Shutting my son into a room?

[Jellybeansincognito]

So our conservatory is attached to my living room by a clear sliding door.

I’m at my wits end with my 2.5 year old- he literally is a live wire and doesn’t respond to any form of no/ stop etc. For months he has been running across/ bouncing on the sofa- I can feel my anxiety rise every time he does it and daily there’s that heart stopping moment of him nearly falling off- onto a hard floor. The sofa is quite high up too, so quite a fall and he’s nearly gone over the edge quite a few times.

I don’t know how to stop him, removing him and putting him on the floor seems to hype him up even more and he gets straight back on more hyper before.
Shouting just makes him laugh.
I’ve even resorted to a hand tap of which he just isn’t bothered about.
Time out doesn’t seem to work- he just walks away back to sofa bouncing.

It’s been months of this and I’ve had enough- I can’t even go to the toilet without him doing it.

So here is my question- he gets 3 warnings and if he continues I’ve placed him into the conservatory and shut the door- for no longer than a minute.

I feel like this is almost abusive and it’s making me uncomfortable, I don’t know what else to do though before I end up with a child that’s fallen off and really hurt himself.

So Aibu placing him into the conservatory as a punishment?

*i am prepared to be flamed...

@Iminagony he’s actually being incredibly testing when out at the moment, he’s been refusing to walk and wanting carrying and not wanting the pushchair at all. I’ve stood firm and ignored his tantrum and put him in the pushchair.
I’ve been quite poorly recently and anaemic snd just not had the strength to physically give in to his demands.
I take things off him and withdraw him from other situations.

I’ve had to start being firm because he’s been biting, hitting and throwing toys at his sister when he doesn’t get his own way.
I appreciate he is 2.5 and I’ve been extremely patient but the barriers lately have been pushed very firmly by him.

@Armadillostoes
I’ve done that too, held him onto my lap so he couldn’t do it- but he just screamed so loud my ears were ringing.

Definitely a live wire this one!

The more I think about your situation, the more I think that putting him in the conservatory every time he does it is perfectly acceptable.

It isn't abusive as you can see him.

Have a look into childhood schemas. He's not doing this behaviour to be naughty. It's like a compulsion.
www.nature-play.co.uk/blog/schemas-in-childrens-play#

Also I find Janet Lansbury's advice great for this age group. She has a website or find her on Facebook. It's really hard at this age, go easy on yourself

Definitely a live wire this one

All toddlers are like this IME. You just have to show them who's boss.

Yeah I guess, It’s hard going.
He doesn’t listen, he is persistent and still wakes me up 3-4 times every night.
I just feel like he’s completely relentless in all areas so whilst I want to go make a drink or pop to the toilet/ make food it would be nice if he could just stop bouncing on the bloody furniture.

😅

I don’t think I’m going to put him in the conservatory again but I’m just not sure what else to do?
There’s only so many times a day you can distract them and I’m only human!

I put a cot mattress (really cheap one like a tenner) on the floor in front of the sofa in our last house (wooden floor) and I let both my kids bounce on it, roll off the sofa, forwards roll on it etc.

We moved house (carpeted living room) and they're older now so I ditched the "crash mat" but even so in 2 months, both boys have had some serious injuries due to their hyperactive behaviour (2 year old split his head open on a table, 7 year old jumped into the metal clothes horse and cut his arm very deeply on a sharp bit I didn't know was there)... because I'm a LP I cannot have eyes on them every second and make their food, do the housework, have a wee.

Did they learn from both incidents? No back doing it the next day. I tried all kinds of punishments and warnings and I don't waste my breath anymore!

Best thing is to tire him out. Once mine have done a full day at Nursery/school, walked the 2 miles home up the big hill, they are sprawled on the sofa eyes half closed it's bloody great .

Not abusive at all in my opinion. When my daughter won’t stay on time out I take her into a time out room and sit in the room with her, my back against the door until she calms down which seems to work

OP, it isn't abusive to give children a timeout.

I never cared about my kids walking on furniture. It's hardly the crime of the century. Surely it's more important that he learns to do it safely or you put cushions around it.

My kids are now pre-teens/teens and they don't jump on furniture now. It's just a thing toddlers like to do and I think you'll make yourself less miserable if you just accept it. He won't be this age forever.

