Shutting my son into a room?

[Jellybeansincognito]

So our conservatory is attached to my living room by a clear sliding door.

I’m at my wits end with my 2.5 year old- he literally is a live wire and doesn’t respond to any form of no/ stop etc. For months he has been running across/ bouncing on the sofa- I can feel my anxiety rise every time he does it and daily there’s that heart stopping moment of him nearly falling off- onto a hard floor. The sofa is quite high up too, so quite a fall and he’s nearly gone over the edge quite a few times.

I don’t know how to stop him, removing him and putting him on the floor seems to hype him up even more and he gets straight back on more hyper before.
Shouting just makes him laugh.
I’ve even resorted to a hand tap of which he just isn’t bothered about.
Time out doesn’t seem to work- he just walks away back to sofa bouncing.

It’s been months of this and I’ve had enough- I can’t even go to the toilet without him doing it.

So here is my question- he gets 3 warnings and if he continues I’ve placed him into the conservatory and shut the door- for no longer than a minute.

I feel like this is almost abusive and it’s making me uncomfortable, I don’t know what else to do though before I end up with a child that’s fallen off and really hurt himself.

So Aibu placing him into the conservatory as a punishment?

*i am prepared to be flamed...

I can't believe you are punishing a small child for this in the first place. I would put a mat or duvet on the floor and let them get on with it.

I let my 2.5 year old run over the couch so I'm probably not the best person to help....I figure those kind of slightly risky activities are how she learns to judge and mitigate risk.

The fact that he's been doing it for months & hasn't fallen suggests it's not too risky.

Having said that though, if you want him to stop...I do put her in her room when she does something despite my warnings not to (most of the time it's hitting her brother) but I leave the door open & take her back if needs be. It's really the only thing that works for her.

I would never shut her in.

Absolutely not the right thing to do. Its borderline abusive and location specific so unlikely to improve behaviour long term. He clearly needs time to run about and expend energy so I would suggest looking at the structure of his days rather than blanket punishment. Some nursery hours would also be positive if he doesn't already have them.

It’s not the jumping that bothers me, it’s the relentless running and almost falling off the edge. I wouldn’t mind so much if he was just bouncing but he’s not, and it’s relentless- it’s never something we’ve been ok about or encouraged.

Well, I would do it.

I cannot stand it when children jump on furniture.

I kinda think that's ok. He can see you. It's only for a minute. I'm on the fence though, I can see why it's wrong too.... But I can't think of any other way to get him to stop . I'm interested in what others think

@blackcat86 it doesn’t matter how much run time he’s had, it is still an issue.

I am aware it’s not the best thing to do, I don’t feel comfortable with it at all, but I don’t know what else to do?

Just put blankets or cushions down. If you make it something he's allowed to do then he'll probably lose interest.

Does he become upset when you shut him away? He's too young to understand 3 warnings

When you say time out doesn’t work, how much do you want it to work? It can take hours for the continual cycle of misbehave/remove/detain (!!!😆) to be broken, especially with a child that young. If you really want to go there, you have to be prepared to go through the pain.

I'm surprised that nobody has told you off for tapping him on the hand.

No way is jumping on furniture allowed in my house either. Bloody hate it and cannot stand when other parents watch their own children doing it? It's expensive buying furniture and I'd like to keep it!

How much outdoor time is he getting? Once mine jumps on furniture they are not allowed back on that piece of furniture for the morning/afternoon.

Get some outdoor bean cushions, the big ones. We use them and have them around the sofas when DS (2.5) is playing.

A couch is mini softplay to them. Also you shouldn't be 'punishing' a 2yr old. They're pushing boundaries physically and mentally.

You need to protect him from the floor by putting stuff down. That's it 🤷

So make it safe and let him do it? And he’ll hopefully lose interest?

Why don’t children come with a manual!

No idea what else you should try. Jumping on furniture drives me mad too.

The main problem for me is how he doesn't listen to you. A normal development thing I'm sure, but that would be the reason I'd be trying to correct the behaviour as much as trying to prevent him hurting himself.

What approach do you have if he doesn't listen to you when you're out somewhere?

