To think that single parents are often given sympathy when it's not needed.

[Mamabear144]

As a single parent I genuinely think people feel sorry for us which is so unnecessary. It makes sense if the person had a partner and then had to adjust but when you are a single parent from day one it's all you know in the life of parenthood.
Personally I have had people ask how I do it and not have breaks and not go out but I see it as I get to give my ds double the love, double the attention, double the fun and I get double the hugs and kisses.
Sometimes we don't have the time or energy to do things but that's probably every parent at some point in time.
Would love to hear everyone's opinions?

I agree. OP. I am a single parent, work part time and claim tax credits, and although it would be nice to be in love and everything be wonderful , on the other hand I don't have a deadbeat ex dragging me down. At the moment life is good and a lot easier, actual ly, and fulfilling than before I had DD. I know it's not like that for everyone though.

@TheKarateKitty, haha. I did not! I'll try that next time. I was completely dumbfounded by the attack dressed in humour so laughed it off.

It massively depends on the situation. I know a single mum who lives in the same village as her parents who are retired, in excellent health and happy to help with her kids 24-7. The kids' dad isn't nearby but is involved and helpful I don't feel sorry for her at all she has more help than most married parents. If a woman is raising kids totally alone with no one to lean on when she's ill or has a big workload etc then I think it would be incredibly tough.

How old are you OP? You sound young and that the people who give you sympathy are school friends who are studying and partying and feel sorry for you for not having the freedom to party like they do.

I wouldn't feel sympathy towards a single parent still living at home, not working and a mother very hands on.

Like Natasha said, try living on your own, working, supporting yourself and your child on your own, you might be in a better position to understand why some single mums do deserve an award.

Tbh an 18mo old was easy to lone parent, I had two and family support and it wasn't a problem.
I'm a decade in and it's much harder now, a decade of lost sleep and stress has snowballed. I'm hanging in until 2026 when both should be at Uni and I'll get a break.
I don't think anyone has ever been shitty to me though. I seem to be the organised parent who other people check things with .

The OP sounds like she’s about 16 playing at being an adult. She doesn’t seem to have any responsibilities or ambitions in life and just gets to look after one toddler. Of course life is easy in that situation.

Natasha’s post above is so true. The OP needs to spend some time actually being an adult single parent before she can properly comment.

I get sympathy comments from some women and I often want to reply 'yes i am really tired but hey I don't have to live with your husband 😂'

I'm 52 and a single parent of a nearly 11 yr old for 7 and a half years. I've always worked ft. No family support or maintenance. My wage is average and I rent in a very high rent area, by choice because the local secondary school is Outstanding. I have very little disposable income and some months I don't have enough money.
But I'm doing my best to show my child that there are opportunities out there and that they should be grabbed whenever possible

@Bartlet I'm 21, I left college because of a heart condition under investigation so I put it on hold. Got into an emotionally abusing relationship. Ended up pregnant. I had enough and chose to do it alone. I'm a single mother by choice yes. I don't live at home by choice, I live at home as I'm only recently medicated for my heart which I still can't work with but I do have ambitions, I have done a year on an accounting course and plan to continue that when ds is in preschool but until then I cant afford it. I pay my mother rent. I do the weekly shop or the house and help out with the bills that I can. Any spare money I have I try to save for christmas, birthdays etc. Just because I'm young doesn't mean I have no ambitions and want to sit at home all day. I would love to work and I would love to get a degree and make a good life for us but unfortunately health and finances get in the way sometimes.

This post was me being curious as to whether other people felt the same as me and to see people's opinions. Not to be called naive, I respect everybody's opinion and wanted to find out some of the reasons people have sympathy or don't have sympathy and if others appreciated the sympathy or didn't.

I was by myself from the day I found out I was pregnant

When he was a baby it was easy he was an easy baby

Now he is nearly a teenager it’s much harder especially as I don’t have anytime to myself and work full time

He would spend a night a week with his dad now it’s a few times in the holidays

It takes its toll I desperately need time to myself to get in top of things

I don't feel sorry for single/lone parents. I feel admiration. I struggle with two on two, let's alone having both alone.

living away from home paying the bills, all the house work, cooking is completely different

The weight is heavy when it is all on your shoulders

That for me until recently was by far the biggest strain get into the best financial position you can before taking on your own place it really is different then

I know a few single parents - I wouldn’t say I pity them or feel sorry for them at all, but I have great respect for the fact that it must be more difficult at times. I say this as a parent whose DH works away for up to 6 weeks at a time and I have no family nearby to help - those weeks, although perfectly manageable, are tough. So I have a lot of respect for parents who I know have to parent like this all time.