Have you tried giving him lots of praise when he is using the furniture appropriately? I’m a behaviour analyst and research shows that reinforcement is more successful than punishment when it comes to changing behaviour. Give him loads of attention when he is behaving appropriately and try not to give him attention when he isn’t.

I absolutely do not allow jumping on sofas and beds. I am amazed at how many do.
It’s also not about the sofa jumping is it? He is hitting and biting and throwing. All ‘normal’ish but they need to be stopped. I think the conservatory thing is perfectly fine tbh. You can’t always distract a child. Sometimes a ‘no’ is a ‘no’ and they need to know that.

To be honest I would: be very strict about the sofa and give him a lot more outdoors time. I'd be more likely to do: Naughty step for 30 seconds or so.

But you have to be 100% consistent. Then after a couple of weeks he should begin to learn.

Having grown up with an uptight mother who had rules about keeping her stuff nice, I relish having a lawless house where small children can bounce to their hearts content and messes just get cleaned up. I'd rather live a life full of joy and fun than a life full of spotless pristine stuff. But you do you...

I didn't see the bit about hitting and biting. Obviously that isn't acceptable behaviour.

I would use reverse psychology in him. Like another poster said, let him get in with it. If he falls and hurts himself he’ll take more caution. The more you try and stop him, the more he will want to do it.
You say he’s nearly fallen, but hasn’t quite yet. Chances are he’s got great balance etc. My 3.5 year old is always tripping, or falling. My 18 mths old is like a ninja, and never falls or hurts herself.

If you really are worried, then take the sofa cushions off, put them in the floor and let him run and bounce. Kids live that sort of thing, and he will soon get it out of his system.

I actually line my dining chairs up leading to the sofa so my little ones can climb up and do rolly pollies. It’s great late afternoon whilst I’m trying to get the dinner done, plus it tires them out.

Thanks @emmaluvseeyore I don’t but I will begin!

@MotherofDinosaurs it’s not about keeping things nice, it’s about his safety. It’s never been ok here to bounce on the sofa.

We do have a trampoline outside/ for what it’s worth he comes inside from there and continues in here 😅🤦🏼‍♀️

I can't believe how many people think it's ok for kids to rant all over their furniture! Teach your kids to respect your house ffs, if they can do it at home they will also do it at other people's houses.

@Jellybeansincognito time out is fine, you need to stay strong and consistent with it though. When your going to prepare food etc take him with you and try and involve him, anything to distract him from ranting your furniture

It sounds like you have a very active child. Get him out more to run his energy off. Take him bike riding on balance bike. Take him to park and kick football far away and get him to go after it. Burn the energy off and his behaviour will improve no end. Our foster child still has to have 2 hours exercise every day to keep his behaviour on track. Swimming is good we take child swimming 4 times each week and he is now so good he is in swimming squad for town we live in. Your child is younger but still needs to burn off excessive energy. It will help him to learn to concentrate when he starts pre school too.

Can you find an alternative, acceptable activity?
Maybe get a bean bag and allow him to jump on this and fall into it etc
Put it next to the sofa and direct him to it each time. Encourage this activity.

I think he’s too small for ‘punIshments’
I think you need to find some different parenting strategies - they need to constantly evolve - depending on the child and their age etc

I hate to say ‘the terrible twos’
Sorry- it does sound rather tiring but you need to find a way of dialling down the conflicts

It sounds like normal behaviour. An inside trampoline with a handle would be a good solution. It sounds like your ds wants to run and crash on soft stuff. As others have said, get some big cushions, take the seats off the sofa. Your ds is looking for play / bouncing experiences. At this age, it very much is tiring them out. I did let dd bounce on my bed at this age. It’s very big. At some stage I declared her too heavy. Dd used to be forever swinging onto the arm of sofa. She stopped when we changed it a year ago. She’s 11.

You’re not really doing anyone any favours by punishing your ds. He’s not getting rid of his energy if you prevent him from using it thus he’s likely to be worn out out and sleep.

... thus he’s NOT likely to be worn out...

Burning off energy outside will help your child to sleep better too.

I wouldn’t lock him in a different room, but I would shout at him and make him do a time out (in the same room).
As well as being dangerous (head split open is horrible - been there) it will ruin your sofa, do it’s a definite no from me.