Hi op,
I've no advice as a professional,but every time he goes to do it could you try a firm no and distract him?a walk around the garden,a game of play dough so the sofa is not the place where he has fun.,but other games with mummy are lots more fun than the sofa..
It will take hours of yet more patience but hopefully,gradually,he will find other interests outside of the sofa?are there alternative age appropriate bouncer toys he could have?if affordable.
Perhaps he does it as a sure fire way to get your attention.
As I said,I'm no professional,but maybe these things will help.
Good luck,I'm sure other people will have lots of good advice too.
The main thing is,he doesn't grow up learning he can do what he wants,when he wants,so you are right to put up boundaries,sometimes when you're exhausted to can't see alternative ways to look at the issue.
it won't be forever.🌺

Me too tbh @TheMustressMhor

I’m aware of my flaws. I’m trying my best!

What happens if you take him off the sofa and hold him firmly on your lap, despite his kicking and protesting, every time that he starts running . Are you still physically able to do that safely?

It is a problem that he is still very young, so may not be connecting cause and effect yet, which could make this frustrating for both of you.

OP I think it is fine to remove your child to another room if he persists in doing something that is unsafe but I would sit in the room with him. Close the door of the conservatory and sit in front of the door so he can't get out and just do a minute repeating ''no bouncing, it's not safe'

And hereshoping - I think the OP has every right to be concerned about something that she feels isn't safe. My DS sounds very much like OP's. He was told not to bounce on the sofa for a number of reasons (hard floors, rented accommodation, upper flat, not much space) my back was turned for 30 seconds during which he manage to somersault over the side of the sofa and land on his back on hard flooring (missing the strategically placed rug). So guess what, strict rules after that

As someone else said, make it safe with a duvet behind for padding, let him do it & he'll soon get bored.

Why is this any different to doing naughty step / time out etc?
It’s not.
If it’s a safe space where you can sit him for a time out then what’s the big deal?

I don’t want my kids running and jumping on furniture, that’s not what it is for. I know they will do it when my back is turned but they will know that if I catch them they will be in trouble, because it’s not what you do!

It’s not so much about him jumping or running though is it, more that he doesn’t listen and doesn’t care about punishments.

No advice there I’m afraid but I don’t think the time out option is unreasonable

Buy a trampoline for the garden? Or one of those small indoor kids ones? He’s obviously got excess energy to burn!
Check how much sugar he’s having and notice is his behaviour worse after sugary stuff? I realised with my dd that sugar was massively affecting her behaviour.

I think the conservatory thing is ok if you’re confident he understands completely the warnings. But does it work? Is it effective?

Children are like dogs, they need fresh air, food and lots and lots of exercise.

I'd honestly have him up and put as much as.possible, after breakfast make him a packed lunch and have him out for the day.

I understand being at your wits end OP but I imagine locking him in as "punishment" will only escalate the situation and thus escalate your stress.

Not sure if it would be possible with the sliding door, but could you gate off the conservatory and make it his playroom? Take out any couch/furniture and make it childproof? That way if you need to go to the toilet etc. you can close the gate, leave him safely in there and it won't be a "punishment". He may not like it at first but if you're non-punitive about it and make it an enjoyable space he'll adapt.

As an aside, three warnings is too much for misbehavior in general. if you intend on following up with a consequence just give him one warning, then follow through. My DC learned I meant business that way and would usually stop whatever it was I was asking them not to do... usually

I’ve never let my dc jump on the sofa or run on it even though they’ve tried plenty. It’s a nice sofa and I don’t want it ruined. They have a trampoline if they want to jump.

I don’t think what you’re proposing is abusive. I wouldn’t bother with 3 warnings, he’s young and won’t be able to keep track. I would tell him that he needs to get down then if he doesn’t count from 1 to 5 and if you get to 5 then remove him from the sofa and say something like ‘I asked you to get down and you chose not to so I am getting you down’. Repeat as necessary until it becomes ingrained. If you need to put him in the conservatory for a minute to help him to know it’s unacceptable then I would do that as well.

I'm sorry to say that I used to shout at my DC if they jumped on the furniture. I mean, really shouted, so that they knew it wasn't acceptable.

It was the same if they jumped on newly-made beds. It drove me made so I shouted at them.

It seemed to work.