Shutting my son into a room?

[Jellybeansincognito]

So our conservatory is attached to my living room by a clear sliding door.

I’m at my wits end with my 2.5 year old- he literally is a live wire and doesn’t respond to any form of no/ stop etc. For months he has been running across/ bouncing on the sofa- I can feel my anxiety rise every time he does it and daily there’s that heart stopping moment of him nearly falling off- onto a hard floor. The sofa is quite high up too, so quite a fall and he’s nearly gone over the edge quite a few times.

I don’t know how to stop him, removing him and putting him on the floor seems to hype him up even more and he gets straight back on more hyper before.
Shouting just makes him laugh.
I’ve even resorted to a hand tap of which he just isn’t bothered about.
Time out doesn’t seem to work- he just walks away back to sofa bouncing.

It’s been months of this and I’ve had enough- I can’t even go to the toilet without him doing it.

So here is my question- he gets 3 warnings and if he continues I’ve placed him into the conservatory and shut the door- for no longer than a minute.

I feel like this is almost abusive and it’s making me uncomfortable, I don’t know what else to do though before I end up with a child that’s fallen off and really hurt himself.

So Aibu placing him into the conservatory as a punishment?

*i am prepared to be flamed...

Nothing wrong with locking him in the conservatory for a couple of minutes or until he calms down. Whatever sanction you choose, the important thing is to be consistent and do it every single time, not just occasionally. Then lots of cuddles and praise when he's behaving well.

Personally, I thinks it's sensible to be firm early on to establish the ground rules and that you're the boss. Too many parents think that unlimited free expression is a good thing.

If you are 'hand tapping' him at two, what will you be doing to him when he is older?
Physical punishment is wrong. It's about to be made illegal in Wales.
You need to stop hitting him right now

No way were my kids ever allowed jump on furniture in my house or anyone else’s. I think putting down rugs & cushions just gives him permission to destroy the sofa.
I’d be stopping him every time he tried to jump on the furniture until he got the message. Toddlers are hard work but you have to be consistent.

Timeouts are fine and not borderline abusive at all if you're not using them for every little thing. 3 warnings are too many - 1 warning then consequence, or straight to consequences if it is clear cut bad behaviour like biting.

How's his understanding and speech generally? Do you think the bad behaviour is due to poor understanding, or frustration, or poor impulse control, or to get your attention (might be a combination of the above)? If you know what's at the root of it, it can be easier to stop.

Separately, he does sound like he has a lot of energy. Lots and lots of exercise - ideally outdoors but swimming/softplay if not - will almost certainly improve his behaviour.

I would never do that and my son is the same age. I take him to park or soft play or long walks in the morning and by lunchtime he's calm. A bit of garden time helps in the aft rnoon. Don't shut a baby away it's cruel.

If you have a trampoline I would just take him out there if he persistently jumps on the sofa “jumping is for the trampoline” and repeat!

‘mrsmuddlepies

If you are 'hand tapping' him at two, what will you be doing to him when he is older?
Physical punishment is wrong. It's about to be made illegal in Wales.
You need to stop hitting him right now’

^ Christ that’s some accusation.
From hand tap to beating your kids.... Jesus. I’m aware it’s not good, but come on...

He’s had a hand tap, I’ve not beaten him.
I have a 4 year old who has never had so much as a hand tap.

@BarbariansMum I’m going to start taking him swimming soon, and I’m going to get him a balance bike to see if that makes him want to spend more time outside.

But even if we spend 4 hours at soft play I seem to have the same issue. I’ve really praised him just now for sitting nicely- he smiled his little head off. Bless him, possibly the way forward?

Trampoline,buy one

I was never allowed to run in sofa and neither was my ds.

Most of my friends don't allow it either.

It's obviously an issue if removing him he just gets back up. It sounds like he has no respect for boundaries and I'd simply say "if you can't be in the room without jumping on sofa - you have to leave the room".

Do make sure he's getting enough exercise as well though. Perhaps a trampoline in the harden?

YANBU however I’d wager it’d possibly make his behaviour worse tbh.

An earlier poster mentioned Janet Lansbury

www.janetlansbury.com/

She’s very VERY good. Take time out to read and employ her advice and be consistent.

Ps: 2.5 is “peak mental” IME. My DD went apeshit for about a month then it calmed. Sympathy. I’m already shitting it about April when DS hits that age.

I hate the term hand tap. It’s merely an attempt to make physical discipline seem sweet and rosy. As a concept, it is TOTALLY WRONG. Whether it’s a hand tap, a smack, a slap, a hand, a belt etc it’s the same concept.

