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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Shutting my son into a room?

105 replies

Jellybeansincognito · 28/09/2019 12:05

So our conservatory is attached to my living room by a clear sliding door.

I’m at my wits end with my 2.5 year old- he literally is a live wire and doesn’t respond to any form of no/ stop etc. For months he has been running across/ bouncing on the sofa- I can feel my anxiety rise every time he does it and daily there’s that heart stopping moment of him nearly falling off- onto a hard floor. The sofa is quite high up too, so quite a fall and he’s nearly gone over the edge quite a few times.

I don’t know how to stop him, removing him and putting him on the floor seems to hype him up even more and he gets straight back on more hyper before.
Shouting just makes him laugh.
I’ve even resorted to a hand tap of which he just isn’t bothered about.
Time out doesn’t seem to work- he just walks away back to sofa bouncing.

It’s been months of this and I’ve had enough- I can’t even go to the toilet without him doing it.

So here is my question- he gets 3 warnings and if he continues I’ve placed him into the conservatory and shut the door- for no longer than a minute.

I feel like this is almost abusive and it’s making me uncomfortable, I don’t know what else to do though before I end up with a child that’s fallen off and really hurt himself.

So Aibu placing him into the conservatory as a punishment?

*i am prepared to be flamed...

OP posts:
NaviSprite · 28/09/2019 15:30

I have no advice on the furniture diving as mine aren’t quite there yet but on his laughing when you shout, I have had some not proud moments of frustration with my 2 year old twins where I ended up raising my voice and when they laughed I became incensed - thankfully I had enough wits about me to leave the room and breathe for a bit before going back in. My Mum was visiting and had walked in when I was in the kitchen calming myself down and I explained what had happened and that they laughed at me when I used the last resort of shouting (I’m not a shouty person at all) she simply said:

“They laughed because they were nervous - toddlers do this in my experience because they are still learning what is safe behaviour and what isn’t, sometimes you have to let them learn the hard way. But by shouting you put them on edge and there’s usually two responses you get from a toddler when you shout, they cry or they laugh. You have two laughers.” I don’t know if that makes sense to anybody else - but it helped me when it came to disciplining (age appropriately) my toddlers so that one doesn’t take the others eye out or something!

1forAll74 · 28/09/2019 15:37

Yes I would make things safe,and let him get on with things, if he falls and has a cry, he might well stop jumping on the sofa. He his too young too understand all your frustrations and moving him into another area.

Two year old and thereabouts,used to be called the terrible 2;s in my time as a young mum. ! I always used to put my young son in a wooden playpen with his toys etc,when I was busy doing stuff, he sometimes had our little dog in there with him.

Solitarycaddis · 28/09/2019 16:02

I like the idea of a balance bike!

Definitely a live wire this one

All toddlers are like this IME. You just have to show them who's boss.

With respect I think some are more active than others. I have a good friend whose stocky strong three year was so active and athletic, he literally could not be contained in a room or even a house tbh! [He once - now legendary event - came to lunch and consumed half a truckle of Stilton with salad and an entire baguette! No ill effects! ] Guess what he is doing now as an older teen? Playing for the junior ranks of a very prestigious French rugby team Grin.

His mother's solution was to be out with him all day in the woods btw. They had a studious little girl too so she and her dh had to swap the DC all the time so one of them could be tracking him all the time!

Good luck

GPatz · 28/09/2019 16:23

Luckily, you can show children who the boss is without shouting at them.

TheNamesBond · 28/09/2019 16:24

Your ds sounds hyperactive.

He should not be smacked or excluded- he needs to see a doctor.
He may be allergic to all manner of things, or just need medication. Laughing is a sign of nervousness and fear. You sound terrifying and cruel to me.

A drs visit for you might be a good idea too, if you’re so unwell you’ve lost sight of what’s what.

“Tapping” his hands and locking him in the conservatory? Jesus, what next... a crate for him, like you would a puppy. Or tie him to a fence in the garden.....

Maybe his kindly MIL would look after him and get him sorted with a drs visit and possible diagnosis and treatment while you give your head a wobble.

CountryBearJamboree · 28/09/2019 16:31

Some of these responses are hilarious.

He's shut in another room for 1 minute max with a clear sliding door and people think it's abusive and that the OP is cruel and terrifying?! Confused

Derbee · 28/09/2019 16:33

@TheNamesBond ironic that you’re offering advice when you believe that an energetic toddler should be medicated Confused

And you have the audacity to ask “Jesus, what’s next?”

Solitarycaddis · 28/09/2019 16:36

You sound terrifying and cruel to me.