No @pink you don't parent like a single parent when your dp works away in the nicest of ways.

You have someone to share your dcs achievements with and your worries. You have someone who loves your DC as much as you do and wants to share those things with you. You have another person to share any money worries with, it's easier in a relationship when the boiler breaks, even if you don't have the cash there and then the responsibility doesn't fall just on your shoulders whether you dp is at home or working away. That's the challenge of single parenthood.

You might have it tough parenting alone whilst dp works, but you don't single parent. It's completely different!

@Waxonwaxoff0 . No its naive, it was just a question.

I meant not naive. It's not that crazy to ask seeing as they live in the same house.

@meggymeg I get where you're coking from asking but no my mam works so she wouldn't be able to and I wouldn't take advantage as I know people who expect their parents to work full time and look after their grandchild a lot of the time and they look exhausted when it shouldn't be their responsibility, I know it'll take a few years but I'll get there

Things that annoy me;

The assumption that, as a single parent;

(a) I must be poor/on benefits/struggling financially (I have the same job I had when I was married)
(b) I must be desperate to move in with my partner so he can support me financially, I earn considerably more than him but have heard several comments which suggest his friends think I'm after his money.
(c) I must get every other weekend childfree, people think this is a given, my ex has never had my dc overnight, not once.
(d) I must get unlimited help from my Mother (I've had some help from my MIL) when in fact she's been no practical help at all.
(e) My ex must have "given me the house" because I didn't move when we divorced, in fact I bought him out and he got a cash lump sum, which really isn't unusual.

There is definitely still judgement of single mothers but men who raise they kids single handed (or with limited support from the Mother) are heroes.

For me there is more mental pressure from having full responsibility for a house, dc, pets .... but it's mostly balanced out by being able to make all my own decisions, be flexible, not have to work around another adult's schedule etc.

@Fizzypoo can you please quote where I said that I single parent? I said there are times where it’s just me and my DS which can be tough - which makes me appreciate that single parents have it hard, particularly because obviously there are other burdens on top of that as you mentioned. At no point did I say it was the same. So please keep your knickers on and get off your high horse before you fall.

@pink you said I have a lot of respect for parents who I know have to parent like that all the time.

My knickers aren't in a twist thanks, but you have done what the majority of posters have wrote annoys and patronises them 🤷‍♀️

Fizz I don’t think I’ve ever heard of anyone finding ‘respect’ patronising - including on this thread. Except for you.

I'm a single mum to a 4 year old and a 2 year old. Ex got arrested for dv against me Jan 2017 and hasn't seen them since.

My 4 year old has SEN and I have virtually no practical support in terms of childcare. (Even 2 nights for a hospital stay with one of the kids was begrudged) and life is bloody hard work.

HOWEVER life now will never be as hard as it was when I was with ex and he was beating the crap out of me, degrading me to the children (he has an older child too) and not pulling his weight. That life, as a two parent family was the hardest things have ever been. I love being single in comparison

I’m a single parent (by ‘choice’ I guess as I adopted as a single parent but the ‘choice’ such as it was for me was adopt on my own or don’t have kids at all) I don’t need sympathy per se but a bit of appreciation as to how bloody hard and relentless it is would never go amiss with me!

When I first had my child I had 2 parents who were a huge support. That made a huge difference and was a massive help even though they lived 2 hours away. My reality now is a terminally ill mum and a dad who has no idea who I am due to Alzheimer’s. And they’re still 2 hours away only now I’m having to care for them too. I won’t lie, it sucks. And right now, when life is ridiculously tough, I have a chronic disability, work full time and my child’s additional needs are becoming more apparent on top of everything else I’d happily welcome some sympathy.

Friends are great but it’s definitely not the same as having someone to share the load with and sometimes it is bone crushingly difficult.

And for what it's worth I hate sympathy and I hate that "you poor thing" look I get when I explain about the DV. It all makes me feel like a victim. Although I know people mean well it just makes me so uncomfortable