I guarantee you, the most fun part of jumping on the sofa is your reaction to him jumping on the sofa. Stop reacting, he’ll stop jumping

Just saw your last update. That’s exactly it - praise for doing what you want! He wants attention (which is fair). Negative attention is still attention. Ignore the jumping etc when you can, and praise praise praise when he’s doing lovely stuff. He will prefer the kinder version of you, and adjust his behaviour accordingly. Guaranteed

Don't lock him in a different room, smack him, shout at him or anything else like that.

Take him to a different space and engage with him there. Make it a positive action.

Parenting an energetic toddler is hard work. It takes all of your attention all of the time and it's relentless.

Sometimes you're going to have to make a drink or go to the loo and he's going to end up jumping on the sofa.

At some point he's going to fall off and it will hurt. That's a safe learning experience for him so accept that it's going to happen.

Try to build similar activities into your routine even if you think they're not helping at the moment. Plan lots of trampoline time and trips to parks and soft play. Make up games together he can play on the trampoline to support his interest in it.

Focus your energies on keeping him engaged with other activities but that means you have to be engaged with them too. Keep up the praise and the compliments. Positive attention for positive behaviour works wonders.

You've seen that the sanctions aren't helpful so bin them now, rather than escalating them to try to find one that works. You won't succeed and you'll make you both miserable trying.

The frequent night-wakings remind me of my DD. She was also a non-stop toddler. Turned out she was hugely overtired from obstructive sleep apnea caused by enlarged adenoids. After they were removed she was still high-energy but MUCH easier to guide, behaviour-wise.

Obviously I'm not trying to diagnose anything, just adding the thought that not all toddler rambunctiousness is purely behavioural, sometimes there are physical/medical elements too.

He will quickly learn to be careful once he's had a fall!

WOAH, sorry OP but that is NOT okay! Can’t you make him a child-proof play area in your living room? We have sectioned off a corner of the room, put down soft flooring (like a foam play mat), put in a little tent-den thing, a little toddlers basketball hoop, and loads of other books, toys/activities. When we need to, can just pop him into his play area and he loves it! Most of the time we play in there with him too, but I’d i need to pop into the kitchen or do the hoovering then he is safe, happy, entertained, and learning! I’d recommend it!

If he isn't sleeping through @Jellybeansincognito I recommend the Ferber book.

www.amazon.co.uk/gp/offer-listing/0091948096/ref=tmm_pap_used_olp_sr?condition=used&tag=mumsnetforu03-21&ie=UTF8&qid=1569677803&sr=8-1

It gave me back my sanity when my first child didn't sleep.

It sounds like you really need to take control and give him boundaries, OP.

He is a small child. You're the adult.

And tapping him on the hand is not the crime of the century either. It isn't tantamount to abuse as many PPs have said.

I dont think its helpful to make furniture safe that behaviour isnt ok. Furniture is not a bouncy castle..it sends mixed messages when the kids are in a place where theyshould behave. Like some pubs have sofas, other people's houses. You arent denying him a right to explore by not letting him jump on the sofa ffs thats what the playground and soft play is for.

@painauchocolat84 the conservatory is a playroom atm. That’s what we built it for!

At 2.5 he is old enough for a time out which is basically what you are proposing. Maybe get a video monitor for the conservatory.His behaviour is completely normal, but he should learn to listen. Outdoor play does help, but at that age, they are also testing boundaries. I have the same trouble with my toddler, currently in the terrible 2's and approaching threenage. We slowly count to three as a warning, but sometimes he just does not listen. Sugar does not make kids hyper, btw. They actually did a controlled experiment to show that it does not. Whatever you do, make sure that other caregivers are on board. Otherwise you end up being 'mean mummy'.

I’ll check out Janet in a bit when they’re asleep thank you!

Also- Ferber method, I have heard of it but never given it a go.
The issue is that he screams to the top of his lungs and it disturbs my daughter- that’s what is stopping me sleep training him.

@PorridgeLove my mil overrides me a lot which isn’t helping. For example last week she brought round a gingerbread man decorating kit and allowed my daughter to eat 3 of the gingerbread men- she even made icing and allowed my daughter to eat it. I’m not treat strict but found this disgustingly excessive- she then told my daughter she could use the sprinkles in her ice cream, I proceeded to say we don’t have any, but next time and not today because you’ve had enough treats now.
Me and dh went out and came back to a tub of ice cream in the freezer she got my father in law to pick up and when my daughter asked me if she could have some I said- I’ve already told you no because you’ve eaten 3 gingerbread men my mil said ‘dont be silly, she’s been waiting a whole hour to ask you, let her have a little bit’ and proceeded to get her some 🙄.

I really hate this in front of the kids, it’s no wonder they don’t listen to me really is it?

You need to tell your DH to sort your MIL's behaviour.

How dare she blatantly overrule you like that? Totally unacceptable.

You and your DH must present a united front and put a stop to that.