No she doesn't! Op sounds like a very concerned and somewhat exasperated parent who is at the end of her tether and worried about her child's safety fhs. The bad parents are the ones who don't care and who don't seek advice!

GeorgiaGirl52 · 28/09/2019 16:46

I used a scat mat to train my dog to keep off the sofa. Bet it would work on a kid too!

Aprillygirl · 28/09/2019 17:17

I can't believe there are people who think this is abusive. It's for 1 minute and he can even see you through the glass doors ffs. I do agree that the more you make an issue of it the more he will want to do it though, so I would try to just ignore, and if he falls well he will learn then won't he. I would recommend getting him a little indoor trampoline though so he can expend some of that excess energy.

itsgettingweird · 28/09/2019 17:24

She does not sound terrifying and cruel.

Would the school staff sound terrifying and cruel because he was stopped jumping on or running along the sofas in school reception?

I think not!

Behaviour boundaries should be set from day 1 so they are clear.

And for most people jumping on furniture is a no no.

Next you'll be telling us if a child draws on the walls just to make it a giant whiteboard rather than teach them it's wrong 🙄

WorraLiberty · 28/09/2019 17:29

1 minute is absolutely pointless. Surely he's just going to cry, scream and then come in and do exactly the same thing again?

If you're going to make him stay in the conservatory, make it at least 5 minutes.

Also, making him sit on the floor until he can behave on the sofa is probably a better idea than smacking him.

And yes it is 'smacking', not 'hand tapping'.

cultkid · 28/09/2019 17:31

I would definitely do that.
My son is really really disrespectful at times too and doesn't give a monkey about being told off.

AntiHop · 28/09/2019 17:33

I have a 5 year old son we've never once punished her. No time outs. No removing toys as punishments. She behaves very well. We use gentle parenting methods.

What you've described sounds like normal toddler behaviour.

WorraLiberty · 28/09/2019 17:36

I have a 5 year old son we've never once punished her. No time outs. No removing toys as punishments. She behaves very well. We use gentle parenting methods.

What does that have to do with the OP and her child? Confused

cultkid · 28/09/2019 17:39

I don't think gentle parenting leads to obedient kids
Some are obedient so you can use gentle parenting LOL

SugarNyx · 28/09/2019 17:50

I’d try to make it safe and let him do it. My DS (same age as yours) went through a phase of doing it and I’d put cushions down so he’d be fine if he fell, he soon got bored of it and hasn’t done it in months now. It sounds like he has a lot of energy to burn though.

BarbariansMum · 28/09/2019 18:02

Gentle parent plus compliant child works like a dream. Gentle parent plus spirited child doesnt work at all. Lots of parents with compliant children think that they are God's gift to parenting (I was one of them until ds2 hot to 18 months).

FlashingLights101 · 28/09/2019 18:06

My son has ADHD (among other things) and is a completely unconscious bouncer. He used to drive me up the wall bouncing on the sofas and it didn't matter how often I asked/told him not to, he carried on because he needed to expend that energy.

He now has an outside and inside trampoline, the inside one is one of the little sport type ones, but for a younger child you can get the ones with the handle.

Honestly, it has saved my sanity because it allows him to bounce, but in a way that I am happy with.

HappyHammy · 28/09/2019 18:13

Can you create a safe indoor play area in the conservatory. Beanbags. Small indoor trampoline. Tell him that it's his special sofa to jump on.

SleepingStandingUp · 28/09/2019 18:16

What is in the conservatory OP?
How does he react to it?
What happens when he comes out?

I don't see its any different to putting him on a naughty step or in his room, his behaviour is dangerous and if he falls off and smacks his head off the floor I doubt so many people will applaud you for letting him get in with it until he's bored of it.

MiniMum97 · 28/09/2019 18:19

It is not abusive to put a child in a room for 1 minute because they haven't followed an instruction. I've never heard something so ridiculous in my life! He may be two but he needs to learn that no means no for his own safety. That's the concerning thing about this whether or not you believe that jumping on the sofa is ok or not. And OP should be able to control her two year old and putting child in time out in another room for a short period of time is perfectly reasonable as long as he is safe.

MiniMum97 · 28/09/2019 18:20

I do agree with other payers though, boys are a bit like dogs, you do need to get them out and thoroughly exercised every day or they will be climbing the walls.😊

AntiHop · 28/09/2019 18:28

@MiniMum97
This is not exclusive to boys. My dd behaved in a similar way at that age.

fedoff · 28/09/2019 18:28

My son did this continuously from about 2.5 onwards - for the main I let him get on with it despite me telling him he would hurt himself. He did one day (when he was 4)- knocked his tooth out. He's stopped now.