15 and 17 and I have been alone for 12 years with a pretty useless ex. Not met anyone new and had to turn down a lot of opportunities due to no help etc. I worked a 14 hour day yesterday, then still had to come home and do everything what needs doing and I am the only person responsible for it all

I don’t want anyone to feel sorry for me but I also don’t think you can ever compare it to parenting in a partnership or marriage. It is nothing like it

I guess if you come from a ttwo parent family and you know haow hard it is with two, people may think wow how do you manage with 1 parent? But unwanted sympathy can be condescending.And a happy single parent is be better then a misrable 2 parent family.

I don't get sympathy. I get a lot of "oh, I known how you feel. My husband sometimes works until 8 or 9pm and I feel like a single parent on those days. It's so so hard, but we just get through it, don't we? But I understand, it's the exact same for me".

And I usually want to punch them in the face

I've been on my own for 17 years and I don't think I've ever had any sympathy or help or anything

I do often feel sorry for myself though

Everyone's lives are different...I'm not a single parent but know several.

One woman I know has a great life...the father has the kids half the time. She gets to have loads of nights out and childfree holidays.

Another I know has a similar set up plus lots of grandparents help...she has a fairly easy time.

I also know a widowed parent with no family help bringing up 4 kids alone...must be absolutely relentless.

No support is the thing.

Two parents, big wider family, money for bought care = easier. One parent, no family, no money = harder.

I also know a married woman who describes herself as a single mum as she often has to take her children on luxury holidays by herself because her wealthy husband is busy working

I'm not sure why you are posting? If you dont "need" sympathy that's great, but why generalise that to others?

I don’t mean to consdescend but I absolutely think single parents deserve respect and yes, sympathy. For all the bits that must be so hard. For that having to come home late from work and still do everything, for when a small child is ill and can’t be left, for when you’re ill and still looking after children, for doing every night wake up and always always being 100% responsible. That sounds bloody hard.

@PookieDo you are definitely allowed to feel sorry for yourself.
@june2007 I agree.
@VaggieMight I don't mind people having respect, I have respect for every parent who lifts their weight with their child, single or not. I've just got the "oh I feel sorry for you" quite a lot.

Being a single parent was ace compared to being with my twat of an ex husband. No sympathy needed. I suited myself and DS and we were in control of our finances and decisions. It was a good time.

Sometimes it’s the really small things you take for granted when there are 2 parents that you never even realise until you have to do it alone. 2 kids with D&V in the middle of the night has been the worst
I also usually need to be in 3 places at once nearly all of the time and there is never anyone to help take up that slack, not even once

@timeisnotaline I agree that it can be hard but I think every parent deserves the same amount of respect and or sympathy as each other, well every parent that pulls their weight. Single or not we all make sacrifices and it just becomes a normality. If that makes sense.
@MrsDimmond I was curious as to what others thought, if others felt they needed the sympathy or if it bugged other people too or even how parents in a relationship felt about it.

Well no-one needs sympathy. It serves no useful purpose.

I’m a single parent. Some of it’s easier on my own. Some of it’s harder. I don’t need sympathy nor a round of applause. Just like I don’t need the lazy prejudices and judgement my parenting status attracts.

I mean what am I going to do with sympathy? “Aww thanks very much, i’ll Trade it in for an hour of childcare at the afterschool club next week so I can get my smear test done in relative peace”

Like loads and loads of us, I was brought up by a very hard working single parent.

All parents can be fantastic role models of course for an endless number of reasons but I will always be in awe of my mum's self reliance, independence and strength. However annoying she can be...

timeisnotaline
You have summed it up well.
Mamabear144 I can honestly say I have never had anyone say " I feel sorry for you" and I have been a single parent since day 1 and dd will be 15 in a matter of days.

But people have understood how tough it has been at times and having them acknowledge that has been good. Not random pity, just a bit of understanding.

The early years were in fact the easiest in many ways. But as with all things to do with parenting, there are so many factors in play at any one time.

I’m not a single parent and I don’t feel sorry for single parents, unless they’re struggling, and then it’s just in the same way that I’d feel sympathy for any struggling parent. However, I think I get what you mean. Without going into detail, it emerged that a family member views me with sympathy because I can’t have kids naturally. I love my life and my kids (even though I didn’t give birth to them). I don’t want / need / deserve sympathy. So I think I can empathise with how you feel.

Weird as ive experienced the total opposite! I feel very judged as a single mum, looked down on, seen as scum, I still think there is a massive stigma. I feel judged in the same way I wouldn’t be if I had a partner. I also have little to no sympathy off family. I feel sorry for myself fwiw. I’m a single mum to 4 all under 8, 2 with autism and no father on the scene as he walked away almost 3 years ago, I don’t know myself how I cope. Family don’t help as “I chose to have them” some days I just want to give up or go to sleep and not wake up. I certainly don’t get any sympathy, sympathy would be better than the constant judgement.

Everyone's situation is different. Some single parents may have a set up which makes it easier than in two parent families. Some two parent families involve long working hours, working away, other caring responsibilities etc. You just don't really know.

I think most parents find it hard going and are in awe of people they think have it even harder for whatever reason. Some people are a bit snippy about others though which is already coming across on this thread.

YANBU.
As a single parent, my life is peachy compared to some two-parent families. Sympathy definitely not needed.

No one wants or needs pity!

Out of interest how old is/ are your dc Mamabear144

I’m an SP and I don’t feel like this is a useful question. I can’t be bothered to answer it - I’m too busy with getting on with the job of being a parent.